bsj220,

isn't there anything that interests you?? Didn't you mention that you had a dog??? If I read right that you have a dog..............this is a *perfect* freetime filler.

In my most frustrating, lonely times I would grab a dog and go someplace. Depending where I went, I either met new people (when you have a dog, this usually happens :-))
or it just gave me inner peace..........it made be feel good because the dog felt good and it was nice seeing him running around all happy.
Or I went to the hairdresser,sun-tan-studio,I got my nails done, bought myself something nice or simply went out for a coffee.

When I was alone I turned on my radio, ran the water in my tub and took a relaxing bath with a few glasses of wine. This helped me many times.

Learn that being alone doesn't have to mean you are lonely.....it was my biggest step to learn to be alone and to enjoy it.

bb

I called OW by her last name and since she was married, the WS got to hear her as Mrs. _________. Oh she hated it when she would try to rile me up by calling my house and I would ask if she was Mrs. _________. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Since the xOW in our situation intials are ML (her first name really is Monika) I used to call her "Monika Lewinsky".

The idea is good though.........I'm still getting hang-up calls even 6 years later............the next time I should ask if "Monika Lewinsky"" is on the other side. :-)
bb

i have 2 dogs both good size. usally i will walk one and my daughter will walk the other. the weather has not been cooperative here lately for walks. but i know when it does i will be out with them.
this afternoon a bunch of us from work is suppose to meet and have drinks and dinner. its a mexican place but i am going just to get out of the house. we do this about once every other month.so i do try to go and join them when i can.
then saturday i am suppose to go out with my mil and sil and probably the rest of his family. they are in disbelief like me about the whole mess. i know that blood is thicker than water but they have always treated me good even when we wasnt together(after high school) so i am looking forward to that. even though i am not a party person it will be nice to go out and enjoy myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

bbj,

how about inviting people over to your house once in awhile?
I'm not a party-type of person either therefore it's much more fun for me to have them over in my home.

Good way to keep yourself busy and it'll bring fond memories into your home.

Blood is thicker than Water................very true so be aware of this one. It's a great thing that they are sticking around but I'd be careful about what I talk about.

I personally wouldn't turn to them for support and I'd avoid talking about "personal & WS issues".
Discussing issues with them CAN bite you someday.........either way whether your husband and you separate/divorce or even if you get back together again.

There are NOT many people that you can lean on to talk to about such a situation............people that haven't experienced "infidelity" try to help and give advise but I don't know anyone that can really put themselves into a BS shoes unless they've been there themselves.

take care
bb

oh i know to be careful. my mil knows what i am going thru because that is what caused her to divorce my fil after the affair was exposed. and there were more than one. she has been taking really bad as well. now she has a boyfriend but my fil will not leave her alone he can stand the fact that she has moved on. even though they have been divorced for almost 3 years. actually i think that is all what started this spiralling down for my husband the spilt of his parents.
as for inviting people over to my house i have but most of my friends are busy on the weekends with their family. i have a handfull of really close friends that know what i am going thru. there is only about 4 or 5 people at work that knows. which i am surprised since you cant keep a secret at work for nothing.
sometimes i get my niece(sil daughter) and have her over for the night. she is a handful though but i love her to death.i know once the weather gets better i have plenty of yard work to keep me busy.it is just getting there i guess. i feel like this past 8 months have been the longest of my life and since a day doesnt go by that i dont think about what he has done to us.

Why not put something into the newpaper.........like:

Single parent (female) looking for women in the same situation.....just to have fun, talking, going out and to have someone to share freetime on the weekends with. Feel the same.....feel free to call me!

Well...........something like that. Just make sure it isn't placed in the "Woman seeking woman" part of the newspaper. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Over here in Europe you read that quit frequently in the newspaper and I think it's a great idea.

bb

update
sorry i havent been on the computer much this week getting over a really bad sinus and inner ear infection. i did go out with my co workers last friday. it was nice couple of hours away from home where i am not pondering on things. Dh called 3 times before i made it back home on friday(2hour span) then it was like 20 questions about everything. i was very vague even though it was just a causal dinner among friends. saturday i think he called me about 4 times. he mentioned more than once that maybe i shouldnt go out with my mil and sil. which i kept asking why and he didnt have an answer.
i did go out that evening and had a really nice time. alot of his family was surprised to see me out and i was greeted with hugs and kisses on the cheek. the only thing that really sucked is when the slow dance songs came on i didnt have no one to dance with. one song me and his cousin danced. ( she just had a baby about 6 months ago and wanted to get away for awhile. everyone was cracking up at us we was spinning each other around on the floor. i had to admitted it i had fun just being in the company with them even though it was mostly his family they nevered treated me like a outsider. i am not much of a partyer or i only had about 2 drinks( i know to limit myself because i do not want to get drunk) i got invited to a birthday party for this weekend for one of the family friends it is at a bar but i am thinking about it at least to drop off a card or something.
Dh was full of question come monday( he never calls on sunday because she is there) he said he was up all night saturday night and he couldnt get me off of his mind( yeah right) i asked what did he mean he said that ever time he tried to go to sleep he just kept thinking of me and he was worried if i made it home okay.
if this man worries so much about me why is he with her. i drive up to his work yesterday ( my daughter was in the car)
he gave her some money for some shoes. he gave me 50 as well. he came to the car to give it to us. when i went to leave he said love you guys bye be careful. me and my daughter just kinda give each other a strange look.
i dont know what to think any more. he says one thing and his actions say another. my daughter who to school with OW son all Dh does is sleep all day. and stays to himself. cant he see that is depression? or is it me doing wishful thinking that their relationship isnt all that fulfilling? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Having a life of your own really helps. I'm sure the affair will end, it just may take some time.

I hope you are not taking his calls while you are out. I would just ignore them. If he was so concerned, he would be with you. Watch his actions, not his words.

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

thanks you guys for the pep talk...
i found some info today that i dont think i was suppose to know. Dh stopped by to give our daughter some money for her yearbook order. well when he was at the house his father called in ( he has the nextel phone so it was on the walkie talkie part) his dad mentioned something about moving and when does Dh want to move in. he tried to hurry up and get his dad off of the phone before i could hear too much but it was enough for me to question him if he was moving. Dh told me yes that his mother has decided to file bankruptcy and to let the house go. they decided that the 1800 payment was too much for him.( we made it fine when we was together) and that DH and OW will be moving back in to our old house( his father was living there) yes from 6 bedroom and 3 baths to 3 bedroom and 1 bath. i wonder how OW is going to like that and guess what the kicker is that it has well water!!!!! so that bleach blond that she uses will not be looking so good. i do not look for her to stay there.
my sil had her oldest son a birthday party saturday. i was still feeling under the weather so i didnt go. my daughter went she told me that OW was there for about 10 minutes and then she went home. Dh stayed for about 3 hours after she left. i am thinking that things isnt all that happy in fantasy land with them right now any other time she would be up his butt i guess the new as wore off huh?
then for him to be shopping by himself yesterday was weird as well. because he came from the mall when he had stopped by to drop off money.
i am patiently trying not to pry but it is killing me i would like to be a fly on the wall in the house just to find out what excatly is going on. sometimes i feel i dont get the whole truth from him and i dont ask my daughter any questions i dont want her to feel that she is a pawn between us.
any suggestions out there? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

the puppy as far as i know was at home. when he talks on the phone he dont mention OW as much as he use to. it mostly about the puppy and it is like they are the only ones in the house.
because my daughter mentioned that OW's son stayed the night at my sil XH house with her son(after the Bday party)
he seemed like he dont know nothing about it and this is the son that lives with them at the house.
DH has been acting strange here lately when it comes to our conversions and if i dont call him back if we get interrupted he calls me. and he is thinking of everything he can to make excuses to come by my house.
i am going to continue to do what i am doing and see where all of this between them goes. sometimes i think i should not even think about being with him after this but the next minute i think i really love this man and i dont know if things will ever be the same with out him. i know that everything in life has a purpose and there is a lesson or a purpose behind this ordeal i just want to go forward. if it isnt my destiny to be with him anymore i wish i could have a magic ball to see the future and if it is me and him so i can be at ease more i guess it is the not knowing is killing me.
i want to know what is he really thinking or is he playing both of us till he makes his mind up. i know that i things will all work out in the end but getting there is the hardest part it feels like i dont even see a ray of light at the end of this tunnel!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

You feel like you don't know whether he is coming or going? Then find out. Confront him and expect him to try and weasel his way out. He has tabs on you but the WS in him doesn't want you to have the same rights.

Figure out your plan if he pulls this stunt and then you can react with a purpose.

L.

i know that i need to ask for a straight answer but when i have before i got " am confused".
and here lately his health has taken a turn for the worst and i am really worried about him.
i know that is no excuse for what he is doing i just dont want to fight right and to tell you the truth i just dont have the energy. at least there is some comfort of no bickering between us.
i know that something will have to give some time soon. our aniversary is coming up in less than a month and i have in my mind that is the turning point. that i need some closure on things and if he cant do it maybe i need to.
i know i am going up and down this rollercoaster and i just want to get off it. well at least that is feelings today. and i know they change from day to day. but i do have a big question mark in my agenda book for the date and i know i need to stick with what ever decsion i make.
so sorry for sounding so mean today but i just feel so fed up with everything. we dont argue or anything actually i didnt even speak to him today. i guess just feeling building up inside and they are making their way out!!!!
please say a prayer for me...

He will use his health, his wealth, your health, your wealth, family friends, work, everything and anything the WS will sacrifice to prolong the selfish A virus.

You decide if you want to be duped into enabling the A.

Just to let you know, my WS allowed himself to get sick to garnish my sympathy. Instead I took him to the doctor and let the doctor give him a tongue lashing. Then I laid into him big time about how disappointed I was that the OW wasn't keeping her word about making him healthier, wealthier and happier than he had ever been with his family. I demanded he be all 3 of those things. LOL!!!

He snapped back....for I refused to allow him to make me enable his A. When he threatened suicide, I asked if he wanted 'oh well' written as his epitaph. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

You'd be surprised how quickly the faked illness (even though he may be exhibiting real symptoms) can be cured. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid

You are amazing.... the things you have said to your H when he was WH are just to funny.

I wish I could come back as fast as you seem too.

I wish I could do that... were you always so sassy? Or did this develope because of you H's A?

Just curious (B sorry for the TJ)

B,
I also wish I had a crystal ball to see in future. To see if my destiny is with my H not WH. It really would make it easier knowing the income.

Although you could check out Dev's thread he about a day ahead

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Still

Oopps meant outcome although it would also be nice to know income($$$$)

Still

Reverse babble takes practice. No it wasn't easy but then again the survival of my family was involved so I practiced and practiced (in front of the bathroom mirror) until I got the RB stuff down right and it was smooth flowing out of my mouth.

Getting my priorities, boundaries along with putting my mind and heart in sync was key to being able to reverse babble.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid... I think I'm starting to get my heart and mind in sync.

I'll practice reverse babble for the times WH breaks through Plan B. Which seems easy for him.

You did plan B right... how long did it last?

Still