To those in recovery or that have recovered, how would you describe it and what does it feel like?

I have seen a few posts recently about it and I was just wondering what all you people think.

Mine personally is very boring nothing earthshaking. Just day to day stuff that seems to get worked out better. Little changes here and there but nothing that would really denote a bad M that led to an A.

Just curious please chime in.

Little changes here and there...

That is what Recovery has been like for us - very hard work and small changes.

An A doesn't simply spring from nowhere. Behaviors that led to an A are not learned overnight and they aren't undone overnight. Healing is not done overnight.

For me, the point of Recovery is not simply for your M to stay together. It is to build something that is better and stronger than before the A.

If both partners are committed, they can get there. It takes hard work and A LOT of education.

I shudder to think of the people who are attempting to Recover without MB concepts.

I wanted to think this one over and not give a knee jerk reaction that just would not convey the true feeling.

I was in Plan A for 7 months and nothing seemed to get thru to my wife. Then one day she just cracked. She spent the whole day talking about what she had done and how wrong it was. That lead to her crying and telling me how she felt the OM just used her and so on.

From that day forward I felt the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I notice the little things again. I look out the window and see everything so clearly now. I can taste food again – each dish holds it’s own flavors and food is no longer just something to keep me alive. I used to see other people out and about and I wished I had their seemingly unfettered life. I no longer wish to have their lives, but to be in my life again.

Most of all recovery to me started the moment I saw my wife’s beautiful eyes looking back at me again after so very long.


** Please take note that my wife had told me that we were over and done forever. Today that is not true so don’t always listen to the SW fog babble**

Frog - Mine too and I'm thankful for that. I think we also don't let things fester, where before and during the A, they may have. I find my FWW is kinder towards me too. I still struggle w/ the past but am happy we're still together.

Best wishes,
No Way

What is recovery? Recovery is a process. It is not an event – an epiphany.

Over a period of time, you learn new skills on how to make your marriage better and you practice those skills until they become a change in behavior. Some of those skills are the things included on this website such as radical honesty, the policy of joint agreement, the policy of undivided attention.

You learn that love is a verb. You eliminate lovebusters and improve the way you relate to one another.

You learn what each other’s most important emotional needs are and you fill them. Perhaps at first it is an effort. Then you find you transition to where you do it as an act of love…because your spouse’s happiness matters to you. As each of you fills more of the other’s ENs, the cycle of love is enhanced and increased.

In the early stages, you still have triggers. You still have doubts. You will from time to time have unmet needs. But if you interact with one another in a respectful, HONEST, and caring fashion, this will pass.

For us, Recovery has been a VERY SLOW PROCESS..still ongoing after more than 3 years...working slowly but surely on our marriage...

Also, we've found it CRUCIAL to follow the FOUR RULES..

I think that accounts for our success so far...

We DID NOT FOLLOW THE RULES IN OUR 25 plus years of marriage prior to the A....

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html

M2L that was almost exactly like ours. One night after MC and I was committed to a D my FWW cracked.

I can pinpoint that as the start of recovery. So one common thread seems to be a truly remorseful and repentent spouse.

The reason for the post if for eveyone to share the same boring ho hum stories. I have read some posts lately and it seems like people do think recovery is an event or an epiphiny.

I also want to stress for my in the recovery of my M I am also improving myself and the way I do things in my M.

My story would be close to the same as M2L's. Six months of "recovery," but nothing was really happening. Just more trying to plan A. The FWH kind of cracked, and things started to turn around.

Now recovery feels better, but sometimes still slow. We're learning things about each other, about ourselves. It's kind of like, 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. But at least we're gaining some momentum. And that's a good thing.

reading yall's stories is a little depressing. makes me wonder if it's really worth it. is it?

just putting my thoughts out there.

Forgive,

I don't think it is depressing. It is just not exciting.

Is it worth it. I will be honest the length or our R and our two kids make it worth it!!

If we were in a shorter term R with no kids. Then I would say NO it wasn't.

However factor into it my two kids and I see you have one then yes it is/was.

I mean I want my two son's to grow up in a two parent home.

So there you go. At least for me.

For me recovery has been these things:
Good times that are better than any I can remember in a long long time.
Down times when I struggle with triggers and memories of painful things that have happened and have to remind myself how far we've come.
Learning how to handle certain situations, we struggle when one or the other of us gets upset.
Doing things together, cooking, cleaning, playing games, doing puzzles, going on dates, bowling, etc.
My wife saying "I miss you" instead of "I need *me* time"
My wife saying "you are my treasure and I'm going to protect you"
My wife actually getting out of the car and walking around to hug me when she picked me up for lunch yesterday.
My wife greeting me at the door each night when I get home with a huge hug and kiss and urging me to hurry home when I call.

The day after we spent a night apart and we were at rock-bottom, I was walking my kids home from school and another little girl said "I have two mommies and 3 daddies"... It pretty much broke my heart to hear that. I'm sticking with recovery.