I'll spare the gory details, you can read my old posts for those.

STBXW and I have been split for over 5 months now. D is in process. I have the house (and the debts), she is in an apartment. We have a 4 y.o. DD that goes back and forth betwen our homes. In Nov. 06, W called one day and said she missed me but didn't want to talk about it. It's never been talked about or mentioned since.

A few weks after that, she met another man. Now she is telling me that she loves him and has no feelings at all for me.

I don't want this D since she has done NOTHING to try and save our 6 year marriage but now I'm feeling as though I should just give up hope and do my best to move on and cherish the times I have with my DD. Sad, but I'm suffering emotionally and physically. I need to decide.

STBXW knows I don't want the D but it is of no matter. I love her and want her back to work on things, very slowly. Eliminate LB's, refill the love bank. I've read so much here, and I see that there is always hope......

Is this a common behaviour? She was the WW and is BiPolar. In this new relationship she think's it's a fresh start and can start over wth someone who doesn't know the past.

Thanks........Do I let the M go or keep hoping for reconciliation?

Boy, your situation sounds kind of like mine. Going through something similar, I don't even have any advice for you. We separated a while back, I filed for D after finding out she cheated on me, more than once over the last year. I didn't want to file really, but she was set on destroying our 12 year M that I really felt I had no choice.

Just last weekend I found out she had another BF, not the one she cheated on me with, and that she was happy, almost anxious to get the D over with. Talk about salt in the wound.

All I can say that I have found in my own situation, is that if my XW is dating again, she has to have a lot of baggage along with her. If she remarries so quickly, it can't last long because I would assume her cheating on me actually benefited her, and somewhere in her mind, it wasn't a bad thing. I just feel sorry for the poor guy she is dating, maybe thinking he has really found someone worth spending money on.

I am not really a fan of reconciling, but I would say if she really doesn't want you back, is on to other BF's, even a sexual relationship, maybe she has moved on, and you should let it go. I am hurting too, it destroyed me to divorce my wife of over 12 years, but when they have moved on so quickly, is getting them back really an option, or just some sad hope. I know in my case, I can't go back to where I was before. The trust I once felt for her is gone, and no hope of getting it back.

I hear a lot of me in your post. I am in a very similar place. Just what I feel right now.

Good luck

My gut guess? I’d start focusing on the time with your daughter and taking care of yourself. For now, put the marriage on hold. That does not mean you have to take a chain saw to it, just don’t put any time, effort, energy into it. Avoid talking with your STBXW. Do things that make you happy. Hang out with friends. Repaint a few rooms. Get a cat or a fish. Whatever. BTW, I think it was incredibly callous and tacky of her to tell you she was “in love” with this new man. You may have needed to know about her dating him, but not the goopy details. Ick.

I shouldn’t be surprised though. People do strange things. I know someone, in real life, who is engaged. The trouble is her divorce is far from over. And yes, she’s actually wearing an engagement ring.

Thanks GG......It's odd. We'd been through so much good the first few years, then the last year got rocky. She decided she needed her independence since she claims she had always relied on a man to take care of her all her adult life. Her self esteem was shot. BP kicked in and she hit the bar scene.

Now after such a short time she's back letting a man take care of her. I stay away, only conversations we have are about our DD or D proceedings or child support. No chit chat or visits. Since she met him, She won't even come into the house she loved (which she chose and decorated - I paid) anymore when she drops off DD.

Too bad.....What's the old saying: "If you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be."

Even thouigh I've let go, a part of me inside still wants to hang on and have hope.

Well, you can hope. I think you may be better served to make a list (I’m big into lists) of what your STBX would need to do BEFORE you’d be willing to reconcile. If I were in your shoes, my list might look like this:
1. Get therapy and if necessary meds to control the bipolar symptoms. Stay in therapy.
2. Ditch Mr. New.
3. Live alone without dating for X amount of time. I’d probably say 1 year, given her reason for leaving.
4. Demonstrate through her day-to-day life that she is a good marriage candidate, ie: no bar hopping, no splurge spending, no dating around, no job hopping, a reasonable amount of housework, family activity, etc.
5. Demonstrate her decision to reconcile is not based on fear.
But, you need your own list.

That way, when Mr. New falls apart and she’s in the depressive stage, and she comes running back to you, you aren’t going to be bowled over and taken advantage of.

After that, just take care of yourself. It gets better. And, suddenly, one day, you’re happy again.

Sorry, HT, but it doesn't sound like you've let go. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

Dwelling on lists of what the WS should/needs to/must do are not real productuive or efective.

My opinion? A WS should get a life and make it not about the WS and the A. The A is not about the BS, it is all about the WS, their own problems, their own lack of integrity. BS can not control WS or turn them into the person we thought they were or think that they could be.

What a BS can do? Take all that [censored], turn it intocompost, and use it to fertilze their life.

Perhaps I can re-phrase my comment. From outside appearances,.... As far as she or a casual observer can tell, I've let go and am moving forward. In MY heart and private thoughts, I have not.

I was previously married for 16 years. We got married too young and drifted apart as we got older. I got over her very quickly.....This one on the other hand is driving me nuts!