My spouse and I have been married for 8 yrs and he has been having an affair with a woman on his job for the last 5 yrs. She is married and separated herself, has a baby with a man in prison, and apparently has little income, as she depends on my hubby and other males on the job to drive her back and forth to work. My hubby started to develop feelings for this woman, and since discovery of how they've been 'close' for so long, I not only confronted him, but called her as well. She got really nasty with me and says that if I can keep him happy my hubby wouldn't need a friend.

I quickly reminded her she had 2 men of her own she couldn't keep in check, so don't define what happens with me and my hubby. I think it shocked her to know that I knew so much about her situation and how very little she knew of mine, as according to her, my hubby says I'm a ******. She claimed to be really upset with what I told her, and hubby says she called to tell him she cursed me out. He claims they haven't talked about it since, yet he drives her to work everyday(hmm) Now hubby says he is confused and now wants to do counseling as he says he needs to deal with one situation at a time. I think he will purposely 'tank' counseling to be with this other person. I'm just not sure where he is at right now.

I have no idea where my head is at, as I have ups and downs with bouts of depression. On top of that, I'm in counseling for myself for the last 2 months(since the breakup)for this and other personal issues that I believe may have contributed to the breakup.(rape)

I just would like to hear what I can do at this point, will listen to any advice, what direction I should take, anything will be appreciated.

P.S. Hubby says they never had sex, just friends as they cannot be together until either of their home situations are resolved. What do any of you think? HELP!

Well ... 5 years is a long time ... I think he's lying.

What do YOU think?

He's spending family funds on HER? Is this correct?

Is your H still living at home?

Pep

He says they've been friends for 5 years(she was new on the job when they met)2 yrs into the job, she goes out on maternity leave for another 2 yrs, and just recently came back to work(people on the job said it was his baby, he says it's not. I tend to believe, her vm mentioned she takes the tot to see the father in jail, and that hubby should not be jealous of that)

Not sure as she is in desparate financial straits, hubby is the taxi-cab, the ATM, and the handy-man, and now he wants to be the pipe-layer, but another vm from her says they are not together so she doesn't understand why my hubby feels the way he does about not wanting to go out with him on V-day.

He is spending his paycheck which used to be family funds on her, claims it was all loans and she paid him back. We have a huge tax refund coming, which we agreed to split half, but I'm leaning toward not giving up his half, since I think he'll use to spend on her. He moved out 12/15/07 and got an apt close to his job. He has to travel a distance to pick her up and take her to work(2 bridges back and forth, at least 1 1/2 hour round trip to do this EVERYDAY. He spends money on tolls and gas, but claims she pays him, huh!)

He has since asked me to loan him money, saying he has nothing in his apt, he needs this and that, and I told him why can't he ask her to hep him? But I realize she hasn't a pot much less a window-----and yet he wants to be with this? I don't understand.

I personally think he's being used, but he doesn't see it that way. He is the kind of person who likes to go overboard to help 'women in need'when their husbands or lack there of are not around. He doesn't see this as a problem and thinks I shouldn't either. But I do have a problem when my hubby helps other women, and then hides that fact from me....

Just got off the phone with him. he previously claimed there were 2 other women besides this one he was talking to, and now claims these others are a farce and he made them up. So now I know he is dealing with this one woman, which makes me feel even worse..b/c there is a possibility that he really does want her..

either of you ever married before?

no, 1st marriage for both of us. I do have 3 children from a previous relationships(2 from 1 man, 1 from another who died. father still active in their lives, hubby raised younger one as his own, still does for her today, no questions. In fact, Hubby and ex get along great) Hubby and I have no children together, but we share my lil one as he raised her from 2 months old.