well, my WH is back from our "weekend apart". he says he didn't see or talk to the OW. i do believe him. that's not the point of this post though. i know yall believe he saw her. if it turns out that he did, we're on to plan B.

being apart for the weekend showed me that i CAN live without him. i really didn't even miss him. yeah, i was a little lonely, but i never shed a tear or anything.

i asked if the time apart helped him. he said he was excited to see me again, but when i told him i didn't miss him, he was a little let down.

i'm just wondering if anyone else ever felt nothing towards their WS. did your feelings come back?

thanks
FO

you probably needed a break from the stress of plan A and that brought about the good feelings

however,

i don't think a weekend apart can really give you a fair representation of what a lifetime apart would be like

Eav is so right here. It made you feel good to get a reprieve from all the pain and emotion flowing back and forth.

One night isn't enough to show you that you can live without him however. It would definitely hit you down the road (and your DD!).

You're feelings will come back. You have been through so much, you feel numb, and I'm sure you're downright scared to feel again. If your husband can really commit to recovery, and does the work however, it can happen.

Let us know how things go during the week.

Mom

if you are in plan A, the goals of plan A are .....make deposits in his lovebank if he will let you and avoid lovebusters

telling him you didn't miss him wasn't a deposit in his love bank.......the only thing that could have come from that statement is that he would be hurt

i understand that you are hurting....i've been there...i still am

however, i've learned from my mistakes that hurting him because you are hurting will not allow either of you or your marraige to heal

IMHO, can I ask you a question? ok, if your H has had an A, then by DR Harley's standard he is not to be trusted. why on earth are you accepting HIS truth(that he did not see her), why are you not spying? having him followed? verifying his whereabouts...be proactive, YOU are trying to save your M here. he is tring to fill his selfish need for cake eating, fence sitting under the guise of "finding himself" you are working toward separate goals, he is working against you, keep that in mind.

again JMHO, but YOU are chosing to believe him just because, why?? I believe the mantra is...trust, but verify...all of his stories must be checked out. what are you doing to get that info???

I know you don't want to believe it, but you will see the light. I would put money on the fact that he saw her.

i guess i was just trying to be honest. maybe if i told him i didn't miss him, he would admit he saw her (if he did)

MOM, you are right. i'm scared to let myself be in love with him again. there is a wall there. i gave him all of my love after d-day #1, and he killed me with d-day #2.

i almost feel like at this point i should cut my losses and move on. i won't act on that, i know i need more time. but sometimes i look at him, and just can't believe what he's done. i know i deserve better, and i believe i can find better. i'm young, attractive and have a good job. in the next few months i should have enough money saved up for a decent down payment on the condo i've been eyeing.

anyway, i'm glad i have you guys to let all of this out to, b/c i know it would serve no purpose to tell my WH.

fo, the Titanic is sinking and you are worried about the peeling paint in the girls bathroom. Until you confront the real problem, this is hopeless because nothing will ever get resolved. Your H just spent the weekend with his ho and you are wasting your time wondering about feelings that will change again in 2 hours. Please wake up, FO, you have a serious problem on your hands right now and ignoring it will not make it go away.

ML
if he did, indeed spend the weekend with his ho, i'm on to plan B and will probably be quickly followed by plan D. i know that's not what i "should" do, per MB, but i just can't tolerate it.

i truly do believe he's telling me the truth. i almost wish he did see her (and would admit it) b/c then i would have no regrets about moving on.

he is acting better now, seems to be different, i don't know.

still confused, obviously ;-)

why are you waiting for him to admit it???...don't you want to KNOW???

fo...I know you are feeling down and depressed...getting proactive will help you feel better...stop letting him control your destiny...have you made a plan? if so, then what is it?? to wait for him to confess to d-day #3?? how is that taking action??
there is still contact...your plan is exposure ...spying ... plan A...

the longer you spend time in this denial..the longer it will take to get your M back on track.

fo, what is your plan to find out the truth about his activities this weekend?

I am sorry that you have chosen to believe him, but his story is completely unbelievable.

You might want to start eyeing that 13 mo baby, and how a split home is going to effect her...for the rest of her life.

How lonely and hard it is to be a single mom, good job or not.

I was where you are with my DD's dad and I did nothing...except wait for him to do the right thing. I blamed him totally, never looking at my actions.

I regret that today. My DD still wants us to be together...all these years later.

You need to do every thing you can do to save your marriage. You have only been in this for a couple of months. Way too soon to be giving up, or giving him all the control in whether you marriage fails or not.

i have confirmed some of the facts with the guy whose apt he stayed in.
the guy didn't stay with him, but some of the facts have checked out.
also, my WH brought the sheets home to wash for his friend.
i inspected them carefully and there was no bodily fluid on them.

should i call OW and ask her? i've thought about asking her and saying "if you did see him, you may as well tell me, b/c then he'd be all yours."
i doubt she'd answer her phone, but is that a good/bad idea?

Really? Are you really ready to give him to the OW?

Call her husband. What happened when you exposed to him?

fo, why are you asking liars for the truth? You are not going to get the truth from the OW or his friend.. His friend is the affair facilitator.

Your H stayed the weekend with his friend so he could be with the OW. There was no other reason to stay away.

FO,

You need a plan and then you need to work your plan. Please note that hope is not a plan. So to think "I hope WH didn't see OW" or "I hope WH is telling me the truth" is not a plan of action.

you're right i need a plan. suggestions are welcome!!!

yes, if she's seen him, i'm on to plan B. whether or not she gets him is up to him and her, but i can't tolerate any more lying.

the OW and her H are getting a D. when i exposed the A to OWH, he kicked her out. she's staying with a friend. OWH and i are in contact, but he doesn't see or talk to her very often anymore. they have been married less than 2 years with no kids, so it's probably not worth the effort for him to save their marriage.

How has your Plan A been? Do you think it has been long enough? Have you taken a good inventory of the marriage and where you could have done better? (no blame on you intended here, you are not to blame for his choice to have an affair)

Do you feel you are really, really ready for a totally dark Plan B?

i feel i was in a good plan A for the 3 weeks b/w d-day 1 and 2. since d-day 2, i have been much more guarded with my heart.
i do know where i went wrong (pre-A). my WH felt that i didn't give him enough attention after the birth of our dd in jan 06. i struggled with PPD and after going back to work was angry with him for not being willing to make changes so i could be a SAHM
also, he says i made SF seem like a chore.
b/w d-day 1 & 2 i pursued SF daily, but he often rejected me, which makes sense now, knowing that the A was continuing.

so anyway, since d-day #2 i haven't been doing as well with plan A. for awhile there i know i was driving him crazy and i was going crazy as well. i had a spy at his office. her info drove me crazy. i just don't feel much for him, so it's hard to plan A. the only area in which i was lacking was SF, but i'm doing better there now (even though he is not attracted to me as in, it takes effort on my part, if you know what i mean) sorry if tmi

need any more info to help me with a plan?

and i don't know if i'm ready for the reality of plan B. but i do know that another d-day would be it for me. i just can't take it again.

fo...you are reacting to his actions..plan B is not that way, plan B is supposed to be well thought out and then executed (although I was not very good at that) if you make an emotional decision to plan B him, then you may not be as strong as you need to to uphold it. this, I know. try to get a bit calm, tell us about how your plan A is going. have you written a plan B letter? don't ACT until you know the plan and what the consequences will be..plan B is HARD!!

I would just assume that the A is ongoing because you know of contact at work. then you don't have to think about whether he is telling you the truth. you should expect he is lying until NC has been established. that is when you can start seeing him through withdrawal.