I need some help on Plan A my husband and his mistress. I told him that I've been getting information about him and this other woman on his job from co-workers that he has herpes, and that this 'fantasy woman' he's been sleeping with is the one spreading the rumors. He doesn't believe me and thinks he can trust this other woman. Do you think that will bust them up? He seems to trust this other woman so much with what's happening between us and his personal life, that he can't ever see her doing something like this to him. How can I make him see that she is destroying him, and that she really doesn't have his best interest at heart?

Bumping my post to keep it alive. He told her everything that was going on between us, including the herpes. Since we have talked I've asked him not to tell her anything more about what goes on between us. Yes this is the same chick I talked about in the other post with a WH(she's not divorced yet) and a boyfriend in jail with whom she has a baby by. Why do men pick women like this to screw around with?

Binky,

Don't know what to say... I'm not doing the best PLan A. I'm not familar with your story at all so forgive me if I ask something you have answered previously.

Is your H still active in the A or has he cut off all contact? Is he still living with you at home? Although it sounds like there is still contact.

Have you read the descriptions of plan A on this website? Hopefully the experts will come along to help... weekends are pretty slow.

Hang in there.

Stll

I asked my husband to leave(12/14/2006) after I found out he gave his mistress money for an apt(for her) He has been very active in contact with her(got an extra cell phone so I can't check records on the new one, but can still check the old one and she no longer calls that number)takes her to work every day. I wish someone knew and understood the pain I am feeling right now, it hurts so bad:..( He tells me that he no longer has feelings for me anymore.

My story is that I have been a very anger person due to a violent rape(me) my best friend was murdered by my rapist over 25 years ago. I became very defensive about everything, including in my relationships. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 8 this year. I've been in therapy since he left for my own issues, we just started marriage counseling yesterday. Today he tells me that he is not feeling getting together, and is contemplating divorce again. The other woman is a co-worker he's known for 5 years. I knew someone was feeding him emotionally when I wasn't. I've been trying to make up for that in therapy, but he doesn't see it because of the pain I caused him, is too much for him to remember, and it really hurts me bad. He infected me with herpes early on but didn't know he was infected. I tried to forgive him, but he keeps gravitating towards other women(guess that's due to me and my previous anger) I really just don't know what to do, and I'm feeling so sad right now, that I'm not feeling good about anything in life anymore...I feel like such a failure, and just wish I can get some help..

Step back and take a look, he is getting EA from a stinky OW w/herpes? Hm....how smart is that?

What you s/b telling him is to stay away from you until he takes a strong bath (extraditing the OW from his life) and get his STd under control).

NO plan A for such a cruel WS. The question is if you are ready for plan B because the WS is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

My husband contracted herpes and didn't know he had it and hence infected me. This was almost 4 years ago when that happened, and I've been very anger about it ever since. He told OW that, this is what makes me mad, and now I think she is spreading it all over the work place where they work. He claims that she wants to be with him, but b/c he told her he has herpes, I think she may have had a change of heart, but still continues to use him for whatever she can, making him THINK there is a possibility for them to be together. I do understand my husbands anger and unhappiness towards me, since I've been a troubled person for quite some time. Now what I really want is to show him that I want to make a change for the better, and have us happy again, but I don't think he is emotionally in that position to be receptive to me right now, although I'm going through re-living my rape all over again after 25 years. It's a difficult situation, one with many layers, and working on these issues are tough but I'm hopeful that things will get better one way or the other...