My wife disclosed the emotional affair by telling me she wanted to call this OM (this back in mid-December). Right after she disclosed the affair she told me she wanted a quick divorce otherwise she would get pregnant with the OM's child and I'd still be responsible. It's now blossomed into a physical affair (they new each other for ~4 months).

She says this OM has already declared his love for her and wants to marry her and that she loves him. She's very clear that she will NEVER take me back. Now my wife is very well educated (finishing her Phd) and knows all about the honeymoon stages of relationships. Is this for real then? We've been together 6 years and married for 3.
At first I received mixed signals from her, but since I've moved out most of the communication we've had has been about the divorce. I'm not contacting her in any way in order to protect my heart, but I love her still so much. Last time I saw her she had self help books about how to let your husband go when the marriage ends.

It's been 2 months and I feel so emotionally drained, but I can't seem to let her go.
Am I going about this all wrong? I've contacted her family to I guess expose the affair (is it still an affair if she was up front with me about it?).

I understand I've been controlling and we were both verbally abusive to one another and that she had become physically abusive towards me, but I am willing to work through our problems and so was she and then she changes her mind and says it's over.

I'm doing everything I can going to the gym more often, keeping busy, not contacting her, etc. At what point does one give up?

Do you have any children?
How old are you?
It IS an affair
Have you read any material on this site?

She is physically abusive? How so?

No children.

I am 30yo, she is 32, and the OM is 33. I've read all the material on the site.

She was physically abusive when we would argue sometimes. She would get so angry and strike me. It didn't hurt as she weighs all of 110lbs but I still felt it inside.

I've recently contacted her family about this whole situation, but they haven't responded. And I'm not sure how to respond to her if and when she contacts me because of this as I'm sure she'll be furious.

you should also expose to people who can influence her behaviour.

Why did you move out!! Get back in the house for legal reasons. If she wants a separation, she needs to move out. Expose the A to OM's family. How did they meet? If it was through work, expose it there. Expose it to family and friends. Don't let her push you around. Stand up for yourself.

You're young, there are no kids involved, and she's an abusive person. Why would you want to continue an M with that woman?

I still love her and don't want to give up so easily on our marriage. At some point I'll know it is over. At the moment I'm trying to move forward and better myself, so that I'll be prepared for any event.

I'm with ManInMotion on this. Her family is going to get her side of the story so I wouldn't expect much help there, especially if you two have a history of fighting.

Don't count on her education to help her see the light; infidelity crosses all boundaries of common sense and intelligence.

You could go through this whole process of Plan A/B, but what would you be saving? It sounds like your wife has already checked out of the marriage. You have no children. You're young. If she does get pregnant with the OP you would be in for an even bigger mess.

Get some counseling to learn how you can be a better spouse, but be prepared to let this relationship go.You love her and it's tough to deal with, but it would probably be best in the long run.

aa..
I agree with MIM and Hiker - sorry to say it but cut the ties. No kids and both relatively young, why put up with that and the recurring images and doubts you may have about her for years? You sound like a good person who deserves better. She deserves the OM and the garden of weeds they are planting.
If the OM is married or has a GF, do expose to her though!

Just my 2 cents.

V/r,
No Way

Yep already exposed as much as I could. I still so emotionally drained.

Either way by email or by phone it is painful, although, I've been getting more and more comfortable with the idea of talking to her by phone. Now all of a sudden she doesn't want to talk to me by phone anymore and just wants me to email her if anything comes up.

Any ways I had a really great session with the therapist that opened my eyes. She asked me if I saw myself getting married again. I said yes and she asked me why? I said b/c I have a lot of love in me and I want to share that with someone special and have a family. So she told me to really picture my son/daughter in this family. When i was ready, she asked me to now imagine my current STBXW as their mother and what kind of mother she would be to them. I actually cringed and felt physically ill.