Just a little background...we are just two and a half weeks from a 4th d-day...My WH had an affair with my best friend and his best friend's wife...
The past year and a half has been a roller coaster...but the past two weeks have almost been unbearable...

there are moments when my old husband shines through and then he changes in an instant and goes back to how much he loves and misses her

i don't understand...and then last night i felt he finally had a break down...he cried for the the first time and said he was sorry for ruining everything...he hugged me and kissed me like he hasn't in a long time...and he said he knows he needs a lot of help

i am just scared...because his emotions are all over the place...why can't he see that if she was really his friend she would want what is best for him...i am not saying i am what is best...but i do know we will always have to have a relationship because we have children...i want my marriage to work...i am just so scared...and the fact that she has continued to call his work phone and that she said he would have to move for her to leave him alone scares me...she also only works 4 miles away from him...

i do feel last night he let himself feel some of the pain he has caused for the first time...i just don't know how to help him anymore...and my health is getting bad...i don't sleep barely eat...i am down to 115...and i have lost ten pounds in a week...i just don't know how to stay strong for the both of us...any help from someone who has gone through this would be much appreciated



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((snr419))

So sorry you are struggling and dealing with Dday 4. Sounds like there is still contact and he will never recover until there is NC.

Have you considered calling the Harley's? Have you read the basic concepts and Surviving An Affair or the links on this site about surviving infidelity?

Your H is facing a lot of emotional stress. He is facing what he has done to you and his family, and to his best friend's family. He also destroyed your relationship with your best friend-and she did too. Plus, the A is like a drug. He is still getting a fix from her if she is still contacting him. And you can't do this for him. He has to do it.

It sounds like you need a plan. You can't be strong for the both of you.

He has to be willing to do the things that he needs to if he wants his M and family to recover.

You have to be there for your kids.

First, he needs to establish NC with her and write her a letter-block her calls and block her emails. He also needs help working through his stuff, but not with you-with a counselor, a man to be accountable to, and MC for both of you.

Have you enlisted the help of the OWH in this? Has your H told his work to block her calls? Is he willing to file a restraining order? There's a good sample NC letter in SAA and also some on this site, but I don't know where. Others may give you more direction.

If he is really willing, there are things he can do. Maybe he could come to this site and get some help and encouragement too.

As far as your health-I would encourage you to get to your doctor and maybe into IC. I lost weight quite fast and needed the help of AD's to get past the initial hurt and emotional lows (deep lows).

I hope this helps.

Hey SNR,
sorry you are still in such a bad way.

I think calling Dr. Harley has been suggested to you a few times. If cost is an issue, you can call Bill Harley for free on the radio show.

Please do it.

I believe moving has been mentioned as well. It may take it. Austin is not so big you are not going to run into her some time, some where.

Do not invite him here to MB anytime soon. Not until he is for sure a FWS.

I think I remember he refuses to go to counseling with you. Maybe since he is at a low, he'll be convinced.

It may be time for Plan B. He can not continue to cake eat as he has been for the last year.

Please, please, Please call Dr. Harley and let him help you come up with a plan for you.

If childcare is an issue, send me an email to tell me which part of the Austin area is where you live. I may be able to hlep you by giving you a name, ok?
mbmoveforward@yahoo.com

hang in there

Hey there,
just checking in on you.

SNR, I'm concerned about you.

By offering to give you a name, I am not trying to do anything else but to help you be able to get counseling if childcare is a problem. I am certainly not trying to make you uncomfortable. I hope the offer to do that did not scare you off.

i have talked to the harleys and I am in counseling..i just don't know what to do anymore...i don't have much will to live anymore...and the OW is relentless...she won't stop calling...she is psycho...i just want some peace in my life

snr,

You wrote: "i don't have much will to live anymore..."

Listen, you have two little babies at home that need their mother. This is hard crap and everyone here knows your feelings. You are with friends here.

Now what to do with OW!!!

Call her H and let him know that she is calling your H. After you do this you need to change your phone number - cell phones too.

Have you asked your H to write a NC letter?


(((((snr)))))

with work and time it will get better.

Hey SNR
you have so much to live for. Please if you are feeling like you don't - call the suicide hot line- let someone talk with you, ok?

Ok, so you have talked to the Harleys. Have you talked to them since d-day 4? Have they given you a plan.

Fill us in so we can help you on the path they have set for you.

I think you have said in the past that your ws is not willing to see a counselor. Has that changed?

How have things been in the last week since you thought he might be having a break through?

hang in there- I'm praying for you