D will be final soon. Although I've not given up hope, I have to accept the fact that I cannot make WH want me, love me, or come back to me. I have no control over him. He's made it clear it's over. As hard as it is, I have to now accept that and somehow move on.

Maybe some day he will realize what he's done.

My question is, do I want to keep his last name after the D? I like his name, but I'm torn. Why would I want his last name, if he doesn't want me?

But I have kids, and I don't want it to be uncomfortable for them, their Mom having a different last name.

Anyone been in my situation?

I have not been in your situation but I have thought about it and my feeling is that if there are children involved, the divorced mom should keep the dad's last name. I think it helps the kids to still feel like a family. Children are a link that can never be severed, despite divorce. I think it helps the kids retain some sense of family through a chaotic time.

Catgirl,
I think the last name is a personal choice. My children were all out of the house and on their own so I went back to my maiden name - I live in a very small community and I just didn't want the same last name as ow - it's a pretty distinct last name. I've never regretted changing my name but if my children had still been in school I would have kept my ex's name - just to make it easier and less confusing.

The idea of going back to your maiden name is a relatively recent custom. It happened within my own lifetime.

In the old days, there was a recognition that a marriage, whatever happens, changes you. You can no more go back to your old name than you can restore your virginity. A name wasn't something you "returned" when the marriage ended.

I kept my married name largely for professional reasons. I really think it hamstrings a woman professionally when her name changes to match the ebbs and flows of her love life. (My married name is different from my children's -- but then, so is my maiden name.)

In other words, it's "your" name now.

That said, I can see why you might want to drop all associations with the guy. It's taken me a few years to get to the point where I don't feel like it's "his" name anymore. And when I finally leave the community where the bloodbath took place, it will have even fewer associations with him. It's a good name. Glad I kept it.

Well, I never changed my name when I got married to start with. It never seemed to bother the kids either way. I would always answer to "Mrs. X" if addressed that way (still do) and didn't make a big deal out of it. I just always clarify that I'm "so and so's mom" if there's any possibility of confusion, in an email or on the telephone.