A bit of a philosophical question here…about what we mean by 'respect'.

I have a lingering problem with aspects of H’s past A-related actions that screamed 'disrespect' to me. It seems to me that there's something fundamentally different in H's family's idea of respecting others, and mine. So I've been trying to work out what 'respect' actually means, and it occurs to me that it means a lot of things.

A few potential interpretations I've made:

Basic Respect: acknowledging that every other person is of equal value in the eyes of God. Accepting their right to hold views and values; observing their boundaries and committing to behaving honestly and politely to them. Basic respect is about the holder, rather than the receiver.

Earned Respect: what we feel about someone who moves outside of their own comfort zone and self-centredness in order to uphold a principle or act in the interests of others.

Status Respect: a sense of admiration for someone who gains something for themselves, where we rather wished we had the same nerve to disregard rules/ push the boundaries of others.

Fearful Respect: the wariness we feel for someone who we suspect will hurt us if we cross them.

Would you agree with these? Have any more to add?

TA

Self-Respect Treating others respectfully in order to live in and maintain personal integrity, despite their actions.

I have struggled to learn this from my father, who treats every person as an honored guest, no matter how humble or demeaning their circumstances, whether or not they deserve it. He never waited for anyone to "earn respect" he just gave it with absolute grace. It's the ultimate "do unto others".

Don't mistake this for tolerating foolishness. He has great boundaries.

Excellent definition! To me this is respect, all aspects of respect.

TA, the different aspects you defined do not seem like different aspects of respect to me. maybe more like feelings such as envy, admiration, fear.

To me all actions/feelings of respect would stem from Self-respect.

But I tend to get caught up in terminology so I could be way off in my interpretation of what you mean.

Something else that I'd add to Self Respect is believing that you have your own thoughts, feelings, and opinions which you experience and which exist independently of other people's. Being able to hold on to what you think, feel, and believe even if others around you DO NOT agree.

This is the opposite side of the coin of respecting other's differences of opinion but much, much more important. It is much harder to step out of the crowd and do what you know is right, in your heart, because you believe in your own ability to decide.


Mys

Respect does involve different emotions, I agree. But people do say things like 'I have a lot of respect for Person X', and they don't necessarily mean the same thing I would mean if I used those words.

We say 'I respect her temper', meaning we're scared of someone's emotional reactivity.

We say 'Respect!' in an Ali-G manner, meaning 'I'm impressed by your achievement/success/cheek/courage...'

The idea I'm exploring is that the word has complex meanings, but is often used as if it has a single simple meaning.

TA

TogetherAlone

Found this thread when searching for something else. Thankyou for the challenge to sort out my thoughts

here goes ;-

Respect is a degree of esteem accorded by one person to another .This is ,of course,a moveable feast given that the respector brings baggage and prejudice to the party.Whether it is you or me or Ali G --our expectations are coming from very different points of view. Respect is in the eye of the beholder and is therefore subjective.

There must, however,be a common thread attributable to all cases of respect regardless of the participants origins. I heard this defined on a radio programme the other day as the perceived degree of integrity of the respectee by the respector. Integrity was defined as WYSIWIG.-----( What you see is what you get.) We all recognize a person who is truthful in every aspect of their lives and pay respect to that

Self respect and self esteem are some things that are acquired not just by the way life is lived but, to some extent, from the way your parents lived their lives. I believe, like the roots of a tree, the hidden support for a persons self is passed from generation to generation.

A new buzz word in politics is" transparency" which is meant to convey respect for the truth.I for one am very suspicious of this word--- sounds like smoke and mirrors to me.Integrity is a very saleable item because it engenders trust . Trust leaves the trustor vulnerable to exploitation. Taking advantage of trust for selfish gain could be tempting.The cake eater who succumbs ton an a is a good example. Once a person misrepresents him/herself something intangible is lost and power play is set in motion.

Balance is sacrificed by one side. who opts for power over and control of the other.In the case of the eternal triangle one person is getting more than their fair share at the expense of the other two. Controlling one by keeping secrets and the other with the promise of undying romantic love, both states are untenable in the long run but provide two half relationships over which the central person at the apex of the triangle maintains a powerful hold .

Mutual respect propagates the concept of a balance of power. An ideal situation which is hard to find and much harder to maintain. A situation we would all like to achIeve in a relationship.Giving and getting respect relies on give and take. To get respect for yourself you have to be able to give it back .






.

I expect respect and when I don't get it, I go get it. ;grin:

L.

Thanks, Myopia. This is great stuff; will have to think about it for a bit and get back to you.

TA