Your sentence reminds of of this quote:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Also:

Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.

Marriane Williamson quotes...

Cast off your fears HOLD, liberate yourself, don't hold nuthin back, OK?

Hmmmm...interesting, this guy could have been looking for a few different ideal responses. Could have been a test he brought along with him to see how you'd react. He could have been testing your standing tax knowledge, in which case this may have been strike one. Then again, he could have been testing your resolve in seeing how willing you were to bend over backwards for business or if you would stand up for yourself enough to know how valuable your skillsets are and that you shouldn't give away your valued services for free, in which case you probably did the right thing. Hard to say really. I guess only time will tell. This is why I don't like sales. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Good luck! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Nah. I got that covered. I knew he had diversification problems under Section 817(h) when he showed me the insurance dedicated fund structure they planned to use for their domestic tax exempt clients. And I knew he was worried about passive income recharacterization issues under Secton 469 when he asked me how to characterize their royalty expenses. My standing tax knowledge was up to snuff. He wouldn't be able to find anyone (err, well, anyone who could explain the answer to a lay person) who knew the answer to his question off the top of their head.


Maybe. I couldn't have given him more at the table anyway. The question was whether I should go back to my desk and do some research to discover the answer.

I think mainly he didn't like the negative answer he got in the first instance from an employee and was looking for someone to tell him he gets a result he isn't entitled to under his current structure. I am not sure there is a structure that would work for him. If there is, I am certainly not going to give it to him without getting paid.


Thanks. I don't like sales either. But it is part of the job description if I want to advance. So unless I am willing to change jobs or stay stagnant (not clear that is feasible long term), then I have to do it whether I like it or not. Which reinforces my point from earlier. If I am not willing to change the game, then I have to play this game by its rules. I can't complain that I get penalized for breaking the rules of a game I choose to continue playing.

Been doing that in my marriage for years and it hasn't gotten me squat. Trying to stop doing it at work.

Ah well, the usual happened. Friday morning I got asked to go with a partner to a marketing meeting. Good opportunity.

Then Friday afternoon another partner insists I not go to the marketing meeting so I can meet with him and a 3rd partner to go over a client matter before they leave to go to London Monday afternoon. I am short billable hours this month, so I agree to pass on the marketing meeting and go to the client meeting so I will have a good sized assignment to work on this week.

So of course, the partner cancels the client meeting and doesn't tell me or the 3rd partner until right now. When it is too late for me to go to the marketing meeting. So I get neither the assignment nor a chance to do some marketing. Just great. The other partner is really angry about the cancellation. But that doesn't do me any good.

ARGH!

Called marketing meeting partner to ask if he needed any help preparing for the meeting. He said it was delayed until 3:00 pm. So, figuring that "fortune favors the bold", I raced to the train station and got on a train to NYC. I am here with 18 minutes to spare. So I can go to the marketing meeting after all. Won't bill any hours today, but I can always work a long day tomorrow if anyone has anything for me to do on top of what is on my plate now.

I will prevail!

I like that you're taking the initiative. As they say in the Ford commercials, bold moves. My new mantra is "Dare to be happy."

You are ultimately in charge of your own destiny and reality. Most people are not afraid of failure, they're instead afraid of their own success. Do not be afraid to be successful.

I'm still in your corner...

Went to the meeting. Should be poductive for the firm. Was worth it regardless, because we had good bonding time on the train ride back from NYC.

Got home. Had dinner. Time with kids. Checked my work e-mail. Got an assignment from a senior partner. Left him a message that he could call me until midnight. He called at 11:20. E-mailed me a bunch of documents I am reviewing now.

So today I got good schmoozing and a new assignment.

Yippee!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Staying insanely busy and working around other people helps me. I am glad you are making the most of these opportunities!

Last night I brushed D10's hair to get the knots out. She has thick wavy hair and if we don't stay on top of the knots daily she ends up with a bird's nest and then I have to break out the knitting needles to untangle things. We need more (better?) conditioner and detangler.

Then D10 and I buffed and lotioned and massaged Mrs. Hold's feet. Then I rubbed Mrs. Hold's back and shoulders.

Then I sewed a rip in S12's basketball shorts.

Mrs. Hold was snappy and unpleasant the entire time.

So the e-mail and late night assignment was a welcome distraction.

Mrs. Hold was on call last night and had to go to one of the local hospitals around 2:30 to attend the victim during treatment and while the police interviewed her. She got back around 4. I got up and motivated the kids and made their lunches and took them to the bus stop (our family's day to monitor the insanity - I will miss it next year when the 5 sixth graders go to middle school and the bus stop is not so crowded and wild) despite having been up until 2 am. Mrs. Hold was nice about thanking me for letting her sleep a little later. But that is not enough to keep me motivated to work on our marriage. Right now work is the priority. Sad but necessary.

try a leave in detangler on your daughters hair.
spray it in while the hair is wet before she dries it....helps me.

it always amazed me how Mrs.H will allow you to massage her when she is not in an unpleasant mood. i find that so odd... and
it must be torture for you.

Yes, we always brush her hair while wet. Trying to brush it while dry would be like shaving dry skin - yikes! But we aren't good about keeping enough detangler in stock. I will have to work on that.


Hmm, maybe I am not being clear. She often asks for massages when she IS in an unpleasant mood. Sometimes because physical pain is what is making her unpleasant, and she hopes that a massage will help her feel better. Maybe it does help how she feels, but it rarely affects how she behaves.

Other times she asks for a massage to confirm that I am still invested. It is a test of my loyalty and willingness to engage. Last night was such a test. As we have discussed here, she has a tremendous fear of being abandoned. So she pushes for affirmation that I am not abandoning her by requesting me to massage her. She often expresses surprise that I am willing to do so.

In prior years massaging her was torture for me. Now not so much. I used to think she should repay me for the massages with sex. Now I understand that such expectations are (i) bad in general because expectations fuel resentment, and (ii) ridiculous in particular because she is never going to repay me for anything with sex. So now I do it because I enjoy rubbing her and because it sets a good example for my children of what married people should do for one another. These days I rarely get aroused while massaging her. What would be the point?

http://www.epinions.com/beat-Hair_Care-Conditioner-All-Paul_Mitchell_The_Detangler

Paul Mitchell detangler really worked for my color damaged hair. When I had color, and I had more hair!

Thanks for the suggestion re: Paul Mitchell.

Partner called. We went over the documents. He was impressed with how thoroughly I had reviewed them in such a short time. So it was worth staying up until 2 am. Now I am writing a memo to the client. More billable hours. Hurray!

great news. congrats!

Hold,

It's amazing that I can leave you a positive message and get such a negative response....though I'm not surprised....I'd like to at least set the record straight.

I think success is the product of four things (in order of importance):

a) hard work
b) talent
c) confidence
d) luck

You have complete control over (a) and seem willing <at this point> to do the work despite your tendency to procrastinate or give up. This was an element that you decided to invest. That's a good thing and it's great to see you step up. It's a known fact that talented and brilliant people (b) <like those who graduate from freaking Harvard> often suffer from underachievement because....well, they're lazy, have entitlement issues, and are waiting for lightning to strike. They learn to depend on their gifts, instead of doing the hard work it takes for success.

But you didn't ask for a kick in the butt to keep working hard.

Of the remaining two elements (c,d), you have control over one....and none over the other. Of all of these things....luck is the least important....yet it's what you asked for.


We are very much in agreement here....but "luck" is exactly the "lightning" you speak of. Sure, you need some luck and I did wish you that!


But the one thing you need that you don't have much of....is (c) and that's what I <wish> for you. It might piss you off....but it's the thing you're least likely to get and most likely to need....so that's what I wished for you.

I hope you get lucky too....but mainly....I hope you can keep up the hard work, use your talents to their greatest potential, and find some confidence to help buoy your spirit when you aren't so lucky.

We are in agreement. Confidence. Positive outlook. Optimism. Those are things I need and don't have.

That's why I figure I need to get lucky. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Oh, FYI, the guys down the hall hired us last night. Much smaller project than what I pitched them the past few weeks. But it is a foot in the door. And they seem to have lots of matters to work on once they gain confidence in us.

Went to the principals' retreat in London and Oxford over the weekend. The opportunity to listen to madrigals sung inside an old stone church was magical. Dinner in the Hertford College dining hall was impressive. Nothing like any university food service at any school I attended.

Good bonding for me with the UK partners, who I basically see only once a year.

Bittersweet ending as the 8 candidates for promotion to principal arrived for interviews Sunday morning and I left. But I created this and it is within my power to change it. The bar will be higher for me than for others because I will have to base my case on actual achievement rather than potential for achievement. But again that is my own doing and resenting it and stewing about it won't help.

My new mantra is "Life is good and getting better. I am great." Generally sung to the tune of "Deck the Halls". As in:

Life is Good and getting Better.
I am great great great, I am so great.

Life is Good and getting Better.
I am great great great, I am so great.

Life is Good and getting Better.
I am great. I am great. I am great.

Life is Good and getting Better.
I am great great great, I am so great.

---------------------

Yes, I know it is narcissistic. But given my confidence issues, I am giving it a try. I sang it last night on the plane back from England when I found myself tempted to feel bad about things I said over the weekend. Or about not being on pace to get where I want to go. I found I was able to fall asleep on the plane while singing this to myself as a sort of lullaby. Which I needed to do (sleep) since I spent the past 3 days staying up until 2 or 3 am drinking and I my plane landed at midnight and then I had a 2 hour drive to get home! Much better than spinning downward in despair as I play tapes in my head of past miscues I can't change.

Glad to hear you singing another tune.

I think I have to make up something like that.

I can do my gosh darn taxes
They won't arrest me, it's OK.

Had a meeting with a new client yesterday. I almost cancelled because I have been talking to them for months and they still have not engaged me or sent me a retainer (firm policy is to get one from all new clients). But the client came from a good referral source who keeps telling me they are for real and I should stick with them. So I drove to another office to meet with him.

May turn out to be worth it. If they are worth what he told me they are worth, this could become a huge client for me. So wish me the confidence to reel them in.

I wish you GREAT confidence and good luck too!

Dear God,

Please send Hold the confidence and lightning he needs to put his Harvard education to good use.

PS....He could sure use some admiration and SF from the Ms too.

regards,

*star


I really feel encouraged by the intiative that I see you taking. That's a big change Hold...big...huge!

So, has Mrs H noticed the new and improved you?