That helps. I'm not walking out, so the secondary pain is not going to happen. NO WAY.

Remember, most wives don't do this. I put myself in bad situations constantly thinking my "resistance" was rock solid because of my faith and love for my husband. I WAS FOOLISH IN SO MANY WAYS.

Trust women again is what I'm saying. Just make sure that they are stable and know the risks of bad communication and opening up to anyone other than their H --- even a little.

One of the biggest things that we have learned is that I need to trust God more. (Unbelievable since I'm a Preacher's Kid -- more baggage that you want to hear.) But, I do know I hurt God as much as I did my H. It's wierd in a way...but I know it. He forgave me too and the bonus is, he can forget and have faith in me to be a better person.

Today church was excellent. We stood and had prayer for healing together. I'm trusting my big God, that when it says he heals brokenhearts that he means my H and I too.

thanks again,
lilmom

lilmom,

I'm glad to hear you sounding positive!

I thought it was amazing that your H said you haven't lost anything, you just have to heal...

that's somewhat of a breakthrough, no?

I liked what you said about God forgiving you and having faith that you can be a better person, I needed to hear that too. I think any truly remorseful FWW wrestles with shame so much, we're so ashamed and we don't even feel justified in even expressing it ('cause we're the "bad" guy). That's something that needs to be dealt with too for a real recovery.

Keep us updated. I hope this week brings good things!

Mom

We talked a lot last night. The rape/death example has made a profound effect on me. I now feel like I know what I did to my husband and why he kept telling me that I didn't understand.

But, I'm going to have to put a time limit to how long our talks can go on. I'm figuring no longer than 20 minutes at a time -- it's all I can take without it throughing me in a panic attack. I know I need to let him express his feelings, but after 18 months I think some boundaries are necessary.

I talked to him about what he's been given and he said he knows he has my love and our kids, but he's not too sure about what to do with me. It sounds like trust right? I'm getting ready to start working from home, so he'll have even more access to my life and I don't mind that i just don't know what more I can do. I figure it just takes time.

I wish someone would tell me how to help him move past the questioning. I talked to him about counseling again and he's still not to interested. I talked to him about the Harley's and he didn't shut me down. And, then I mentioned about how much insight I was getting from other's letters and thoughts on this site and he sounded interested. He's not computer comfortable at all, so I still don't know if he will come here for help.

Do you talk to any BH that are through recovery that you think would be good for him? He is especially into fishing so anyone with those interests would be great. It might be a draw to get him on line.

As for the shame, it is unbareable some days. My BH told everyone in our small community and even after 18 months I still have women that won't talk to me and snub me on the street. I don't know how to handle it. It hurts, but they were never friends anyway and I figure they have been B at some point from someone. We all have our wounds. I just go on -- sometimes you just have to stand.

I do feel a lot of healing through prayer, I hope you are finding peace there also.

Thanks for writing back Mom. I check this all the time for my "angel advice."

Thanks for being one.

lilmom

OnLine MB Angels: Desdemonna is in the same boat. Please help with more "angel advice."

BTW we put our house up for sale and are going to try to move and start with some more positive memories. Has anyone ever found this beneficial or are we just asking for more stress?

lilmom

*bump*

Thanks for bumping this for me (and others) Lilmom. I hope things are going better for you. I have to go to work and can't write much now, but I'll read and check in later.

Email me if you want. (See profile)

Ace