sure
from home ... the document is on my lap top

I am at work right now

plus ... I still have notfinished all the typing (I am taking it from a copy of a newspaper ... so it is tedious going)

Pep -
Loved the Job Description.
Gee, aren't kids swell?

SS

Weav,

Your insight is pretty good. I find myself thinking you have grown more than almost anyone else on MB since you and I came here at about the same time.

Some comments:

“The metaphorical brick up the side of the head should be a quick one then, to avoid the BS giving up and losing all desire?’

If wishes were fishes and a perfect world. I speak from experience here. And 2Long, from what he has told me, was in about the same place. If the bottom falls out of the BS world over a ONS, a 6 month affair, or even the garden variety 2 year adultery, imagine finding out your entire M for as far back as you can remember is an illusion. And maybe your children are not even yours. As you yourself stated, everything has been catastrophically revealed as one big fat long pack of lies.

I had no ability to confront FWW in anything or in any way. I barely remained sane, in retrospect. It would be nice to know where to find the right brick, and just what heft and swing to use. Or where exactly on the compos mentis to apply the impulse. But I neither knew nor cared for more than a year.


It was too late for FWW long before D-Day. Maybe not too late forever, but she was going to be on her own for the foreseeable future. I could not help her. However, I eventually realized it was not too late for me. My oxygen mask first.

“It may take a long time Appy, and it may not happen at all but we cannot know which is the correct path to take until we have healed, can think clearly and have become a whole new person basically.”

Exactamente! This has been my Plan A. I am improving myself. I don't know what all I can ethically become, but I no longer hold myself back. If FWW wants to enjoy the benefits it is up to her. In the meantime, I could not ask for a better life. As I have said before, I like me once again. As it turns out, I did not like me for most of my M. Nor did I like me after D-Day2. With the help and concern of people like you, and a lot of hard work, I do like me once again. The world is again as wide and free and colorful as it used to be before I married FWW in the first place. And DS has a safe and nurturing home.

I agree, with the possibility that there is more than one right path. Some go around to the right, some over, and some under. Just don’t try that that sinister path to the left. It does not end up anywhere near where the others do.


“The complete destruction of two people. MB gives at least one of them, if not both, a way to rebuild themselves to a place where they can make an intelligent decision. And this takes time either way.”

This is so obvious it is profound. Could not have said it better myself. At least one will be saved, if done right.


“I don't know, but it all boils down to what do you want, and how long will you wait for it before you don't want it anymore?”

Well, I could say all things come to he who waits. But that’s inane. I can say, when I don’t want it anymore I have also arrived. That’s the path to the right. I can also say, I will never not hope for joy and salvation for FWW, so here I am. For as long as it no longer harms me or DS.

With prayers,

threadjacking is so interesting

Yes it is.

Does everyone else know you do this on purpose?

SS

who cares ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I like when a conversation veers off unexpectedly ... just like my mind does ...

what were we talking about?

oops ... gotta go work, someone just arrived

Pep

WAT sent me this:

http://home.houston.rr.com/bybayouu/main.html

I'm still laughing. I want a PhD in "Hoax Dating"!

-ol' 2long

I believe this is correct.


At my age, the thought of us getting back 2gether if we dissolve our partnership, doesn't appeal all that much. But that may be because I'm still looking at the walls of the tunnel. There's light at the end, but I'm not needing 2 get there at the moment, perhaps.


I'm still considering offering 2 let my W use the profit from the sale of our 2nd house 2 do whatever she wishes, and I'll get my 50% when we sell our primary house - in months or decades.

But I really don't think about it all that much these days. I just got back from a science meeting in AZ last night. All kinds of new data 2 ponder, with fascinating implications about the his2ry of one of our favorite neighbors out there.

It was nice 2 have a "real puzzle" 2 work on again.

-ol' 2long

...when I was gone (for only 3 days), I didn't get the chance 2 call home - because my W always beat me 2 the punch! We talked on the phone 2 or 3 times each day. A few of those times were about logistics of selling the other house, but even those could've waited until I was back at the hotel.

-ol' 2long

You signed the year book already, 2long?

I want to take "Telecommunications Hexing". I think that would serve me very well, and be fun to boot.

We can't predict the future because we are operating from present and past experience. I just read part of a book called "Stumbling on Happiness" that was really very interesting on the subject of predicting the future.

She's not going to let you go anyway, but I bet if you decided you wanted a certain kind of marriage that included radical honesty and intimacy, complete with growth...you'd get it from her. All of this is just power struggle stuff on her end. Basic low level, second stage, relationship stuff where most people get stuck and stay.

It's where I'd get stuck if I didn't decide I wanted more from a marriage, way more. But then I have a had a lot of failures and the pain of all those failures left me with no choice but to change, and to grow.

That is the only reason it seems like I have grown so much Appy. My pain was so great, I had to grow. There was simply nothing else left to do. Now I might be getting close to where I should have been upon entering adulthood in the first place. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

weaver:

Part of my reason for that quote was because of the "Q"! But no, that wasn't me.

I don't think the phone would ever stop ringing if we split up, unless we did so unamicably <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> (I made up a word!). So, I might get more peace and quiet if I DON'T leave than if I do!...

This morning, there was some gal on the Today show talking about how women give money away 2 help those around them...

My W said something about how she realized recently that the most self supporting thing she did in recent years (meaning, the healthiest "selfish" decision she made), was 2 quit that job she had when RM consulted for her (but that's not why she said she quit - but it wasn't a good environment even if he hadn't been working for her).

I agreed. Then she said, "I would have liked 2 have been able 2 finish that report, though." - the one she waited over a year and a half for RM's input that never came. 2 which I replied "I'm particularly pleased that you left without finishing that report." I think she said "I know" or something like that. Like she agreed with me that it was better for HER, not just me.



She's ridden in my Model A only a couple of times. She suggested that we might go for a drive in it and have a nice lunch this weekend for my birthday.

I drove it 2 work 2day. It's beautiful out! And it purred like a kitten... ...well, like a 1931 kitten would purr! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

"It's nice out. Think I'll leave it out." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

So true! Freeing myself from my role as a BS in a LTA, I feel like a whole decade of my life is missing. A whole big chunk of my life was a lie and I will never get the complete truth and information I need to put the pieces together again. Somehow it is as if I have been in an under water cave, I need to lay in the sun, let the water-soaked wrinkles disappear and regain my orientation again. ...Find out what the real me looks like once my skin is glowing under the sun again ...




Have you ever noticed the similarities of BS that have gaines personal recovery --- whether we've recovered our marriages or not? Plan A and B brought us growth ... albeit very, very painfully at a very, very, very high cost. None of us need to go through that again. Had I known what I know now, were I then who I am now; I would have gone the "Dobson tough love" route.


wise, wise words...

Yes, kind of like leaving the darkness and walking on the sunny side of the street.

Do you think there will ever come a time when it no longer matters what the pieces were that are missing? Maybe healing completely means that it will no longer matter. I hope so for you.

For me, I did not know about MB when my DD's dad was cheating on me while I was pregnant. He was the love of my life and I have regrets that I did not do everything in my power to save us. I admire those who hang in there until all avenues are exhausted, especially when they have children.

I couldn't care less about the rat that brought me here, but my family I sure wish I had tried to save. DD's dad is a good man who couldn't handle the popularity combined with his immaturity that he and his band were receiving at the time of my pregnancy. I think the plan's here may have made a huge difference, but I just didn't know any better at the time.

We get stronger, tougher and wiser as well as happy at a fundamental unshakeble level after surviving and growing from such painful loss and devastation. I guess that is the trade-off.

Thank God for the sun, hey lostintranslation?

You are still young <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Grasshopper.

Such knowledge is worth more than any 42ne, Cookie!

What a wonderful conversation between people I care so much about! First I want to say to Appy that I am pleased to read how far you have come. I no longer hear the extreme pain in your posts. I am happy for you and DS. I do hope and pray your FWW will some day be who God wants her to be.

Weaver, wow! Very profound and very true. I am in a very similar place that you and Aphelion described. Not sure yet what path I will take but for now my children are happy. My life for the last nearly year was a complete lie. It really through me. I really wanted to believe him this time. Is he lying still? I don't know. I can't tell anymore. I don't trust myself to know. Right now I am working on reading a book for ME. For my spiritual growth and my happiness in God. I am thinking getting myself centered spiritually will eventually give me the answer to what path to take. In the meanwhile I plan to get my financial ducks in a row.

Hi FF!

I haven't been following your sitch lately. I didn't realise things have gone south.

Contimued contact or something new?

I'll pray for you and your family.

FF

when you stop worrying about 'him' and what he is doing ... you are looking in the right place for serenity ....

you know I love you

Pep

That is so truthy!

I keep finding my W going out of her way 2 have convos with me.

...all the years I've professed that I don't let whether there's contact or no bother me, it really has only been recently that it doesn't really matter that much 2 me.

I have stuff I like/want 2 do. And so I do them.

...and she wants 2 do them with me, probably because I don't make a big deal about her having 2 or not.

-ol' 2long