Further to Pep as well on being wanted -

You have voiced your disapproval, now shock him and confuse him with -

"Well, if you really think it will help you then I won't put up a fight, but next weekend I want to go to a hotel and relax without the baby so you need to stay home with the baby while I go get a room next weekend. If we can afford to send you to the hotel, then I guess we can afford to send me as well"

Not in a mean or angry way.

And then you keep your cool all weekend and not mention it again when he comes home except maybe, "did it help"

Then next weekend you go, and not a peep from you all weekend except brief phone calls to check on the baby.

a chance for you to be missed and a bit mysterious next weekend.

In other words, find a way to turn it around to your advantage.

If/when he does go very calmly hand him a Bible and tell him "maybe this will help you with clearing your head."


Just an idea that is not a LB.

he wants to stay in the hotel friday and saturday night. he says he needs "time to himself"

and even though i know what could happen, the sad fact is, i do believe he is being sincere. i am such an idiot.

The next time he says why don't you just trust him, you can reply, "I will consider trusting you when you show me with your actions that you can be trusted."

Forgiving1:

I will just respond to this when you were asked to call OWH:





We know what her plan is. She is going to "Visit" and help clear his head. Whichever one that is.

You know this. WH knows, that's the plan.

Let him go. As Pep recommends.

Because you can't stop him. I do not know the rest of your story, maybe your WH just wants the drama and the fight to feel inportant.

Don't give that to him.

You only need to ask for info so that he can be contacted in an emergency.

You reserve the right to leave at any time as well, to "clear" your head.

You reserve the right to use the emergency instructions to drop off DD so that you can go "clear" your head as well. Although, you do not need to tell him of this right.

And that is not to "put your daughter in the middle of it" Your WH is already doing that.



When he removes his rectal-cranium inversion, the world will get alot clearer.

so i guess he's doing it.
he asked where was "acceptable" to stay and i told him the town just north of ours.
he said "is that so you can spy on me?"
i said "what good would that do?"

i'll keep yall updated.

A little background - please correct me if I an wrong.

Forgive's H works with OW at a tax place and said he would put his 2 weeks in on or about 4-3-07. Can't change jobs right now b/c it is tax time. Her H "says" the A is over, but they do see each other at work. Her H says that he just doesn't feel love for Forgive anymore and doesn't know if he ever will.

Now this crap.....

you're right M2L

thanks for giving everyone a synopsis

oh, and he has recently told me his "not feeling love for me" has nothing to do with OW or the A

Like supercells have nothing to do with tornadoes.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

exactly neak!

sometimes i don't even know why i'm trying

Because his chances of a successful recto-craniotomy are excellent, that's why. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

{{{{FO}}}}

It is time to buck up and get a GPS device or a PI. You can't keep him from staying away, but you want to certainly know what he is doing, and catch him if he is doing anything wrong. Trust me, if you walk up to the hotel room with you dad, brother, OWH, etc., right after the OW walks into the hotel room, it will strike a big blow to the A.

You can also tell him if he wants to stay away, that he should take all his stuff with him and not expect to come back.

Sadly, this crap can only be expected as long as the two infidels still work together. It never ended to begin with if they were still seeing each other every day.

I just wonder - if OW has already moved out, are you sure that "a hotel" really means "a hotel"? Are you sure it doesn't mean her place?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. He obviously has no respect whatsoever for your boundaries. How much respect do *you* have for your boundaries?
Mulan

I would turn this around to my advantage. I would find a way to use this to recreate attaction, to show my most attractive self.

Clean the house, work out, take the baby out for walks, listen to great music and do not let it turn into a weekend where he goes to the hotel and you sit home crying and pining.

And then next weekend you get to go, and let hinm sit home with baby.

Make sure he knows that if he can spend the money for a hotel so can you. If he can leave you to care for baby alone, so can you.

It is important to maintain your control in ways which you really have control.

You are not in Plan B, and since he still works with her you are not in recovery...so you must be in Plan A, right?

Turn it around to where he ends up thinking of you and not her. Help him out of his confusion. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

already called a PI. would be $1200. i have it, but that's most of our savings.
i'm still considering it though.

at this point, if the PA is continuing or starts back up, it's game over. no 3rd chance

FO, it's up to you entirely whether you keep trying or not. But honestly, you haven't yet had a real shot at recovery.

There was NO chance whatsoever of him doing what needed to be done for recovery, while he is still working with the OW, and in C with her.

Again, no one will blame you if you don't want to take this further, but this is not 3 strikes you're out - he never even joined the team yet.

No NC = No Recovery

Automatic. Guaranteed.

Look HERE **** <~~~ GPS info (cheaper than a PI)

I totally agree. You have never even started recovery. Maybe that's a reason not to give up, if you are so inclined - and as Neak said, nobody would blame you if you aren't.
Mulan

GPS would be an excellent route to go, then I would have flowers delivered to the room. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Nothing spells "downer" more quickly than someone knocking on your door with a bouquet from an inconvenient wife. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

"To my husband,
I care about you.
Let me know if there is anything
I can do to help you think.
From Mrs. FO"

Whether this way or another, you can make this uncomfortable for him without lovebusting, if you want to.

... which is why you need to take some steps

protect yourself from financial disaster (H may decide to spend $$$ wildly)

get PROOF the A is ongoing
(spy/GPS/call OW's H/put a voice-activated recorder in his car)

IF H does go away for the weekend ... I highly recommend that you buy yourself a bunch of flowers, put them in a vase, clean up the house ... then take off ... and stay gone for a few days after H returns ... do not answer your phone, do not tell him where you've gone ... leave a simple note:

"I decided to take a little vacation. The baby & I are both fine. no need to worry. Food in the freezer. I'll be back when I feel rested and serene. Love you."

then just ~~~~~~~~~> go

leave HIM home wondering where you are

Pep