Glad to hear she's getting out. That sounds like a must to me. Things will get easier for you when it happens.

I am feeling better - 2 nights of more than 6 hours of sleep. More friends supporting me this week. I talked to 2 aditional friends who have offered support and even one friend who is stationed in Hong Kong offered to let me live in his house for free. IF there is a silver lining to this it is that I have found out how many good friends I really have.

She has had major LB withdrawls over that past 5 weeks. I am kind of looking forward to her moving out. It will be hard without the DDs, but it will be better without her here.

MNMike,

Sorry the Wild didn't play a better game while you were there. Hopefully you still had fun anyway.

I work close to the Excel so I keep a pretty close tab on how those guys are doing. Looks like an up season for them. They're playing well but, man, they're in a tough conference.

Let me get this straight: your WW is moving out and taking your children with her?

I think you probably need to get the courts involved, buddy. I don't recall where all that's *at* exactly.

graycloud,

I believe she is leaving WITH the kids and Mike's transferring a car to her name also.

Mike does not want to keep the kids (well, he says that somehow they are better off with her) and it seems he does not really want to follow MB advice to recover his M (she should go WITHOUT kids/car!)...

Given his actions and statements, I get the impression (I could be wrong of course) that Mike just wants to be done with it.

Mom, a FWW whose been there

The car is already in her name. she makes over $80K a year so I am not able to hurt her much financially. She also owns stock and has $10k in savings. Her parents gave her a free place to live for a while and they have said "they don't want to get involved". I can't expect people to fully understand my situation, but it really is best that she has the kids.

I want my marriage saved, but she is not willing to do anything. I am doing a remote plan A and hoping things fall apart. Maybe it would be better if I moved on. This place sucks.

Mike,

This is where I got the impression that you were giving her the car. Like in my M, the car is "mine" (it is referred to as mine) but DH makes the payments, he took out the loan, so it's mine but not mine if I was to leave. That's how I interepreted it and if I was wrong I apologize.

I still feel very strongly about the children as some other posters here do. It is from OUR OWN experiences that we have the opinions we do, what worked for us and was best for our kids.

If you could give us more details as to why the kids are better off with WW then maybe we could understand better. We've had very little explanation in that regard (except that you didn't want children).

We all do want to help. This place doesn't suck, it's tough love at times for sure, but this place saves marriages and heals people. We are all proof of that.

All the best,

Mom

When I said "this place sucks", I did not mean this web site. I meant "this place in my life".

I am not sure if I can explain why the kids are better with her. She was the most devoted mother I have ever seen. Until now, the kids were number one. I work a lot. An 8 hour day and then nearly 2 hours from home a night. Plus, I was the one who had to be convinced to have kids. She never had a doubt. So, I think if I were to try for custody then she would see it only as a ploy to make things hard on her by using the kids as a pawn and she would be very, very mad. Biggest LB ever. I do think that the pain she sees in DD4 because they live with Grandma and the difficulty she will have living with her parents will be a lot for her to deal with.

The day she moved out she was super emotional. We kissed dozens of times - her tongue even slightly touched mine a couple of times. I know this is hard on her. But, she now has babysitters for dates so she will have more time with OM.

Since she moved out I have slept a lot. Could be a different phase of depression. I think it is that I am more relaxed in general - not looking at her and being upset. I am going to bed without anger on my mind and all kinds of sickening visual thoughts. I also went 6 weeks with almost no sleep - my body needs this.

My prediction is that we divorce. Meanwhile the flame will die down with OM and she will have many doubts she took the right path. I don't have a prediction for long term though. Gut feel tells me I will move on later this year. If she comes back it is likely to be too late. But, I don't really think she will come back. That is why I don't know how much I should put myself through. Right now I would take her back without hesitation. We are talking to a lawyer today together on recommendation of a relative who is a lawyer. We will then decide the next steps. She has offered me a good finacial deal to move on. I am tempted to take it.

There are several guys here who got railroaded into quicky divorces.
I think you will regret not fighting her, but its your choice.

At least the kids have Grandma to watch after them. Looks like mom makes them second and looks like you just don't care if that happens.

Yes, I agree Mike. Please think about that, I think it crosses a lot of BS's mind TOO early in the process.




Ask yourself in all seriousness "Do I want a Divorce?". If there are no doubts you do, then by all means, rethink your strategy. But, if you answer "No", then...don't make it easy. I was advised to let my WW do ALL of the heavy lifting. Do exactly that, you don't have to do much at all if you are separated and Plan A-ing. You can't do much, only what she lets in. Plan A your WW with no expectation of anything in return and talk marriage, not divorce.

At the same time, you are doing the right thing by getting your legal representation quietly in order.

Yes, the flame will die with OM. Where will you be? Monitor your love for her, limit exposure to the WW (Plan A your W, Plan B the WW), and stay the course. Plan B may be in your future, and that will help you retain love for your W, protect YOU from the hurt, and allow you to move forward. Let her move backwards in life, you can't do anything about that right now.



Mike, it's too early to give up. I know you are the most familiar person with the situation there is, but I really would encourage you to stay the course and not have these thoughts. You are NOT the first person to think EXACTLY that. I'm sure some others will jump in and second that!!!

So, Be still. Focus on you. Stay the course.
Why?



That's why.

mike all I can say is that I have been there or I should say I am there.

Remember this simple thing, you have been intrusted with the welfare and care of god's children, their not your children, you have been give a charge to raise and care and bring them up so that they can one day they will be something great, president, a doctor, or maybe a schoolteacher. If they get their life off track and are allowed to be placed second or third in yours and your wifes lifes then they will be lost.

YOu can convince yourself that that its better for them to be with her, but her is not who they are with, they are with a wayward. They are will someone that will teach them the wrong message.

Now are you comfortable with that?

Mike


What do YOUR parents say about her taking the children? Just curious.

Whoops! My bad. My apologies...and in that case, I certainly agree.


Thanks viking...this is how I was thinking but couldn't express it properly. She is not the mom Mike remembers, she is somebody else. I can't believe her parents would be okay with her "dating" this OM. And Viking, I admire what you are doing with your child(ren).

Mike is incredibly hurt and downright exhausted and feels at the end of his rope as far as what he can take. My hope would be that after he gets a reprieve from the daily drama of his wife's A, he will have a clearer head to think about what's best for the kids.

Mom

Me too!!!

You are correct. I can't handle much more. I am not doing anything more for a while. I am not filling out any divorce paperwork. I am the only one with the "questionaires" so that will slow things a little..