I need some advice as what to do. My WH cheated on me with his cousin's wife, who was supposed to be a good friend of mine. When I found out about the A and how they both felt about each other, my WH and I talked and decided to make our marriage work. I told her to more or less back off and let us have that opportunity. She did not do that and she told him something I told her in confidence. I am glad she told him now, but I want to know why she told him, because she knew it would be something that would upset him enough to maybe leave. But it did not turn out that way, it actually brought us closer and that is the only thing that I have ever kept from him.

I want to write her and let her know how I feel. That she was never a friend to me and that I feel she used me all these years to get to my husband. The A just took place for two weeks while I was pregnant. She says she loves my kids and cares about me, but she does not care for anyone but herself. She makes me sick to my stomach. I am just so angry and depressed I don't know what to do.

I was doing so good and just all of the sudden I feel this way. I need some advice as to if I should write her this letter or not.

Thank you for your advice,


___________________

BS - me - 30
WH - 31
Married - 8 yrs
Together - 14 yrs
D-Day - 10-02-06
Finally told me the truth of his feeling about OW - 1-03-07
DD - 3 mths
DS - 2yrs
Currently working things out, just going through a rough patch (me) that is.

Doesn't sound like the OW is open to being reasonable so why waste your words?

For now I suggest you write the letter for your therapy but do NOT send it. OW learns these kinds of lessons the hard way..... with a solid dose of reality. Exposure.... is your best tool. My hunch is the OW has done it before or will do it again with her current attitude.

You and your H should read His Needs/Her Needs....call Steve to get a good recovery plan setup.

Be glad you are no longer in the control of the mothership (aka: the A) and the OW.

JMHO,
L.

I agree with Orchid....journal the letter just to get it out of your system. Or spout it off here to get input on possible solutions to help you deal with your feelings.

I wrote and mailed letter(s) to the OW. She lied, was in denial, and it was a waste of time thinking I was "helping" her. And I kept my H alive in her memories by doing so.

Had I known about MB ....well never mind....at least I know now.

Should we start an OW Dumpster? That could get rancid quickly.

Ace

Jam:

First off:




Nothing you will ever say to the OW will have any effect. And Anything you do say will be used against you to destroy your Marriage. And you will never, ever have confidential communications with OW.

And second:



That should be obvious!

And third:



She isn't worth that.

Have you Exposed the Affair to the appropriate people, like OW Husband and other realtives to insure that she leaves your WH Alone?

Have you and your Husband prepared a "No Contact" letter as detailed in various places on this site?

That is really the only communication you ever need to do with OW.

Anything else feeds into OW desire to get YOUR WH back.

And to make her feel important.

Treat OW like an old grocery list, there it is cluttering up your purse, ball it up and throw it away....

Anything you need to know, you can get from your H. You need to be talking with him. This creates intimacy and closeness in your Marriage.

That will keep this OW and future OW away from you M.

And the letter you want to write? Go ahead and write it. Say whatever you are thinking/feeling/believing in that letter. You do not have to mail it. It might even make it easier for you to understand where you are, and over time, where you have come from.

You may even want to give the letter to your H. But if you say terrible things about the OW in there, He might be compelled to defend her. And you don't want that. Cuz that can get ugly. But, if it's how you feel? What you are thinking? Not LB/DJ/AO for WH? It can become a discussion starting point. And that's a good thing.

But OW?

She doesn't care how you feel. If she did, she wouldn't have tried to breakup your Marriage.

My BS was able to confront the OW and say various things on a couple of occassions soon after Dday. She wanted to say more, and really rude things too, but time passed. She talks with me. And we get a little closer each time.

.

I appreciate it the advice. You are right I need to just talk to my WH and I have been and things are much better because of it. I just feel so betrayed by her because she was a good friend and I feel like everything she ever said to me was a lie and I hate that I let her even watch my son sometimes and listen to her after all this tell me that she loved my son and cared about my daughter who I was pregnant with at the time of the A.

She lives in the same town as us and moving right now is not an option for us, so sometimes I see her.

I appreciate everyone reading and giving their advice, believe me it is much needed.

Thanks,