My wife and I are 7 months past the last D-Day. I say last because our D-Day keeps changing because every few months she changed her story. Even now, her story changed. She exactly now states that her physical affair was not as physical as she stated back in July 2006. She says she exagerated the details because she wanted to just confess the worst possible story once and try to recover from that instead of dealing with details.

Anyway, I had an EO this morning because my wife completely shuts down if I am feeling down, uneasy, depressed, or want to talk about the A. She says it is a LB. Last night I tried to talk to her about a situation in which I felt she was being somewhat selfish. She became defensive and it all somehow turned into a conversation about how we meet each others emotional needs. I got down and she became very cold and distant. Also, she stated that she is not the compassionate type nor supportive and she understands that she is selfish. She said that that is the way she has always been and I knew that. She says that the fact that she has established NC and is completely transparent should be enough. She says that I should merely will myself to just move forward and should not dwell on something that happened in the past. Also, she does not want to read anything that talks about how BS's feel because that is dwelling on negativity and we need to just focus on the future.

Lastly, she said that if I repeat the story of the A, that that is disrespectful because she is not that woman anymore and has moved on.

So, it seems I have a need to talk about the A and feel supported and such. I have a need to be conforted when I am feeling down or have pain. She has a need to put it behind her completely.

Am I wrong for needing to discuss the A and our life prior and during the A? Is she wrong for just saying that since she is doing the things to reestablish trust that everything should be fine.

I want to be better and I am trying daily. I don't like the way I feel most days especially when the A is on my mind. I feel like my brain is torturing me daily and my wife can / will not understand that are she chooses not to except that. If I could stop this now, I would.

Confused each day.

Married for 10 years
3 children
D-Day(EA) 12/05
D-Day(PA) 7/06 Same OM

Hope_full

I've noticed you have several posts throughout the forum. You might want to stick with one and add things to it. You will get more responses when others have the full picture of your sitch and be able to give you more advice.

I'm not super forum savvy, so I don't know how you can combine your posts, but someone here will most likely.

Between your WW's comments about not ever having an A with a married man because she wouldn't want to destroy another woman's life (but has no problem doing that to her husband and kids) and her comment about all the "trouble" her friendship has caused, it doesn't sound like she has actually accepted any responsibility for the A or has any remorse.

As I am prone to do-I'm gonna paraphrase Dr. Phil again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

He has told many WS's that the BS will never, ever get over the A, until the BS believes in his/her heart that the WS truly understands the hurt that they have caused to the BS.

Do you have a copy of Surviving An Affair? It might help.


Keep posting.

Hope_Full,

I agree with John. I replied to you on recovery and you apparently abandoned that thread. I see 4 more here, and at leasat 3 on Recovery. If you want help you need to keep things on a single thread so that people can catch up with you, and your issues. Otherwise, they will do as I am doing and really not bothering to offer anything, I cannot keep up with all of the threads.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL