This is my first post. I felt I had to respond to you because your story could have been mine. Your husband sounds very similar to mine. Nice guy but not attentive. I had a long standing affair with a coworker. I was afraid to tell my husband about my affair, believing that he would want a divorce. In the end, I didn't tell him, but I did leave sufficient clues that prompted him to confront me. He actually surprised himself (and me) when he he didn't want a divorce. Instead, he's been amazingly understanding and is willing to do anything to make our marriage work. Since the disclosure, we have had our first real conversations in years. As painful as it was to know the truth, the affair forced my husband to open his eyes to our marriage problems. He ended up doing a tremendous amount of research about affairs and why people have them. This helped him to not focus on the affair itself, but on the underlying issues in our marriage.

I wish I had had the guts to disclose the affair on my own. I encourage you to tell your husband. Based on my experience, he may surprise you and not want a divorce at all. Surprisingly, it could actually help your marriage.

I'm not sure what will happen in my marriage. We're working through a lot of issues now, not the least of which is my attachment to the OM. i am trying to let go, but having significant withdrawal. At times I feel like it'd be easier to be with him (he's divorced), but I know deep down it wouldn't be.

Good luck to you.

XOX, how you doing??

(tgdma - WELCOME TO MB!!)

Still thinking about you XOX

XOX,

Welcome to MB.

Look into the future...

Just visualize for a moment...you don't tell your H about this A. You work on your marriage and things between you get better....a few years down the road you start feeling like you can't stand THE LIE anymore...it's eating you alive....so years from now you make the decision to tell him THE TRUTH.

You will have wasted years...years.

Your H will be devastated just the same....and even more so because of the coverup and continued lies...the marriage that APPEARED to be good....was no marriage at all.

It will be even harder to recover then.

But your motive to tell him then will be selfish....the guilt. And it WILL come. You won't be able to quiet it.

Tell him now. Do the unselfish thing now. Tell him now because he deserves to know the truth.

By telling him now it also helps to end the A for good. You'll have to remain transparent during your recovery....it will help you help yourself. The A has less of a chance of starting back up again.


Do you really want that to happen?

Do you really want to live a lie and cheat on your H forever?

Give your M a chance....tell him...expose the affair.

We're routing for ya.

Folks:

I'm afraid that Zocks is long gone.

I hope I'm wrong.

-ol' 2long

Renewed contact and back in the LTA?

Seemed inevitable from the tone of her post and the context of the breakup, IMO.

I think FWW and OM went through a half-dozen or so of these types of crises during their VLTA. It's a hallmark of an LTA.

how about we stop assuming the worse ok??

she needs our help not harsh judgements.

I don't think I was judging her, harshly or otherwise.

I suppose I could have just posted "bump", though.

Bump.

-ol' 2long

what did "Zocks" mean?

oh yeah, and it had only been 6 min from when another poster posted, do you really think it needing bumping up again??

"Zocks" is how I pronounce "XOX".

I wanted 2 name our daughter Xanthe, because I liked how it sounded with an "X" having the "Z" sound. But my W overruled me.

My remark that I didn't think she'd be back was an observation, nothing more...

...well, and a challenge, of sorts, for her 2 come back and prove me wrong.

-ol' 2long

thanks for the explaination. i stand corrected.

I hope she proves you wrong too

still hoping you will come back and post more....