I am almost 24 hours into Plan B after the W broke her promise about not sleeping with HIM anymore -- see "Must I End It?" posted last night for details.<P>She had told me last week that she was going to see a claivoyant to help with her confusion -- I know, another reason not to take responsibility for her actions. <P>Apparently she went today. I received a phone call this afternoon and she was in crying hysterically, telling me that she had just left this person. Her words on the machine were "I just want you to know that I love you. I just want you to know that." End of message.<P>Tonight I got a call on my machine (I'm avoiding the phone) that she knows I don't want to talk to her, but she has to speak with me about what happened at the clairvoyant. "It was amazing." She is out right now but will be home in a few hours and is going to call back.<P>What do I do? Do I break my vow to avoid contact (she panics when she thinks I've done the walk)? Do I listen to this bull****, which is probably just reinforcement for her decision to be with the OM or at least away from me? Or do I stay away from her -- let her suffer from my absence, let her be on her own no matter what? I doubt that the news is good news, so why listen to it? What's the consensus out there?

Hi Big Daddy<BR>You said that you have gone to plan B so stick with it, don't back down now by doing that you are just catering to her whims again, she needs to see that she can't have her cake and eat it, pehaps if she is without you (for a long periood of time not just a few days) she will realise what it is that she wants out of life and make some decisions and then sick to them, I am praying for you and wish you the best in your plan B. Remember plan B is for you, so that no more love can be lost between you and your wife, it must be hard for you with her swinging from one to the other all the time be strong and hold on there.<BR>Jenny<BR>South Africa<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P>

Plan B. If that's what you need now and that's what you've decided, I agree. Stick with it.<P>Good luck - I know how hard it must be.<P>Lori

Bigdaddy<P>Stick with your plan B.<P>You're right about the clairvoyant, but just listen don't be judgemental.<P>My wife and OM went to a psychic who confirmed that they were soulmates, meant for each other, the kids would be fine, I was an ogre etc.etc. This was all they needed to hear - the green light. Yes it was amazing some of the things they heard and truky amazing that they believed. Heaven forbid they should listen to 2 therapists that said she should seek marriage counseling.<P>Well guess what so far not much has worked out the way the psychic said, I didn't go crazy when she told me, both kids will need therapy, she will not live in our dream house with OM, I haven't taken up drinking etc,etc,.<P>After hearing all this I went to see the same psychic. Of course he told me there was nothing I could do about this since they are soulmates. He did say that I was going to meet someone else and described them very clearly.<P>Well funny enough I went to see another psychic(second opinion), that psychic said there was nothing I could do about the relationship, but that in time it would die on its own ( sounds like advice everyone here would say). But the funniest thing was she described the exact same woman to me in the same time frame same number of kids etc.<P>Psychics can be fun but when people act upon what they say in a way that can hurt others then there is something wrong.<P>I share this with you because I hope you won't get angry at your wife. Like you say she's just looking for someone's blessing. When she's without you it seems to have the greatest effect on her journey back to reality.<P>------------------<BR>It's always darkest before the dawn

I've turned off my telephone. She won't be talking to me tonight. But eventually she will get ahold of me -- what do you say when you pick up the phone and they're on the other line?

Bigdaddy just listen don't react. Whatever she asks of you tell her you will think about it and tell her when she can call you next. In plan B you don't want to initiate contact but you still need to communicate especially the listening part.<P>Good Luck

Hi Big Daddy<BR>I would say something along the lines of: "what I am doing I am doing for me, your behaviour is tearing me apart and I can't take anymore, so until such a time that you can make a decision/commit to me and our marrige 100% I would prefer if you did not contct me at all. I am sure that you understand why it must be this way."<P>Well thats what I would say anyway, its just my opinion, I am sure others here will have good opinions to offer you aswell. Be strong and hang in there.<P>Jenny<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P>

Ok, Big Daddy, do you really know what these messages were about??? I mean, she said she loved you and wanted you to know that but you may be leaping to conclusions (my H does that all the time too! !) Take it easy, remain in control. You have a plan, plan B, go with the flow and wait it out. Listen, that's what you need to do is hear the whole thing out and then you'll probably be guided to do what you need to. Just remember that the fact that she said she loves you doesn't mean that you need to panic, does it???? God Bless!

You <B>can</B> talk to her, just don’t <B>initiate</B> contact. Listen to what she has to say, and reply without LoveBusters. If it’s that the psychic (what a laugh) said they are meant to be together, and she is letting you know this, ask her to never call you again (as non-judgmentally as possible). Tell her that when she is <B>really</B> ready to be with you, to get the OM out of her life, that you will accept her calls.<P>When that happens, tell her about withdrawal (which is what happened last time), and that you will be there for her to help her work through it. But she needs to come to YOU first.<BR>