Hi, my STBXH is a very controlling and emotionally abusive man. I met him online and we only dated 4 months before we got married. We have only been married for 15 months and have a young baby. I first left him last summer, but came back and agreed to try a new marriage counselor and work our issues out (I felt my son and myself deserved a chance to see if he could really change).

Anyway, I didn't know that when I left him he emailed me a spyware virus that basically kept track of everything I was keying on my home and work computer. I recently discovered it a month ago. I informed my work and they are deciding what to do about it. When I confronted him, he denied it and said he was not aware he sent me any kind of virus. He admitted it to my work though when they confronted him on it.

Also I was at my mom's house last week to pick up a few things. He tried calling me 5x while I was in the garage. When I got back in the house, he called again and was questioning me where I was and why I didn't pick up. I had to explain to him over and over that I left my phone inside and was getting stuff out of the garage. Then he demanded me to call him from my mom's house phone b/c he didn't believe me. That was the last straw. i've decided I had enough of his lack of trust and insecurites. He also suffers from severe depression.

when things are good, he treats me really well. Better than any other guy and I've dated a few nice ones. But I can't stay in this emotional rollercoaster relationship anymore. And I'm afraid to put my son through this too.

I saw that he put his profile back online. he also did that last summer when I first moved out. He is already ready to move on. I am so hurt.

How long before the pain goes away? I miss him so much. I can't stop crying every day. It is especially hard at night when I don't have his body to sleep next to. I can barely concentrate at work. I am so sad for my son and my broken marriage. I really wanted to work it out. I wish he could've trusted me more.

Thanks for listening.

you and i have the same EXACT story..... sooooo identical it's actually scary!!! .... EVEN THE SPYWARE.... fortunately (hind sight) i had a miscarriage... i believe it was due to stress that i was going through...
i filed for pfa and had hearing yesterday.. my husband's online profile has been back up and as of wednesday it read, single, looking for friends, dating and SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP... until i read that... i was heartbroken from the steps that i had chosen to take.... the hurt i felt started to get better... WE are better than that.... i KNOW i am better than that... i DESERVE a man who will treat me right..
i also have 2 children... not from him obviously... that are once again going to be scarred from a relationship... but i am very close to them and we get through... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> so will you....
ALSO PROTECT YOURSELF ... go and get a protection from abuse.... i did... and it was worth it... do NOT let him harass you.... there are many womens crisis centers out there that you can call for advice... please take it... i did... and it helped <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Freeatlast,
I agree with stressed wife. This man is controlling you do not let him control you emotionally. You can try plan A but in this case I am not sure becuse it sounds like he has some anger issues as well. Has he ever been treated for any of this? Have you suggested counsling perhaps to help him get the help he needs? in the meantime you can not put yourself or your child at risk. You can not run to him every time he demands it becuse then you are enabling him. Have you been able to speak to his parents about some of these issues they might be able to try to help?
Good luck and stay strong your child needs you