so, i told him when his ex starts accounting for what SHE buys with HIS money.. then i will account for what I buy for MY children...
This has nothing to do with your situation, and I would drop it when discussing this with your husband.
he wants to control me... how in the world do i make him see the REAL situation.... ????
I think there is some of this control going
both ways. Because -
i set up a budget for us yesterday to open a joint account...
This is not going to work. You have to set up a budget
together, not you telling him what will happen. Especially you are not going to be able to say that some part of your income doesn't get counted and all of his does.
You set up a budget by deciding how much you have to spend each month, and how much you receive as income each month. If you can't count on child support every month, then it doesn't get included. You WILL have to account for the $150 a week for your husband's son.
But you sit down with a pay stub for the previous month for you and your husband. Add the two net totals together. That is your monthly income. Then you decide that you need to spend so much on food, so much on the rent or the mortgage, 10% to save, 10% to donate to charity or the church, so much on clothes, $600 a month for child support, etc. If your husband wants to give you gifts or diamonds, fine, but that has to be accounted for in the budget too.
Add up the total you received in child support for the previous year. Divide that by 12, and you have the average to expect from that source. If you want to put it into a separate bucket and spend it on children's clothes or whatever, that is fine too, but it needs to be included in your budgeting.
Do the same with the rest of your bills. If you budget $100 a week on food, and spend $110 this week, fine, but then you will need to spend $90 next week. If you say "we buy the kid's clothes from the child support money", fine, but then you have to wait until the child support money gets built up far enough that you can afford to buy the new jeans or whatever.
This is Budgeting 101 for Couples, and I was astonished when I was first married that everyone didn't do that as a matter of course.
They say that most marital fights are about money, sex, children and in-laws. My experience is that this is quite true, and therefore it behooves you to set up a plan to deal with money issues right from the start. And NOT by telling your husband how things are going to be. That's a Disrepectful Judgement, which is a big no-no by MB standards.
well, i have been on my own for 11 years
But you aren't any more. Now you are a couple, and need to figure out how you will spend your money
as a couple.
If you see what I am saying. You are not 100% right and your husband 100% wrong here. Nor is it the other way around. You need to find a solution that you both can agree is worthwhile.
Regards,
rs0522