[quote]Thank goodness Somebody remembered their names! It was driving me crazy!

OMG!! I am Jill/Farrah?? Ok, I will take that 'for the team', as long as we make it clear that it is the 70's/early 80's Farrah!

I will have to bleach my hair and get those feathered bangs on my next appt!



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well, if you are Farrah, Bugs.... i guess i will have to be her little sister Kris (Cheryl Ladd) the 4th angel.......if i remember the character corectly, everybody was a bit protective of kris and she was always trying to prove herself!
very ME!


in real life i am a little little sister too, LS.

Sis, just a quick drive-by to let you know AJ saw your note. We have been gone and/or working very hard yesterday and the day before. Day before was another load of styrofoam cups/plates/take out containers/etc. all to be unloaded by hand. I thought I was only meeting AJ for lunch, and not going along to help, so I wore sandals with heels on them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> And clomped my way through unloading each and every box by hand. You wouldn't think it, but styrofoam gets heavy after a while.

Anyhoo, he's leaving shortly for SLC, but I can probably take dictation while he drives. At any rate, you're not forgotten.

Okay. Talked to DH last night about you and what you asked. I gave him a little background on your situation and asked him if I had “gone dark” for as long as you, with the awesome Plan A you did beforehand, would he have been receptive to a gentle nudge from me at that point.

He said, you know PM, we never experienced that because we were always in contact right up until I came home. He said I really don’t know what to tell her about the nudge, but do tell her this:

1. Her husband still has love for her. That doesn’t go away even if he tries to force it. She is not forgotten by any means. He can’t forget her. Every time he looks at those kids he’ll think of her. Her kids will also say innocent things to him that will pierce his heart. “Out of the mouths of babes.”

2. (After asking me if you were a believer, he said) It sounds to me as if her husband is under a “spell” or “trance.” This is how I describe what was going on with me. It was like I was in a dream world. There is a spirit of Jezebel on the earth and I believe that this “spirit” can grab hold of people causing them to do immoral things that they would never dream of doing before. This OW probably has that hold on Sis’ husband and was able to seduce him because of it. That’s why we as husbands and wives have to guard our hearts every day.

3. Sis needs to lift her husband up to her children and to others. She needs to lift him up to God in prayer. I think she specifically needs to pray, “Lord, if you want me and husband together, then you’re going to have to do it.” Then she needs to let go and let God.

I told him about your “letting if fly” with God and that you have done all of these things. That you have grown so much in your faith and your life. So although my DH probably didn’t say anything you didn’t know, this was his take on things. And if I know him, you and your family will be a topic of discussion between him and the Lord today.

(((Sis)))

Thank you, PM and DH! You are wonderful!

Under a spell, in a dreamworld…it’s interesting that he’d put it that way. Yes, I do believe it is an evil force; to hear that he thinks so as well…having BEEN in that place…is really enlightening.

And his suggested prayer, “Lord, it’s up to you” is pretty much what God was telling me yesterday. He’s doing His thing; I need to give it a rest. This entire experience is teaching a LOT of people a LOT of things…it is touching all of our family and friends and co-workers in so many different ways and at different levels and at different times. God reminded me that it is not just about me…that He is using this to change other people as well, so I just need to let Him do that, let Him do His job.

That sort of appeals to me, you know? If this experience, that is so painful to me, can benefit someone else then it makes it somehow a little more tolerable. Unfortunately, right now all I see is all the pain that it is causing for us all…I guess it will take time and distance to see the “benefits.” (I mean the really BIG, life-long benefits, like finding a fuller, richer happiness for me, or an improved relationship between Uncle P and his wife, or greater empathy and sensitivity on the part of the boys…)

In terms of WH still having love for me…that one’s harder to imagine from where I am right now. The two of you were in contact, so there was clearly some thread, some tie, connecting you. With WH and I, there’s nothing. Hating me seems a little closer to the truth. But you know what? I’ll really think about it and consider the possibility! Thank him for me, would you?

Sis, your WH does NOT hate you. Nuff said, okay?

Now, I just wanted to let princessmeggy know that her husbands responses to your queries got me a little choked up.

Sis, I don't know if you remember, but I used to talk about the thin fiber, the thread, that held me and PWC together, even while in Plan B, and that I knew it was frayed, and that we were unraveling. Now that I have a small amount of insight into what PWC was thinking (we haven't really talked on it much, but I'm sure we will, as I'm ever so curious), I think he was fighting that 'fray' on his end, also. I think he questioned what he was doing regularly, as in "what the h3ll am I doing?"

Neither one of us (me/PWC) is very religious, but I agree with letting go and letting god ( I believe). AS I said, life continues around us, with the affects of it's rigors showing on everyone, EVERYONE. Your WH is not immune. No way!

Now, no more talk about that, cause then you're not letting go, you're still FOCUSED on WH.

I think it is just fine to think that, for now, your children are your life and light. AS they grow older, and you, stronger, you will find another type of life. In the end, I think our children are the continuation of us, so it's stands to reason that they would be a central focus of our lives.

This caught my eye and I agree with you 100%:


I can barely keep up on all these threads, but you hit the nail on the head...


Blessings, IHC

I certainly will. Glad to help.

Okay, someone, please help me laugh. I'm almost there all on my own, but I still have to swallow hard.

An hugely thick cream-colored envelope was in my mailbox when I arrived home. Those darn cream-colored envelopes are from my attorney.

This one, thankfully, didn't have anything particularly surprising in it. It was a cc of a letter that WH's attorney had submitted to my attorney about the arrearages. FOC has WH listed as in arrears because of the lag time between the time that I filed for support and when the state started collecting it. Prior to FOC taking over, WH was depositing $ into our joint account. WH wants me to stipulate to that to get him out of the hole.

I have done NOTHING about this since I got notice from FOC that WH was disputing it. Although my sister and I did go through it and figured out a response, I never filed anything. There were no instructions with the notice from FOC, and I don't feel compelled to help WH out of his little dilemma.

So anyway, I'm kind of chuckling because just having his attorney draft the stupid letter, attach all the documents, prepare the paper they want me to sign and have notarized, and stick the whole mess in in the mailbox probably cost WH $500.

The second thing that I'm chuckling about is this statement about halfway through the letter from WH's attorney:
The FOC is now claiming an arrearage from Mr. WH for that time frame and is reporting it to Credit Bureaus and trying to attach tax returns. As you might expect, this has greatly annoyed Mr. WH."

BWAAAHAAAAA!!!

WH is ANNOYED?!?! Oh sorry...not just annoyed but GREATLY ANNOYED?!? Well, mercy me! We can't have THAT, now, can we?

The letter also references the "agreement" that WH and I had that we would take this out of FOC's hands. Not on your life.

And the last sentence: "Finally, please let me know what is occurring with the appraisal of the parties' property. I need to get this done so we can move in this matter."

Do you think that means that WH is getting antsy about getting the deal final?? Do you suppose he's on the attorney to get it done??

(I know this isn't focusing on me, but these are the thoughts that are spinning. I haven't had the appraisal done, BTW.)

Another possibility....I held on to the city income tax forms for a looong time, and just sent them in a couple/three weeks ago. I wonder if WH got some kind of notice...because the above statement mentions "attaching tax returns???" What the heck does that mean?

But if a notice came...it would have come to the house...????

I don't know. I just hate those stupid envelopes.

But "annoyed." That's good for a chuckle, I guess.

That means that when he gets ready to file his income taxes next year that his account will be flagged and any refund he has coming will "attach" and go towards his child support. I imagine that'd make him move from "greatly annoyed" to "foot-stomping, slamming doors, red-faced annoyed." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

BLAHAHHAAAAA! I love it!

thank YOU for the laugh today!

Talk about gentle nudges...

BWAAAHAAAAA!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Seriously though... think about the timing Sis.

What? What about the timing??!!??? Is there something significant??

OHH....I freaked when I read your post...now I get it....God working.

I was thinking legalese there....

Why did you get this TODAY? Could this just be God's way of reminding you that He's heard you and he's got your back? He's taking care of thing EVEN IF it causes WH to sweat a little?

YEP! Gotcha. I'm sending God a little thumb's up right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LilSis:

About this:

FOC is now claiming an arrearage from Mr. WH for that time frame and is reporting it to Credit Bureaus and trying to attach tax returns.

CS/FOC payments if in arrears, can attach to tax refunds. So that if WH doesn't pay you in the future, FOC reports it to the taxing authorities (IRS, State, local) and they can nab a refund and forward it to you.

Does it have ANYTHING to do with you filing the city tax returns a little later? NO.

And why do you have to have an appraisal done? Let WH do it. Then you can accept his number, or reject it, and get your own. Time delay all over that one. The only thing you are required to do, is allow them access to the house.....

And why do you have to stipulate that the CS for the period before the filing? Isn't it still just to *Help him out* that you are doing this?

Also, why agree to the amount? Let the FOC folks do something bad to him. Who cares. It was *Nice* of him to make those payments. But he decided to leave the family, and to look like the *good GUY* he paid something that looked like support *BUT* was not required. So, now FOC wants him to fund the difference. Make FOC do it. Then you can make an allowance for it later in the final settlement. Whenever it comes to that.

Are you being *fair*? Maybe not, but he certainly isn't.

LG

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Greatly annoyed? Awww, poor Mr. WH. You just gave ME a chuckle (borderline BIG GUFFAW!) That's too funny that his lawyer put that in a letter. Like you are all supposed to jump on this because WH is greatly annoyed. Guess he's been stirred out of his passivity a little bit, huh?

That's one thing that I'm looking forward to next week for my final D date. WH will be slapped upside the head with his CS arrearage. Really messes up he and Bab's plans to buy a house. Idiots, plain idiots. All of them still blaming us and getting annoyed at what WE have or have not done. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Have you ever seen Legends of the Fall with Brad Pitt? Where the old man is paralyzed and out of the side of his mouth says "screw 'em"? Well, "screw 'em", LilSis.

They'll be lying in their beds of roses, with more thorns than petals when all of this is said and done.

"Greatly annoyed" hahahahaa <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ahhhh...you guys are good. Knowing you all are laughing makes me feel better!

To LG, our resident tax expert slash UPS guy:
The appraiser was one recommended by my attorney, and I think the attorneys agreed that an appraisal was needed? They did say the cost will be split. The appraiser that my attorney picked called a couple of times, I wasn't available, and I've never called back. I'm in no hurry.

My assumption was an appraiser picked by my attorney might be more willing to low-ball. ?? I've been delaying that one...I'm in no rush...and I am busy...yada yada

I haven't done ANYTHING, this is what he WANTS me to do. It's a load of crap, frankly. For one thing, CS should be figured back to the day HE filed, not the day that the support order was filed, so i don't know what's up with that.

Further, he left in July, and was paying me $300 less per month than the CS amount, but I can't go back and ask for that because no one had filed.

Thing was, I wasn't working in the summer, and I burned through ALL of the "savings" that WH so generously let me have just to keep food on the table and the lights on. So on principle, I think I'm due something there...

ALSO....yes, he was paying into our joint account, but out of that same joint account came our car insurance and life insurance payments. The car insurance was something like $270/mo, and the life insurance something like $50/mo. I was only driving the Vibe...he had the other two vehicles in his possession.

He's also claiming that the $550 some odd check (remember this one??) that was stuck on my fridge for the longest time...should be considered CS....even though we verbally agreed it was for the tires...on a vehicle that is still titled to him. I wasn't going to get the tires, and he ended up picking out the most expensive ones they had.

Anyway...my sister and I went through all of this and figured it out...but it was more just to have an idea of what the bottom line was, so i didn't have this unknown hanging over my head. So it was a good thing, because I would have really freaked today if we hadn't done that.

I'll do what I always do when I get one of those darn envelopes. Ignore it. I figure if it's important, my attorney will call.

One of my girlfriends asked for and got a nifty LIFE INSURANCE policy on her XH in their divorce settlement ....

I know you're going for your half of the "golden" police retirement account ... any thought to a life insurance policy too? Have HIM make the payments for the first 5 years or something <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Or, if there is a police union life insurance policy that comes automatically, put it in your settlement that YOU and only YOU are the beneficiary.

What'cha'think ?

Lilsis:

Please note over on Bugs Thread about her mediator meeting:




Yes, they expect you to lowball, and WH to highball.

That's WHY you make them move first. FOR THEM to get it. They have to schedule it. THEY have to PAY for it. WH HAS to do the work. All YOU have to do is allow them reasonable access to the house. And that time may not happen until you are at Cape Cod.

But I guess your next court meeting is before that.

So when your Lawyer calls, answer like that. It's perverse, and go with the advice your lawyer gives you. You do not want to appear that you are playing with the court's time.

It's a PIA finding out the value of property in MI.

LG