Long story short. My XW had an A last year. I couldn't handle the thought of her, so I left, took the kids with me. I learned exactly who she had her A with, and learned also that there was another guy before him that I was unaware of.

That being said, I got a good result from my D. I got my children for the majority of the time, and the child support to go along with it.

My problem is, she is engaged to a guy, by her own admission, she has only known for 3 months max. They get married next month, and I am struggling on how to handle the new step parent that is about to enter my kids lives, (ages 5 and 2). This guy, is not the OM with which she had her A with. For all I know, he may actually be a good guy, I don't know.

How do I handle it with my kids? Do I just forget his name until something happens, if something happens? Do I do a background check on him once I learn his last name?

I honestly don't give a care about her anymore, but I am concerned about my kids, getting a "new parent" just a short month after our D happened.

How do I handle it.

They've known each other 3 months max, and getting married already, and you have only been divorced a month? Sounds like a trainwreck getting ready to happen.

He probably won't be around very long, but I would get a background check since your children are so young.

Astute advice from Believer...follow it. In-depth background check. Protect your kids from your xW's questionable decisions.

SD

Hehe, my D was final on Monday.

I suspect it has something to do with the fact she is so far in debt she has forgotten what color money is.

How much do I need to know about him before I can get a BG check?

Call a local PI and ask - they will tell you, or do a search on the internet - there are lots of places to get one done.

Name and address - SS helps too.

The great thing about PI is that he will do all the leg work.

SP

have ur kids even met this guy yet?? what do they say and think? they must be confused?

i'd get a counselor for them if for nothing else, for this new adjustment period... first mommy and daddy are not living together anymore and all of a sudden they are going to have a new step daddy... they are going to need some support.

find a good family/children's counselor and work with them.
mine went for over a year and it did wonders.

mlhb

If I was you, I'd have a long talk with him. Give him your version of the history you shared with your W. Perhaps she hasn't been completely honest with him about what happened up to the point she got involved with him.

That might be enough to get the M postponed for a bit.

They're both unwilling to talk to me about anything. I know where he works, but I think talking to him would only result in violence.

How can I get his last name? Can I get it from perhaps running a vehicle history report maybe? I think I can get his cars vin. My main concern is him, her barely knowing him, he could be a child molester, who knows.

Unfortunately, I think a counselor may be a good idea. I can talk to my kids about a lot of things, but I fear this could get over my head quickly.

Don't talk to anyone. Get a PI or someone that can dig up everything on this guy. If he finds out that he's a church going, likeable, trustworthy fellow, with no arrests warrants or questionable history then fine, that will help soothe your fears a little. On the other hand (if as I suspect due to your WW's choices, decisions, being wayward, etc) he is a loser he could have a "track record" that you need to know about. Depending on what you find your reactions may be doing nothing all the way up to going back to court to limit or restrict visitation by your Ex wife depending on this guys history.

Get it done!