I have noticed that nowadays i have a shorter span of patience with my teenagers. I snap after being trapped with them for a whole day. I feel like i'm smothering just being with them, having them depend on me. I've homeschooled for almost 13 years (not anymore)and now since A, i can't be depended on for any length of time without losing it. I get snappy and angry. Very angry. I have to hide to vent my anger. I just feel pressure just being a mother, and i was wondering, "Is this part of A mess?" Has anyone else felt like they had less to give, and some days, none?
I feel guilty because they haven't done anything to me,they are the same, i'm going crazy being a mom and before the A being a mother was my life.
Now i am sacrificing(bearing it) if i'm alone with them for three hours( and cannot do two days in a row usually) not to lose it. And, even when i can contain my anger, i still have it inside. I don't treat them bad physically, i just get snappy with answers, and have to go to my room. I feel like a caged person. I just want to run.
I feel like i could move away and leave my family for months without a problem, i actually daydream of doing that. It would be so great, to just hide out alone.
??

my only child is a year old, and i can relate. hopefully she's not old enough to notice.
but i increased my dosage of antidepressants and that seemed to help.

good luck to you.

I have found myself to have the opposite effect from my A. Since my A, throughout my recovery, I have found myself to be a better parent than ever before. I have more patience and kindness; and I am more willing to play, do homework, etc. I suppose I think that my DD may be the only person I have left if my BH decides to leave.

Be patient with yourself ... you are going through a lot. But remind yourself that your kids have unconditional love for you and try to give that back no matter how hard it may be. There is a book called "Real Love" all about giving and receiving unconditional love. It is very interesting and could be helpful.

Hang in there!

I was nicer to kids at first, too, but in the last few months i feel i can't take the pressure of responsibility. I've been getting H to do about everything he can, i've been feeling so good when i'm alone that when i'm with them all again i'm overwhelmed quickly.
I will not give up, ever, thanks for the recommendation of the book.
Kids do forgive easily, and i have open communication with them and allow them to vent to me, so we always fix it, i apolgise when i need to.
When my H left(year ago) my kids were troopers, we clung together like a combat unit, they told me to get over dad and to move on, they moved on, in just a couple of weeks. Now that H is home(almost a year) and we are happy they are so happy and stable, but sometimes i sense they are waiting to jump H if he wavers.haha Especially my DD(16).
Big difference in how H treats kids now, he is great compared to before he had A. He is so grateful and nice to them that his love can be felt and seen. He spend lots of time with them now, and is really involved. I love it, it is an answer to many years of prayers. He didn't miss their whole life!!!! YAY!

Anti-depressants might help. Sometimes one of the signs of depression is being easily irritated. If it continues, see your doctor.

Healing,

Yes I definitely had problems dealing with my kids.They were 7 and 10.

I also had to go to another room at times...it was like having an anxiety attack (I had never had one before A, so I'm guessing that is what it was).

Right before I confronted my FWH, the kids and I and ILs went to the beach for a week. FWH was home being followed by a PI. I remember that I could "play" with the kids for a short period at a time. They asked me to play cards and I could but only for one game then I would go back into my bdrm and hang. Thank goodness for my ILs! They knew what was going on and they took care of the kids pretty much all week.

However, now after all this time I have learned to cope better with them. I don't get as angry as quickly. I guess I've learned alot of self control (ya know you have to use so much of it when you have all this anger from A).

Healing, go easy on yourself. Four kids is alot!!! You do need to take time for yourself, especially now.

I remember telling myself that I needed that time. The kids would be a whole lot better off if I was mentally healthy. Do what you have to to get there.

I didn't mention though, that my H is spending less time with our DD(5) ... I just want to shake him and say "My A has NOTHING to do with her! Go back to being the dad you used to be!" But I am trying not to be a source of frustration for him, so I'm doing my best to make up for his slack with her. He'll figure it out soon enough.

Healing,

Unfortunately an A has many consequences. Childrens negative behavior and our ability to tolerate might be one of them.

My FWW and I are having a lot of problems with our OS. Seems like he is having a hard time adjusting to our recovery.

He is getting into some sort of trouble on almost a daily basis.

While my FWW and I were not getting along she took his side a lot even when he was wrong.

I think unfortunately many have one foot in the M and the other out of the M or at least they are hoping for the best and planning for the worst.

Sometimes the parents are extra nice to the kids or have more tolerance.

Then recovery starts and things change.

It has in our M. So I can only say my tolerance for my OS is very low as a result of his bad decesions right now.

If he stops rebelling at every turn that won't be the case.

Believer,
I didn't know about it being symptom of depression possibly, i'll think about it, cause i am easily irritated, not just at kids. I didn't want to do AD meds if possible but i do want to stop this leaking rage, that's what it feels like. I cannot contain it some days. I am spitting venom at the computer, the fax machine, when i can't find the cordless phone and it's ringing, i can't handle the simplest frustration without venting.
Thanks for post.

MicheleG
Thanks for kind words, i am taking time for me, i'm trying to work on me alot, it just doesn't seem to help my fuse get longer. I do have good days, my kids are so sweet, i really miss being who i WAS with them. I try to talk to them alot and stay in touch with their lives, in bits and pieces. Like today, i found all 4 of my cordless phones upstairs, 3 dead, where my teens take them up, and leave them at night. I cursed them, i said i hated kids and i cannot wait for them to grow up(all of this while alone). They make life so stressful. That's how i feel when it hits. Then when i get past it i can deal with them again. But during the leaking i want to escape. I have felt this before during homeschooling when i was really under pressure by H to do it and needed help and he wasn't there for me. So, maybe depression is my problem. I could've been that for many years.

frognomore,
Our DS(17) has given us grief this year too because of A, he isn't following any rules, skipping school with girlfriend, skipping classes with friends, going places without permission, being very disrespectful to H to his face, he's been acting out quite alot. But we have put him on restriction to the point he does very little, and he still acts out. We have found that when H takes up one on one time with him he calms down. Also, when H and I punish him together and are firm he calms down for a while. So, i think he's just still a lil unstable from his dad walking out on us. I have wondered if i should take them all to counselor to talk about it. The other three act ok, but you never know.?
My H gave money easily to sons while he wasn't living at home, so they realized they could just use him for what they want, being that he didn't care about them anyways. They told me that.So, building a relationship with kids is his priority right now, after the M.

I'm glad i'm normal, whatever that is, while life is healing, it makes me not worry as much. I need to buy some fuse somewhere and then i'll be fine. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

time for change,
Your H could be so immobilized or impaired he can't. I was that way for months. My sister moved in with me for 6 wks. and i don't know half of what kids did, i was in a fog of my own. It's called shock.
Now, life is back to normal, but i'm not. I'd love to snap out of it, my kids are my life, but my life as i knew it doesn't exist in my head, i'm still putting pieces back together in my mind.I get in funks and can't get out for days.
Please understand if he was a great dad before that he may just need time to heal, don't shake him, it could rattle something else loose in his head. My head hurts still from shock of A, a year later. I get sharp tingling pains around the skull everytime i trigger.
Your supporting him in healing, and taking up the slack with DD, so you'll all get thru this together, and DD has lots of time left with dad before she's grown. He'll be back.
If i figure me out i'll post it, maybe it'll help others. Maybe i'll find long fuses on ebay. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

My OS is just disrespectful toward us and he is not doing his schoolwork.

Again my FWW used to help him a lot. I know why it all happened. He was somewhat of a pawn for her.

Now that we are recovering he is lost. He is very smart he knew he could play us against each other. The other thing is my FWW is a recovering alcoholic as well.

We are working with punsihments, just like yours he is punished forever and we are working with the school.

We are considering counseling as well.

The problem is my FWW tells him what is wrong and he mirrors what she tells him.

I just don't think he would be like this if it weren't for the A and the subsequent fall out and then the recovery.

But we will get through it.