My husband had an affair...he doesn't understand why I would take him back. He said if he were in my shoes he'd would of left a long time ago. He says he is tainted goods and I don't deserve to be with someone who did committed adultery This is a stumbling block to our reconciliation. Help!

Welcome to MB,

Can you give more details... how long married, Kids?, when was dday.
Has the A ended?

Still

will be married 6 years in March, no kids, remarriage for both of us. We are 39 and 44. Yes he says he has broken it off...but I think he has some emotional attachment to her still.

When did you find out about affair. Did you discover it or did he admit to it.
How long ago did it end, he may be going through withdrawel.
After my WH first A he wanted me to kick him to the curb... always thought I would but when it's happening to you your perception changes.
Are you two in MC

Still

I found out a month ago. He has been seeing a counselor ie. life coach who does other couceling for some work related issues. And I just started seeing a counselor seperately. He doesn't want to see a counselor together at this point because he doesn't know if we are going to work things out. He just wants to work on the things he wants to that he went to the couselor for. She also states that he needs to work on himself before he can even start on the marriage. I suspected the affair and found proof and confronted him with it. We've been seperated and at one point because he thought he was losing me came and cried his heart out and said he didn't want a divorce and wanted to work things out but now he is considering divorce because he feels that we did not have a "connection" prior to the affair and we were just really good friends and he doesn't know if we really have anything to restore.

It sounds like he is rewriting history. And the things he's saying are very common for WS. Are you sure that the A is over?
Also you might want to read Surviving An Affair offered on this website. Read all you can.
Hang on for the real experts to help...
Do you want to save your marriage? If you do you are in the right place.
Is the OW married or single. Do you know who it is?
If she is married you want to expose the affair to her husband.

Still

She was married but had filed for divorce and it was final around the time I found out. Her ex ended up calling me and that was the final proof before I confronted him. Yes I know who it is. And how it all started. In most ways I want to work on the marriage but do have fears. As does he. In some ways I think he is stalling. But why I don't know. He says he wants to stop hurting me and just be by himself and not hurt anyone. And he keeps questioning if it is even going to work and he doesn't know if he has the energy to really make a go at it.

He sounds very confused. Does he still have any contact with her? If he does that needs to stop. Because that is only adding to his confusion. He sounds as he he might also have some depression.
How long was the A?
You mentioned being separated are you two living in the same house now? It's much easier to plan A when living together.
I wish I could be more helpful....as you can see I haven't been very successful

Still