I divorced my first husband over five years ago because of infidelity and we had two young children together that to this day we are in court fighting over. About three years ago I met a man and we started dating after seven months he met my children and after a year of dating we got engaged and had a year long engagement and we have been married about a year. I just found out that during the first two years of our relationship he was seeing other women. He claims that it all stopped when we moved in together and got married. He did not confess the affairs to me I found out from one of the women. He was seeing three other women and was even engaged to one while we were dating. Once I found out about the one he even lied and said she was the only one and then I found out on my own about the others. He swears he has been faithful since our wedding. My last divorce was awful and I don't know if I can go thru another one and my childen adore my husband and are very close to him. I'm so confused and hurt and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because I feel like I am only attracted to men that cheat and lie and I am so ashamed. I don;t know what to do. Can I believe him after all the lies? Can a person really change? He claims over and over how much he loves me and that my children and myself are his entire life and that he has done everthing he can to change for us and has been faithful for a year. Can I believe that?

Tell us more about your first husband, your relationship, and how and why it ended. .. please.

I married my first husband when I was very young, 21 and we have our first child soon after and we grew apart very quickly. He had several affairs that I found out about during the divorce process. I only knew about one for sure and that was why I left him because even after I had undeniable truth he lied and said it never happened and blamed my depression for distorting my sense of reality. But during the divorce he confessed to several affairs. He has remarried and his current wife treats my son who has disabilites very poorly and that is why we are back in court fighting over custody.

Probably not IMO. I wonder what stories he was telling his fiancee to cover his [censored] when he was out dating you?

Faithful for a year? Big deal. It's the lying and dishonesty that he engaged in while you going out that likely has you upset now.

Have you talked with the other W?

I might be pessimistic (you can chalk that up to the mood my FWW's put me in today), but I think you may have M'd a fair-weather friend who's going to only respect his vows as long as the "for better" part of your M continues. Only time will tell if this is the case, but I suspect that it will be a long time before you'll really trust him again.

As for people changing, well, I fell for that too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

I know. All of my insticts tell me to run as fast as I can. My first husband was an all around jerk. My current husband is very loving and wonderful to my children. I swore I would never be this stupid again and here I am again. How can I put my children through another divorce? My son just this past summer was suicidal because of my x-husband and his wife's actions towards him and my current husband was such a support for him to heal. Can I take that away? What will happen to my little boy, he is so close to my current husband? And I love him deeply, we had a wonderful relationship before all this or at least I thought so and he woudl say all the time that he has never been so happy. I'm just heart broken and so hurt I just want to cry all the time.