Agree with Mulan 100%.

If you can sit in the other room do so.

This is one of those opportunities that you have to choose to NOT set yourself up by being unavailable and untouchable.

Once he is in there syaing whatever, implying whatever..which you must understand you can not defend yourself against by being there...you put yourself in a vulnerable position.

So I say choose not.

Great post Mulan.

Yep. Stay in the conference room.

The triggering part of it will make you feel like you need to stand up to him and show him how strong you are, etc. But the Plan B thing to do is to remove all the emotion from it by staying away from him.

Dark dark dark.

Agreed - stay out of the drama. Your lawyer will see to it that your interests are represented.

Prayers and hugs.

LK agreed as well. I will walk to the building and up the elevator and into the conference room with grace and dignity. And do the same when I leave. I can quiver like a scared rabbit behind the closed doors of the conference room.

I'll check in as soon as I get a chance.

So many people have been good to me today that I know I can do this. Everyone is backing me up, God working in His way...real hands and real voices to support me through the dark tunnel. Letting me know that He has my back (and head and heart and mind and body).

I'll be okay.

Sis, it sounds like most believe that a good strong Plan B on this one is good for you and for the effect it will have on WH. He will HATE that he didn't see you, and he will talk about it and talk about it to RT, not really making any deposits in her love bank...

I agree too. Let it rain on his parade.

okay?
you'll be great.

i think staying out of his sight is the best thing.

weirdest thing....my H worked w/ a woman who drove him crazy by being elusive.
he would come home and complain about her TO ME!
let me tell you....it drained MY love bank terribly...just like WH will drain RT's.....not that that is your objective here......just keep yourself away from him and his drama and intimidation.

you are in my thoughts and prayers. peace.

Sharing the verse with you that I am keeping in my head these two days:

Isaiah 41:10 -
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

thoughts and prayers from me as well

LS:

Sorry I wasn't able to post before you went to the court.

May the snake slither out of your WH's body and allow the real H to return.


((((LS))))

LG

Thanks for the visual LG. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wonder how it went/is going?

... drumming fingers on my desk waiting to hear

Okay. Went well, I guess. I only saw WH from a distance. My friend B sort of blocked the view and WH kept a safe distance waaaay down the hall.

I guess this is what happened. My A came in with a list of demands. His A came in with a list of demands. They weren't the same, so nothing more happens until we have to go before the court again on August 2.

Which means I'm covered under his insurance, he pays the house payment, and most important, RT is kept away from the kids until that time.

WH asked for exclusive rights to his pension and retirement in exchange for the house...I'd get it free and clear. He's got a killer pension (union state) and we socked tons into retirement because he was always bound and determined to be sitting pretty when he retired at 53.

My A assured me beyond all doubt that the court would never, ever require me to sell or refinance the house as long as I have minor children. So to me, that means that the house issue is not really a great bargaining chip as it will likely be paid off by the time DS8 graduates. I'd rather pay him the current equity in 10 years than give up all my rights to retirement...I only have a couple of paltry accounts, because we always socked $ into his.

WH also claimed that I have the ability to work full time...intel that he only could have gotten from....wait for it....MIL. The only impact of that anyway will be in factoring CS...it would have come out eventually. Except I don't want to be full time...I want to work 30 hours. I can't swing working 40 with the transportation issues that I have for the kid's school. Oh well...that's for later, I guess.

WH also asked for the boys six weeks in the summer?!?!? ...but I need to be "flexible" due to his work schedule. He does not want to pay spousal support (alimony). He wants a "portion of the photographs, Christmas ornaments, tools, and yard equipment." He wants the mini-van (TAKE IT!) and the Suburban in exchange for the Vibe.

My A asked for spousal support and disporportionate assets due to WH's "long term infidelity." He asked for WH to pay part of the attorney fees. He noted that I will have to secure medical insurance on the open market (not true if I go full time; now I am 80% covered)

That's about it....

Thank God it's over. Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes. Now I can breathe. I am so thankful that B was with me. She was very calm and asked good questions while I'm shaking like a leaf.

I have been reading your story and want to tell you that I was thinking about you during this. Your story is amazing.

Have a wine ... or 2

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> delay as long as possible

take the limit of legally allowable footdragging <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wooohooo! Your attorney rocks girlfriend. Betcha WH loved that one... I LOVE it.

I'm glad it's over too and delayed. Just that much longer to give things a chance to turn around. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there for part of his retirement LilSis. Remember chances are excellent that the decision won't go to the court, but will be agreed upon by the attorneys.

Now you can breathe a sigh of relief until August.

Go for his retirement ... the cost of divorce/adultery needs to be alarmingly high for him

Absolutely! 1/2 of that money is yours if you're in a community property state, just as 1/2 the house is his. But with your attorney fighting for a disproportionate share due to fault, I think you have a very good chance. I think I'd even mention bringing RT in as a third party for alienation of affection. Even if you don't do it, talk about trouble in affairland.