Hello,

I was just wondering what people think is too many sexual partners for a man or women to have by the time they get married?

I’ll post the range I think is an average before it’s too many; just my opinion:

Men: 2-9
Women: 2-5

I was also just wondering what are some of the reasons why some people have such high number of sexual partners?

Is it just because they like having sex, or does it go deeper than that. For example, self-esteem issues, issues growing up, etc…just wondering.

Thank you,

olimits7

I think the number of partners AFTER one marries is more important

And why, btw, is it ok for a man to have 4 more partners than a woman??

interesting questions.
I am not really sure how to answer.

I imagine there are many reason why some people have such a high number of sexual partners....i don't think it is always as simple as liking sex though......i like sex...i know a lot of people who like sex but don't feel the need to have it w/ many different people.

What about none BEFORE marriage and only the spouse after?

Or is that too perfect to really happen?


Mark

i think 5 for a guy is too many

That was me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> .....too bad it did not deter my husband's affair. Somehow it seems to make the violation worse....anyone in a similar sitch?

Ace

Same here, Ace. At the 6 year mark she had a fling with a prior boyfriend. 25 years and two beautiful children later we are doing good.

Mark, it is a sign of our times that this question even comes up. I would think your suggestion should be the norm rather than the exception.

Same here, she was only women I was ever with. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It makes me physically sick to think about her and another man violating our vows of marriage.

I try to be tough, though, for everyone's sake.

N2L and GnF,

After we did the MB questionnaires, my H admitted (for the first time) all the details of his first experiences (5 partners) before he met me. For all of 32 years, he always said he did not remember.

Often, I wondered if we might have a knock on the door someday from a 'product' of one of the liaisons as he seldom used protection.

He also said he would have married me even if I was NOT a virgin. Some consolation considering he claims "God 'forced' him to marry me".

When I went to get BC pills before we got married and answered "0" on the registration form question about number of partners, the nurse tried to get me to 'tell the truth'.

I was incensed.....and then sad, knowing that the innocent days were in the past...and this was early '70s!

Ace

N2L,

Is your sitch listed somewhere? Your timing seems similar to ours except your wife's A was 25 years ago.....really?

Ace

698,412 is too many.

Just not sure by how much.

Premarital? There really isn't a magical answer to that because it assumes a lot. A woman can be a prostitute with a client roster the size of a small town and turn a new leaf. If a man can love her for who she is in spite of who she was, then 5,000 isn't too many. The same applies when the genders are reversed. By that same token, I know men who can't "forgive" if the one and only prior "partner" was because of rape (I have names for these cowards that I can't use in public forum).

Another way to phrase this question is, "how many prior lovers does it take to make you feel or act insecure?" If that answer is any greater than zero, you need to give serious consideration to where you are now, where you are headed in a relationship and how you feel about the fact that you can't change the past in spite of your best efforts.

As others have said, the more important question is, "how many are too many AFTER marriage?"

When you can't remember their names or what they look like, then you've had too many!

As Diamond David Lee Roth once said; "I don't count, I divide and conquer."

Yep. There are a few of us it seems

Hey Big K,

Glad you posted to this thread....I'd forgotten about it way over here in quiet land.

Thanks for all the help you generously offered me a few months ago when I first registered. My H laughed when I told him you said he'd have to challenge Mrs. BK for the title "best of the worst WSs" on the MB boards. Do you remember saying that?

It's only been two months since I posted this question after Mark mentioned "None then one after marriage".....glad you answered. Wonder how many more 'old fashioned' guys/gals are out in MB land....wanna fathom a guess?

Ace

I go a step beyond Bob and get angry with those who get married knowing how many partners their spouse had in the past, then feel they have the right to get upset about it. If you're so disgusted by it, you shouldn't have married them in the first place. I also think that obsessing about someone's past is usually a way to avoid thinking about the present or the future. It neatly dodges current issues and allows one to feel superior and cast blame.

I never kept notches on the headboard, but I'd guess there were around 25-30 before I met my husband. This may shock many here, but I'm neither repentant nor regretful. Why should I be? I had a good time and nobody got hurt. Somehow assigning a number that's "too many" seems absolutely ridiculous to me. If you're against premarital sex, the number should be zero (rape should never be counted for any reason). If you're not against it, how can you assign a number that's magically slutty? What's the math formula?

I think it's important that those who believe in premarital chastity marry someone who has the same values. We just aren't those people.

Analogy time....

Duct tape, also known as RACE CAR TAPE, 200 MPH TAPE, AIRPLANE TAPE and a host of other uses has some interesting properties. If you stick it to something and leave it there for a long period of time, it can only be removed by destroying it. It simply will not come off and even when removed leaves a good deal of itself behind.

But if we take that same tape and stick it to a surface, remove it soon after and reattach it to the same or a different surface, it doesn't take long before it will no longer stick to anything. Each time it is removed, it leaves a bit of itself behind and eventually just isn't sticky enough to adhere to anything.

The more surfaces duct tape is attached to and removed from, the less able it is to actually attach itself with any permanence to any surface.

Anybody need an explanation?

Mark

I do remember that Ace. LOL.

I think there are possibly more than we think.

Big K,

Seeing Mates4Life 'renewal 'thread with her Mr. Incredible's turn-around (Princess Meggy's and other's success stories) tempts me to find a forum for inspiring success stories, whether the couples used MB principles or not.

Does your Mrs. BK post on MB? If so, what is her screen name? If not, has she told you why? To keep this from being a TJ, is she willing to reveal how many partners she had before you guys were married? Do you know?

Mark,



I like clear duct tape to be able to see my vision for the future and ensure that my H is transparent.

Great analogy, Mark.

Ace