Here are some positives that have come out of this whole dreadful experience for me:

1. H and I sleep in the same bed again. Prior to d-day we slept in different beds due to his snoring, his odd work shift, and our toddler waking up during the night and sharing our bed. These were my reasons for the separate beds. His reasons, of course, had to do with the A that I was unaware of... Sharing the same bed has made us feel like a couple again, instead of just roommates.

2. We talk much more openly now and do not use 'avoidance' as a conversation technique. In the past, when things got tough we both went our separate ways. Now we talk until neither one of us has anything left to say <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

3. I pay more attention to my appearance now. This may sound silly, but heck, I'm a SAHM! Who was I trying to impress with drying my hair and putting on make-up everyday. Now that I know that 'attractive spouse' is one of my H's most important EN's, I try to look my best (most of the time!). I clean up pretty good too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

4. My H tells me about his day. Again, may sound silly, but he had so much to hide in the past that he never shared his day with me. Now, he wants to tell me everything that goes on to rebuild my trust in him. It's good to know that your H is thinking about you and wants to talk to you during his workday.

These are only a few ways that my life has changed for the better since d-day. Of course, there are many ways that my life has changed for the worse (just knowing that my life wasn't what I thought it was), but I thought it would be helfpul to focus on some of the good things. My hope is that one day I will look back on this time and know that my M is stronger because of the difficulties that we faced.

Anyone else have any positives they want to share?

iS,

I wish I did.

Although I'm glad to see things are getting better for you.

Still

SNORING......can't believe how much this one little part of our lives has wreaked so much havoc. I've slept on couches, futons, guest rooms and even hotel bathtubs when 2 room suites were not available due to his inability to sleep when I began snoring after I gained weight. Beginning D Day#1, we have not slept apart except when I've been out of town for 5 days, even when I snore which is now very seldom.

Since D Day #2, we have been reading a marriage book and our Couples Bible and praying together nearly every night.....yes, even while he was still in touch with her. Now that we've been reading MB books it's much better.

Since D Day #3, <sigh> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> we have had a huge renewal in our communication, less AO on my part, more RH and very few LBs.

Since we found MB last fall, our trust is beginning to rebuild and I see hope for us to recover, especially now that I have a safe place to vent when things do get wacky....like just last week.

I thought my H's being dishonest and then us both getting angry was a setback, but LovingAnyways pointed out that it really was an opportunity for growth.

Great thread idea Inner Strength, if we force ourselves to look at our seemingly negative situations through positive eyes like LA did.

Ace

Monumental 'change for the better' I just had to tell someone.

In the past, taxes were a pain and our tax guy just passed away (after 20 years) so we had to find a new one.

My FWH not only prepared everything, shared it with me for my input, and worked with me on thoughts that in past years would have been major LBs.....but he also did it early without my reminding him even once! It was kinda fun in a weird sort of way! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

(And we may even get a small refund!)

I know, cheap thrills, but it really helps build my trust in him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace