i need advice also on going about exposing the other mans affair on his wife. how should i go about it? i have conversations, He and his wife are both doctors, and practice in the same office. yet when she leaves to go home, thats when he seems to make his move on all these younger white women. i want to know the best way to go about doing this, should i confront face to face, letting his wife know me, and that her husband cheated with my wife, or should i be anonymous? sorry for all the posts, i just feel lost and am going through very tough times!!! any advice would be helpful!

What proof do you have???

This Doctor is likely an operator. He'll deny, deny and deny any and all wrongdoing. WHEN (not if) you expose to his wife it would help greatly to have undeniable proof. Copies of emails, recordings done with a voice activated digital recorder, anything.

Won't matter much though as I think the likely outcome is that your wife will get fired. His wife and he work in the same office. His wife will mostly demand her removal from the workplace whether he denies it or not. THIS IS GOOD. You want your wife out of there anyway and when OM doesn't defend her and tries to put ALL the blame on your wife for the entire affair she will hopefully become aware of just how used she is and how bogus the relationship is.

Here's a little link about affair exposure. If you read through WAT's thread and the links you should find all the information you need.

Wat's Affair Exposure 101

On cursory review it appears you may need to catch up with his wife when she is at home and out of the office. You don't want any confrontation with OM so their office is out. Face to Face is the best and offer her a envelope with copies of "evidence" and/or offer to let her listen to any recordings (if these recordings were done illegally do not give her a copy...only offer to let her listen to yours).

In the end you may end up with a nice sexual harassment lawsuit. He should settle up pretty quickly however doctors are notorious for fighting things out to the bitter end as they have the money to prolong the fight and feel entitled to disputing even obvious claims.

Finally, predators come in all shapes, sizes and colors. OM's race means absolutely nothing. It does not make it worse than anyone else on this board and emphasizing the interracial characteristic of your wife's affair only makes you sound racist. If you continue emphasizing the race factor you MAY only limit the responses you get herein. I realize you are hurting and lashing out and beseech you to realize that this board has members of all races from around the world. This factor may be more significant in your locale and you can address that issue carefully and tactfully; however, straight racism makes you sound like an a$$. YOU are better than OM because you are a faithful and loving husband, individual and father...NOT because you are white.

Mr. Wondering

Agreed. Better have that evidence ready. As you've already had the office take action against you, I suspect that the OM has already spun a story of the "racist husband who can't stand to have his wife work below a black man" to the OMW. Alternatively, it's quite possible that the OMW is aware of the OM's extr-marital activities and will take it out on YOU if you expose them, so it's best you prepare yourself for that scenario as well.

the only thing is the OMW doesnt know anything yet, there office is a private office, which is not where my wife works, shes in the actual cardiology dept. but thats where he goes everyday!! i cant stand the two of them even seein each other. and im not racist at all, it just makes me furious!! b/c i tried to give everything into this marraige, and how do i know if she wont do it again in another 5 years??

Don't worry about 5 years from now....you've got enough on your plate TODAY. You don't really have to decide today IF you want to stay married or not. Expose the affair, bust it up, do Plan A and just be the best husband, father and individual YOU can be and see what happens. You've got time to make decisions about what you want to do. IF your WW gets on board and makes a full recovery effort you should have the opportunity to RE-build a wonderful marriage despite her waywardness today. If, however, you reconcile and don't address the root problems in your marriage (the sweep it under the rug approach) you may just end up in the same position 5 years from now.

The MB program works. A fully recovered marriage correctly utilizing and implementing MB principles is affair-proof. Whether your wife gets on board that may be the eventual sticking point at which time YOU can decide whether YOU want to stay married to her.

I'm rambling...sorry.

Mr. Wondering