Maybe the subject title is misleading.

My wife (the BS) has been doing all the work from her point of view and I have just been bidding time waiting for her to "get over it." I must admit that is an accurate description.

I had a one month EA and have had no contact for 11 months. I haven't even feel any desire to do so. My wife did nothing to cause my behavior. I have learned from Dr. HArley's books that my problems are dishonesty (conflict avoidance) and independent behavior. I feel that I have been very dependent on my wife to guide my behavior through the recovery process. She introduced me to this website and had to encourage me to use it. She has told me what she needs and then I respond. It seems that I am very dependent upon her to structure my life and then when I want to do something else, I do it as "independent behavior" This seems to me to be very passive aggressive on my part.

Needless to say, she is frustrated and wants me to take the lead in recovery activities, without her "guidance" as she is weary of the whole deal. I was the one who screwed up and she has been the one to do all the work. The problem is that I don't have any original ideas about what to do. I have done 75% of what I have found on most lists of actions and behaviors suggested to rekindle relationships. We recreate together (I now X-country ski with her rather than run on my own. We run together rather than separately. I am trying to respond to her identified emotional needs. I am trying to cut back on my recreational reading to spend more time on this site and read up on this stuff (this is painful to me.

But it took me 11 months to get to this point and my BS is angry because it took this long to start and it has left her hanging.

Listen to me whine. Help.

Time and consistancy are the best healers. It sort of sounds to me like you are over analyzing your situation. What you need to do is to eleminate the love busters and meet the emotional needs your wife will allow you to meet. Doing so consitantly over time will result in you regaining your wife's trust and respect. That's it in a nutshell.