Blueline,
Step one, apologize to your W. Do your best to reassure her that you are willing to work through your issues.
Step two, read about no contact letters. Draft one, show it to your W, and have HER send it to the OW.
Step three, read, read, read the articles on this site. I mean the articles that Harley has posted as well as the Q&A section.
Step four, expect ups and downs both within yourself and your W.
Step Five, go out and by several books. I would recommend His Needs Her Needs by Harley and Surviving An Affair as well also by Harley. There are some other very good books, but if you read here, and obtain those books, there will be a commonality and consistentcy that you will need in your approach to rebuilding your marriage.
Finally, find a PRO-marriage counselor and seek counseling for you and your W. It is something YOU should do, with her approval.
When reading, I would recommend that you start with the articles here on: Needs, the policies of radical honesty, and the policy of joint agreement, POJA. Also read Harley's four rules for a good marriage. They are a great guideline to developing a plan to improve your marriage both for you and your W.
You can quit treading water now Blueline. This place offers a very organized, effective way to rebuild your marriage, IF you and your W will take it. It is not magic, it is just common sense stuff laid out in a very organized and practical fashion. It can also be a bit counter intuitive, which is why recoveries aren't a successful as they could be.
So read, read, post and ask questions, and do your best to reassure your W you are serious about rebuilding the marriage not JUST getting through the devastation you brought to her and your family with your affair.
Hope this helps.
God Bless,
JL
