My WH is leaving today and it has been very hard on me today. I don't know what to do. I just never thought things would come to this. He says that he just feels so bad all the time, that he doesn't know if he is just ashamed of what he did or if I don't know. He says he just feels this is the right thing to do and the only thing he has not tried. I am just having a hard time imagining us not being a family ever again. I just can not stop feeling so sad. I know I need to let him go, but it is just too hard for me and I don't know if I can make it through this.

Let him go. It will give you a little more distance from him and his anger so you can finish your Plan A like a champ, and go into Plan B.

I'm sorry, as I know that does not make today any easier for you, but it will be for the best overall. It doesn't matter how good a Plan A is, it almost always takes Plan B for you to be able to outlast the A.

Now you will be set up to prepare for this important next step.

My prayers are with you.

So, does that mean I should just give up and ask him for a divorce. He says he is just so unhappy with himself and that it is not fair to us for him to stay and be so unhappy. I just don't understand. I just want some understanding about all this and for someone to guide me in the right direction, because right now I am just lost.

No, you don't ask for a divorce unless YOU WANT ONE.

I urge you to consider Plan B. First, make sure that you have a good support system in place. Friends, family, etc. Write a Plan B letter, post it here, get some help.

I don't want to sound crass or mean, but your WH is making excuses for continuing an A. When he states that it is unfair for him to stay and be so unhappy, all you need to say is that you agree. It is unfair.

I agree with Neak, let him go.

I know that is what I need to do, but he wants me to help him with the business. The business that we built together. He says that it would be for the kids, but I don't think I can do that. I can do it for the kids, but it is going to kill me. I just don't understand why I should have to sacifice my sanity and him not. He says he is leaving because he has treated me bad and he doesn't want to do that anymore and he feels he has tried to do that and he feels worse, because it is not working. But he will not tell me he wants a divorce and when I mentioned something about vistation for the kids, he got upset. I just don't know what to do about all this. I either want to just move on with my life without him or have and rebuild my life with him. He acts like he just wants to give up and is focusing on the kids and do what is best for them, but to me what is best for them is for us to be a family.

Can someone out there help me understand what he is going through, please?

Well, I decided yesterday to ask him for a divorce, because I am just so sick of trying to work on something that he doesn't think is there anymore. So, we had a talk last night and I told him that. Well, then he told me that he finally realized after our talk that afternoon, that he had not been there for me and has not listened to me at all. He said that he realized that he was making everything all about him and neglecting me and the kids. I was in shock to hear all that. I was like who is this person!!! But he said that he was going to be there for me and the kids, but he was not going to make me wait. He said that he did not know if he could be a husband to me or wanted to be, but he would listen to me and meet my needs. So, I am confused by that statement, not sure what that is supposed to mean.

So, now I don't know about rushing into a divorce, should I just give it some time or just say forget it and move on with my life? I feel better today about the whole thing, but still confused about what to do, because I don't want to be lend astray and be used any more.

Any advice would be much appreciated!