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Last night one of his female friends called my cell phone for him ... seemed deliberate to me, but what do I know? This is getting out of hand!
Happily Recovered from Double Infidelity!  DD1[about to turn 7] DD2[due at X-mas]
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TJ... sorry about this... but Rookkev... can you check out the is it inevitable thread?
Thanks.... LITW
Formerly Lost in the World.... but really by Gods grace.... He has found me once again!!!!
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Whew! Turns out that the girl that called is also a friend of mine ... she changed her number and was calling BOTH of us! Thank goodness I was all worked up for nothing on that one. Still concerned about the others ...
Happily Recovered from Double Infidelity! DD1[about to turn 7] DD2[due at X-mas]
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TFC,
Do you think your H would talk to the Harleys? Because he is still angry about your A, he will feel justified in DJ'ing you and not being open and honest. You can let the Harleys be the enforcers and you be the loving, supportive remorseful FWW.
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We finally have a session scheduled next week! I am thrilled! Originally he said it was worthless b/c he was leaving, but then yesterday I went ahead and made the appt and he agreed to it. I am at my wits end with his secrecy ... He has certainly done a good job of trying to make me feel like he must feel.
Happily Recovered from Double Infidelity! DD1[about to turn 7] DD2[due at X-mas]
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His behavior is still very secretive and elusive. The cell phone might have to be surgically removed (lol)! I will def address this in our phone session ...
I might be on "high alert" just because of what I did, but I also think that "gut instincts" are something to listen to. I am getting concerned more and more each day, yet I have no knowledge of anything other than what he's told me (very little). I know that he has female friends, and I am ok with that; I am not ok with not knowing who they are. It would be a lot better if I felt that our M was getting the same attention that I think his friends are getting.
Happily Recovered from Double Infidelity! DD1[about to turn 7] DD2[due at X-mas]
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I would be very concerned. Does he read here at MB?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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No. I gave him the book, SAA, but he just put it down. Found out that he also saw HN/HN - so maybe he actually glanced at them both. He finally agreed to MC w/ the Harleys the other day - scheduled for beg of next week. Got the book "Marriage Fitness" ... he actually took a small interest in that - actually, he only wanted to do the quizzes, but was good about me reading some of it to him.
I am very concerned ... his behavior has been destructive to our M, especially rebuilding it!
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He really has two choices as far as I can see... he can commit to making the marriage better (which I doubt he will do since he is obviously furious) or he can send you packing because of your A. Anything else is just not okay at this point and you need to point that out to him right now. Just be prepared for an answer that you will not like. I agree. He has said he wants out ... I told him that I would understand if he had to leave, but that I hope he wouldn't. He is still here ... he obviously has places he can go if he wants to, but he's not leaving for some reason. I can only hope it is b/c he still has some hope for us.
Happily Recovered from Double Infidelity! DD1[about to turn 7] DD2[due at X-mas]
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Here we go again ... went "for a run" Sat & Sun and took the phone with him. Why do you need a cellphone while running?
Happily Recovered from Double Infidelity! DD1[about to turn 7] DD2[due at X-mas]
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Note the times and dates of his 'runs'. Cross reference these against the cell bill details.
H (37) Me
ww(37)
Married 10 years
2 DD's 6 and 9.
Together for 17 years.
D-Day on EA -Oct 28, 2006
Second D-Day 12-08....Divorce in Process
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Well this is lovely ... I checked the phone records! Turns out he was calling a girl during his "runs". On top of that he was text messaging her between his solo & our joint session with the Harleys today! Seriously!?! Why even do the therapy?
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why do the therapy...
well, from your perspective to help heal some of the wounds that are obviously fueling his actions at this point.
from his perspective..to regain the self esteem, self worth, confidence and love that an affair robs you of.
I would suggest changing your attitude to how you can help him get his feet under him at this point. Unless he was like this prior to your A, realize that he is reeling as a result of what you have done.
I pray that he stops doing what he is doing because it is so wrong and he is only lowering himself to a level that he doesn't need to go to.
MEDC
Last edited by mkeverydaycnt; 03/13/07 08:38 PM.
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You're right ... I needed an attitude adjustment. I am only diving myself crazy by checking the phone records ... should I just quit checking it? Therapy seems to be our last shot, I just want him to be committed to it.
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No, do NOT stop checking. You need the information. And YOU are far too early in the game to be talking about "last shots." You NEED to do everything you can to help your H until...
Get the point. You derailed the M. Now it is up to you to see it through to make sure you do everything to get it back on the tracks. The first thing is to start being a bit more positive. That he is even speaking to you... positive. That he is willing to even talk to the Harley's... positive. That he will fill out the EN questionaires...more than you could have hoped for right now. I would say your H is ahead of the curve in his response to things. I do not advocate or condone his actions (if he is having an affair). This needs to stop... but the reasons it started in the first place are very important to deal with right now.
MEDC
MEDC
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True - I will try to remain positive and deal the main issue here. I should be happy that he is willing to do these things and try to remember that what he is doing now is because of me. I really do appreciate your advice!
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And trust me, your H will appreciate all that you do now... even if he can't show it right now.
Sleep well.
MEDC
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I didn't sleep well. He called her on his way home last night ... not sure what they had to talk about at 1 am for 15 mins, but whatever. I am trying hard to not focus on these things, but how are we supposed to recover and rebuild when all his energy on this/these other girl/s?
Something is DEFINITELY going on with at least this one here in town ... I have that sick feeling in my stomach. I can't stop whatever is going on, and Plan A is nearly impossible since he won't spend time with me too. All his time is spent with other people ... what's next???
Last edited by time_for_change; 03/14/07 08:16 AM.
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I know what you mean.
My Plan A is in similar jeopardy as my WW spends all her time with everyone BUT me.
If I am over with the kids, she stays away until I am gone.
So not even that time is spent together. Avoids me like the plague.
At least he still comes home to you. Mine has separated.
Recent phone log proved she is contacting and texting the OM everyday and incessantly.
I am not giving up though, have faith that God will deliver this! Prayers are holding me together.
Me FWH - 29
WW - 29
2 Kids; Boy 9, Girl 1 year
WW - EA/PA Nov 2006 - Current (Approx 16 weeks and ongoing)
Me FWH - EA/PA Nov 2006 - February 2007 (Approx 12 weeks, NC achieved)
WW Separated 11 Dec 2006
MC Dec 2006 (About 5 sessions, did no good save for a list of ENs)
Currently working on saving the marriage.
My Ongoing Story of Double Infidelity
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I am losing faith every minute ...
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