My WH makes a lot of money and while he's been away on a job site, he's gotten involved with another woman. Right now, out bills back home are huge and it takes most of his salary to cover those bills. He is supporting OW on the money he makes from his living expense money on his job. In addition, he uses his company phone and company vehicle to further that affair. I don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face, but I do want to bring the affair to the attention of his employer. How to I achieve my objective? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated...

my WH (and OW) employer knows and doesn't care.

so good luck with that.

the A was exposed to their employer by OWH employer, so if she's married, expose to her H first. he may do everything for you.

I don't know what media you want to use -- a letter, email, telephone, or personal contact. Frankly, I think the latter does the most good. It makes you more human to the powers that be in the company.

Unless the OW is a subordinate of your WH on the job site, or vice versa, there is little chance he'd be fired. He might be spanked a little for using company resources for personal use, but I've never heard of any major punishment on that score--even when the employer is the U.S. military. Unless the company has a strictly enforced "morals" policy, it's also unlikely he'll be fired simply because he is committing adultery. It just doesn't happen.

Your exposure should be directed to the Human Resources director in the company (or whatever they're called where your husband works.) If you can, I’d go and sit across the desk from that worthy individual and explain to them you are trying to fix a troubled marriage. Tell them how the adultery affects your children (if any) and how it’s creating problems in the home. Ask about their personnel policies in such matters.

Bear in mind they might be sympathetic, but probably will be more interested in his misuse of their property and the fact he may be taking time from his job to conduct the adultery. Don’t be shy about pointing that out.

You need to know there’s no easy way to do this, and no manual on how to do it. When you’re sitting in that chair, or getting down to putting pen to paper, just take a deep breath, open your mouth and begin talking. If you’ve organized things in your mind before hand, that’ll be enough. The discussion will assume a life of its own once the subject is broached, so just be conscious of all the points you want to make.

BTW, where else can you expose this obscenity? The rule of thumb is to expose to anyone who can reasonably be expected to be able to put pressure on the individuals involved in adultery to stop.

Good luck, Lady.

Xetta,

I exposed to my WH direct bosses... I would of done HR but I couldn't remember her name. I had met both previously at my WH work functions. What I did when I had positve proof I e-mailed them as I was talking to my WH on the phone. He was upset that I had talked to OWH, someone saw us talking and called her at work.

What I essentially wrote
I am sending this e-mail to let you know that WH name is having an imappropriate relationship with MOW name. I have positive proof that they are meeting in the mornings on the way to work. Both M and I want to save our marriages. I would also like you to know this is the reason he left his previous job.
What concerns me is WH is direct supervisor over MOW and this can create a problem for her co-workers as WH was just completeing bonus and evaluations which seems unfair to OW co-workers.

Never received anything back. And WH was ripped the next day when he was hauled into the office. Found out later he is no longer her direct boss. So not much really happened they still work together.

Still

Thanks for the advice...any more advice would be appreciated.

Expose to all KEY people who can have an influence on the A.

Before the A started, when you thought "Who will I have when everything else is gone?" Who did you think of? Your H, your family.

Do you want to end the A and save your marriage or have your WH keep his job? Losing your spouse will have much more of an effect on your life than him losing his job. Believe me...

I exposed to key people (only) at my WW's place of employment, and I'll never regret doing it. I know it had an influence, although they didn't get fired, as it created discomfort and reality for both. And it unveiled the ugliness of it. That damage may well manifest itself more later in the A than it did then (The A is ongoing), and I'll do anything it takes to get the love of my life back.

My daughter, once told the full reasons of why I did the things I did told me the only things I ever needed to hear to confirm I was doing the right thing:

"Dad, I love and respect you for what you are doing".

Expose, expose and expose.