Any advice on Plan A while she is divorcing me?

This is so hard. It is adversarial and I don’t like that.

I need to say no and deposit Love-Units? …

Maybe I’m just mixed up. I just don’t know what to think. I can’t go along with it but I can’t be possessive. What half of the couch should I try to keep? When will I agree to have her pick up her part?...

Why are you in plan A?


L.

I'm sort of in the same situation...in the fact that we are in the process of divorcing. I wanted to put it on hold but my WH doesn't. I'm pla Aing as much as I can when I see him before plan B. But I will not allow him to walk all over me in the divorce process.
This doesn't mean I'll make it nasty... but I didn't leave our family or have 2 affairs.

Still

I was in a similar situation during the process of my LSA with my WW. It's not easy and the best you can probably do at this stage is just eliminate LB'ers while holding your ground.

You don't have to be nice.
You don't have to try and appease her.
Look out for your own interests.
Don't be afraid to say "NO" to her demands or threats.

This time is not easy for you, but realize that you will benefit by going into Plan B...even after you D. You've been at this a very long time now.

HTW

Orchid,
It’s a plan A modified for a man with no children. I’m waiting for the fog to clear and a window of opportunity when that happens. Just giving my M the best I’ve got.


She want’s to pick up her things…but she has not clarified what they are exactly.

For example: are the pictures that took of her my or hers?
If I know that she wants to erase our life together, do I try to keep our souvenirs of trips, wedding, joint projects?
Should I ask for the gifts/ jewellery I gave her back in case she sells them or gives them away?
I’ll think of Gandhi’s resistance to British occupation of India as an inspiration.
And also Jesus “Forgive them Father…”

I’m aloud to say that I hurt. And I do. So I’ll go with that.
What a mess.



If need be I’ll let my lawyer do any taker like work.
DLK21

DLK,

So sorry you are still at this. This is just my two cents on your questions. As far as the pictures, etc., I would try to keep some if I were you. If she wants them as well, then you should split them 50/50. If she doesn't want them, keep them all. As far as the gifts you gave her, they are hers to keep. You can't take them back because you are breaking up. They are her possessions to do as she pleases with, as hard as that may be for you. I don't think she will destroy every last momento of you, no matter what she says. She will keep something, believe me.

How does she act toward you and what is the status of her relationship with OM?

Hey Shattered,
I’ve talked to Steve, Jennifer and Bill Harley and in a sense they believe I’m protected by not really knowing. But the affaire is still going. I have very little contact with her. When I do it is really hard. It is like talking to a hostile alien and I must remind myself of the fog. It is like a big lie from the person I need to agree with the most and the complete opposite of a Joint Mutual Agreement. Basically they say I have very little power over the outcome. I can just wait and protect myself from love busting and from meeting someone else. I am still married. Even if no one in my entourage expects me be faithful, and they have even tried to introduce me, I keep away.

I thought of asking for things I gave to my wife to help her realize that her rewriting and rationalizing our past is not one bit comforting wile she is “involved” (what an euphemism) with OM. “We weren’t meant to be together” etc. I’d like her to think that any jewellery, any thing that I’ve done for her is now completely wrong for her to have and keep and think she deserves.

I’m hurting but at least I’m better at expressing it. She has expressed that I have the martyr role down pat… I’m taking care of myself and learning.

Showing affection with out aprouving. Expressing respect is especially hard.

If I understand what is going on, if our marriage falls thru, I will need to do some major detaching and that will mean selling the house, getting rid of all souvenirs and closing this fiasco of a chapter. That is plan D. She has filed and I’m resisting it, we have 6-9 months to go.