Hey All, some of your thoughts on this potential situation would be appreciated.

ex may be able to bring the three boys to India this summer while he works there, it would likely be for two to four weeks. It would be a great opportunity for the boys.

Some of the first things that come to mind are:

ex will need to hire someone to stay with the boys while he works. It would be a matter of trust that he do that properly & get someone reliable

Should I take precautions regarding possible kidnapping by ex?

How do I not go crazy with worry the whole time they're away?

Please help me think of other issues that will need to be addressed before this happens.

Yesterday I asked my youngest, 12, how he felt about going, he said he thought it would be a great. I told him I thought it would be a great opportunity for them even though I would miss them & worry. He asked why I couldn't come.

We lived in Spain for about a year for ex's work & I guess he was thinking this was the same kind of situation. I told him things were different now, his dad & I were divorced & he said, well...you could come for us. Gawd, that made me sad.

Wow, what a potentially wonderful opportunity for the kids. I would need to be comfortable with the babysitting situation, so that I'd want to know what the plans are for that before they go. Can you get them a pre-paid cell phone that they can use while they are over there? Will they have internet access, to email you?

Do you have any reason, (including a gut feeling) that he might kidnap them? I certainly can understand the lost feeling you'll have when they go.

Worry is normal, but I would try to plan some kind of vacation for myself while they were gone. Something that would fill the time, so I wouldn't be constantly thinking about it.

Oh, nams, that's a great opportunity for your boys.

Maybe there is a "school" for the boys where they'd learn hindustani and about the history and culture. A lot of times those are fun and would keep the boys out of trouble while exposing them to the country, etc.

Hi Nams,

It might be reassuring to find out what the child custody extradition laws are and what agreements are in place between US and India. Call one of those diplomatic agencies in Washington. (Embassy for India?)

I don't know what your financial situation is, but maybe you could fly out there just to help get it all set up with the nanny. If not, then maybe find out if there is a service in that city for nanny hires for foreign visitors and that would ensure he is at least hiring someone reputable?

If it were me and my peace of mind, I would do some of the legwork myself. Sounds like a wonderful opportunity for the boys to visit another country/culture.

V.

What a fantastic opportunity. I'm all for international travel.
I'm guessing your X is not Indian, so a country kidnapping will likely not occur. India is also a caste system, and many people there have Ammah's (or nannies), so I'm sure there is a system for visitors.
I've used hotel sitters recently for business trips and they've worked out great (but expensive). In our trip to Salt Lake city, I specifically asked that the girls teach my girls about Mormon history, and they did.
Yes, you'll miss them. But three weeks to yourself, imagine that.
Then again, you could vacation for a week in India in the middle.

Nams, how old are your boys?

2-4 weeks... I would go with them!
(India is not expensive, just a trip is...)

My X is planning to take our boy (5) to Brasil for 2-3 weeks, and I said only if I go (well, my X would be happy if I go...)
I will pay costs for me, although would probably stay with them, at X's friends' home (to watch all of them <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />), and be close to my boy and take care of. (My X is not bad with him, but a foreign country, kidnapping (I'm so afraid of), and X's friends and their time together (all of them love drinking)... No way I could allow that (at this age of my son anyway)...
So, if it takes I'd take a loan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I wouldn't like my son misses that opportunity, and I cannot imagine myself sitting here and worrying...

Thanks guys.

The opportunity is fabulous for the boys. When my youngest said to me the other night that I could go & be with them my first thought was, gawd no! To spend all that time in close proximity to ex & this trip so reminiscent of another...Then I thought, wait a minute...could it work? I just don't know. It would solve a lot of problems & I'd love to see India, especially with my boys.

Unlike you, B2M, I don't think ex would be happy for me to go, & I don't want the possibility of my going to come across as a threat...either I go or the boys stay...though ex may not be able to handle my going.

No, newly, ex is not Indian. I thought about what the hotel might offer, but, honestly, if the boys are in India & ex is working during the day there goes a whole chuck of time for exploring the country. A guide or nanny maybe? But would I feel they were safe enough? I don't know.

Thanks for the suggestion, sunny, I will check on the laws. I don't really think ex would kidnap them, after all he's happy to be a part time dad. Were he taking them to Spain then I'd really worry about kidnapping. He feels a kinship with Spaniards & I believe he'd love to move there.

GG, if the boys thought they'd be going to "school" they'd rather stay home. They'd prefer, & so would I, that they get a chance to get out to see & experience the county.

Maybe some thoughts on diplomatically bringing this up to ex & making it an appealing option?

The same with my X, and the main reason he'd love me to go with them is to be - a nanny (and if it's with no costs for him - he'd be the happiest man in the world <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)
(3-4 days he's very good dad, all after that he'd be too tired and would love to have time just for himself (and his friends), than after that break, it's OK to be with the son again... And he also knows how big responsibility (and risk) would be to leave him with anyone else...)


Offer him your free (if that means a lot to him too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) and safe nanny services.

I'm sure your boys would enjoy much more that way; they wouldn't waste much time waiting for their dad to come from work, but explore the country all the way

... and really, many things depend on children' age... and their 'maturity'...

It's time to be creative.
I'm sure if they will be a large city, there are museums and other sights to see. Nannies can certainly escort children to these local sites. Hotel based sitters are more expensive, but then they also have background checks.

It could be a win-win for everyone. Even if you only go for a week. Perhaps you go the first week, and do all the research and decide where you are comfortable for the boys to go with an escort.

Think about the museum research they could do, and papers for the upcoming school year. Photojournalists at a young age?