I found out my husband had been having an affair for over a year. I had been asking him for about a year and he always denied it. About 2 months ago he finally admitted to it. We have been trying to reconcile ever since...but he just can't seem to stay away from her or she can't stay away. He tells me he wants to make things work and he has asked for forgivness but he still cares for her. He says they have developed a friendship and it hard to brake. He tells me he wants it to work and I can see the effort he is putting in but I don't trust him. I found them talking to her again this past weekend. I was so angry I told him I was leaving....he begged me to stay that it wasn't what I thought. Nothing is happending between us...is what he said. I don't want her that way anymore...she needed to talk and I felt like to need to hear her out. I'm trying to get thru this he said...I'll tell her to leave. I just felt that if we talked we could get passed this. He just keeped trying to making me believe that there was nothing wrong with the two of them talking. I have done everything I think I can do. I have prayed I have tried to be understanding and patiecnt I realize that this takes time to get thru I know it will be hard. I really want to believe my husband.....I know they care for each other and thats not easy for me to take in. He says he doesn't want her as a lover anymore but its hard to just stop the friendship they developed. Do I just continue to be this stupid understanding wife. Where do I draw the line. Things are better but are they really? I want her to go away. She looks for him and any chance she gets to talk to him she takes advantage of it. I'm tired of trying to keep up with them. I'm tired.... I feel like I'm losing. Then my husband goes and does something that will make me beleive he truly is trying....its a roller coaster ride I WANT TO GET OFF OF!!!! I'm loosing my mind. We've been married for 12 years and have a beautiful 5 year old little girl that loves her dad. I'm not sure what else to do. and to add to this addiction he's also using meth. So he's not only trying to get rid of her but he's trying to ge off drugs. This is so complicated it almost seems impossible to get thru. I really do love this man and I feel that he love me...but then why does he continue to hurt me. Doesnt he know that letting her go is the only why we can start to rebuild our love and relationship. I have told him this and I even made him tell me...so that I knew he understood. He agreed he needing to stop having contact with her but can he really stop. Is this common do I continue.....Lord please hold me!

Sorry you're here - welcome to the Betrayed Spouses Club.

Is the OW M'd? If so, does her H know about her A?

Does the OM work with your H? If so, has the A been exposed at their office?

Have you exposed the A to anyone else?

Her husband left her after beating the crap out of her and cheating on her for years. My Husband says that he felt sorry for her andgot sucked in byt trying to help her. He also said that using drugs was what they had in common so they sent time doing that and his concern for her grew. My sister in law knows everything she has really help me get thru some really hard days. My husbands crew knows because she goes and throws a fit in front of them.

sorry to hear about everything.
i know what you are going through.. it brings you to the point of insanity, i would demand an ultimatum! and all drugs do is change the way we perceive things. Dual roles in life is not acceptable to me. i've been goin through alot myself, and it feels great to talk about it with outsiders. i exposed everything to our families and to the OMW, and that seemed to make me feel better.
Hope things get better for you