well, WH has decided to stay at a friends apartment instead. the friend may or may not be staying there with him, depending on what my WH wants him to do. i have confirmed with this friend that WH will be staying there.
i packed in WH's suitcase a picture of our DD, and some cards and letters from when we were dating and married. he also brought his copy of "unfaithful" to read.

i'm ok with this, even though i don't really like it. i know if he wants to see OW he will, whether it be this weekend or one day after work, during work or whenever.

the weird thing is this. ever since d-day #2 i haven't really felt much for him. it's like "i love him, but i'm not in love with him". i almost don't care whether he sees OW or not. of course, i do care. i guess it's a defense mechanism to protect myself from a possible d-day #3.

does this mean anything? has anyone else felt this way?
i think, if he starts meeting my ENs, my love would return, but i don't know for sure.

i'm still just so confused. part of me wonders if i should get out now and maybe it would be less painful.

i won't make any decisions right now though. unless of course he sees OW. that's a boundary i set. i will not see a d-day #4. 3 is it. house is for sale, calling a lawyer.

anyway, i'm just rambling i guess.
any thoughts?

Does this mean you will be watching the friends aprt?

Don't make baoundaries that he can walk all over and then you ignore it. You will start to lose your own self respect.

his affair is on-going

let's be honest

not going to watch the apt. i know he will confess eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later, if something happens
but yes, i am firm on my boundary.

i'll probably be eating my words on monday, but i think he is sincere about his reasons for wanting time apart. i know it sounds really really bad, but just talking to him, he seems so hopeful that this weekend will help him "see the light" as he put it.

we will see, but either way, i am at a point where i will be ok no matter the outcome. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

While in Plan A, expect that he will have contact with his affair partner. It is a given.

Everything you are doing/thinking is completely reactionary.

You need to be working your plan, and planning that he will have contact with her.

This is all scripted forgivingone. Don't base what you do/think on what he does. This is the equivalent of having no plan at all, and it will not recover your marriage.

Weaver,

Her WH still works with OW. They do see each other at work maybe more??????

I agree - set a plan and stick to it.

FO,

I just came across this thread and your previous one.

I am so sorry. I was hoping that he could hold on and stand by his resignation date until NC was accomplished.

Everything Weaver, Pep, M2Late, etc. has said is right on.

Yes, it's still ongoing. Yes, they're planning to hookup this weekend.

And yes, you haven't had a real shot at recovery because of the lack of NC, which you really have known all along (we've all been telling you).

So...

I think you need to know for sure what happens this weekend, not wait around for a confession. You can't make an appropriate decision without knowing all the facts. What if they hook up but he comes home and denies it. You'll still be in limbo, not knowing for sure, always wondering. Enlist a friend, relative, PI, or do it your own darnedself, but find out.

Find out what's really going on. Then decide what to do (D or attempt recovery)...one step at a time.

I'm so sorry...I will be thinking about you this weekend.

Mom

FO, when my H and I were about 9 months into recovery I suggested to my H that we part for a month while I "thought about things." The intention of the FWS is to do this but as JL pointed out to me (I was on MB by this time), the temptation to make contact with the OP would be too great and he gave him a "JL special" 2x4 which thanfully I listened to.

I'm sure Dr Harley mentions this somewhere in the main site. He says it's almost a given that the temptation to meet up with the OP will be too strong, even if the initial plan is really to "think about things."

FWIW, as an FWS I can say that I did want some time to see if I could get the feelings back which is why I suggested a separation. I thought if I did my own "Plan B" I would miss my H too much and everything would be clear to me.

Your sitch is slightly different though. I was in very definite NC with the OM at that time, your H very definitely isn't.

fo, please be assured that the purpose of moving out to "get space" is to carry on his affair with the OW unimpeded. This is always the case. Even Dr. Harley has stated on air that only ONE TIME in 35 years of counseling has he seen it otherwise. So, rest assured that the affair is in full swing and work on your acceptance of that truth.

I would suggest that you prepare yourself to go into Plan B and get your ducks in a row.

Never mind.

FO,

Checking in to see how you are and what happened lastnight.

fo... are you ok???

i'm fine today.
don't know what happened with him last night. he says nothing, but of course that's what he's gonna say.

i didn't really miss him last night and i've come to the conclusion that if he did see her, or has been with her since d-day 2 that is it. not saying there is no chance, but i will not be the one doing the work.

he and i are supposed to meet for lunch tomorrow and he'll decide whether or not he wants to come home.

i will update yall when i know something

thanks for everything, and for the "tough love"