Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

b,
everything ok???

bb

sorry this past week or so just been hectic. last week it was drama with Dh and my daughter. he didnt come to her birthday party. so she didnt talk to him for about 5 days.
then i had a really bad toothache. the kind that had pain shooting up into my ear. i mostly laid around for a few days till i was able to get it taken care of.

then i guess there is drama with dh and ow. he called me today and ask me if i wanted this new sleigh bed. (just the frame he got a good deal on it and he knows i need one) so i went down to the store to look at it. he begins telling that he cant take OW and her kids anymore. he said he told her to move out. ( we will see on that one!) then he told me that he stopped by the house this morning and he went to the door but he couldnt knock. he said he didnt want to wake me up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

he said he was there about 630 am which is really odd for him on a sunday. i said what was you doing up that early? he said that him and ow fought all night and ow fought with her teenage son as well. he said he just cant take it anymore. he said he is not use to not being able to go anywhere he wants and he is tired of being under her thumb. he said she is not satisfied unless i am up her butt.
i said well you didnt know how good you had it till it was gone. he said that sums it up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


sorry i just kinda shorten everything up so i could get you update. the past week or so just have been crazy!!!
i hope he did kick her out. but i am not holding my breath on it. i dont know how i should feel. of course if it is true it would be great. but then i dont know if we can work it out. i do still love him. and today was my husband talking. it felt so nice to talk to him. now tomorrow the DH might be back and i probably wont be able to stand him!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

why is this so tough? i have never been a person who has been flip floped on decsions because i guess when your emotions play such a big part in it you will be feeling crazy!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
hugs
bsj220

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

oh i know i have heard all of this before. my sil had a cookout today and Dh picked up our daughter to take her. i was mowing grass and doing yard work. he got out the car and talked to me.(this is after i had talked to him earlier)
he said you are doing a good job with the yard he said i know it is a lot of work. i said thanks

when my daughter came back she said ow wasnt there at the cookout and neither was her kids. she said that her dad didnt say anything about ow to her. she ask me if something was going on? i said i dont know. you would have to ask your dad on that one. he knows more about it than me.

she said that she had a good time with him today. he let her practice driving his car( that was a shocker that his sports car i didnt even drive it! i was offered but that is after i found out about ow and i didnt even want to be in the car) i was glad to hear that he was having a husband day all day my daughter noticed it too. she said mom why cant dad be like this all the time? she said i miss him.
i said i miss your dad too. but i dont know why he changes all the time. hopefully it was a change for the good and we can see more of it.
she also told me that he was asking alot of questions about if i switched times going into work because he told her he drove by earlier in the week and my car wasnt there and he was just wondering if my schedule had changed.

why would he car what time i went in? second of all why was he driving by? dont he remember that he was the one who started this whole mess.....

i just feel like i am in an no-win situation sometimeswhat do you think of his actions today? like i said it can change come tomorrow.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

WOW!!!!
i cant believe it 2 days in a row of my husband not DH. could i be dreaming? i still have my guard up because i know it can change at anytime.
he stopped by and dropped off some bags of topsoil for me( i mentioned the other day that i needed to go somewhere and get some for my flower bed)he did it while i was sleeping(remember i work 3rd shift) so i called and thanked him for doing that.he said he knew that i dont have that much time during the day and he went and got him some so he decided to go ahead and pick it up for me.
then a couple of hours later i took my daughter out to practice her driving. so she called him once she got thru and told him that she did good with my suv. and now it is his turn again.
i guess he asked to speak to me because she handed the phone to me. of course he asked how she did. then he asked what was we getting ready to do. i said i am trying to figure out what to have for dinner i said i really dont want to cook and i am craving the olive garden but i dont have the extra money for it. he said go get it and he will give me the money tomorrow when i see him.
i said okay and thanks and then we said goodbye and hung up.
then it me i didnt know that i was seeing him tomorrow. so that must mean that he is going to stop by.
i wonder if i will see 3 days in a row with him as his good self i know that is in there or will i see DH again?

i hope this is a turning point for him. i do miss him dearly but i cant let that show all the time. i dont want him to think he can do what ever he wants to me and i will be there. so i am trying to mantain my strong attitude with just breif answers to any questions that he asks. so i am hoping that will draw in closer to me.
any suggestions would help me out alot on this if this is really a second chance for us again. i know she will have to be completely out of the picture.
i know there is only 2 weeks of school left so i am thinking if she moves it will be after that so i am watching closly and not trying to get my hopes up to high because i know she moves in and out all the time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You just have to hang in there and realize that most husbands do come back to their families. Sounds like there may be trouble in paradise. You are doing fine, continue on, and have hope.

it is so hard to try to keep hope. yeah he is has been different but like i said he can change come tomorrow and be back to DH. i try not to put too much thought into his words i am looking at his actions and what he is doing. that tells me the truth about him.
i know saturday night i had took my daughter and her friend to the drive in. they of course had the back seat laid down and they were comforable and i of course couldnt even get that way because of them but i still enjoyed the movie. well any way Dh was texting my daughter. and he ask her what was she doing.
she told him that we were at the drive in watching Spiderman 3 and then Ghost RIder followed it. he text her saying "miss you all!" so she texted back and ask what did he mean by "you all" he text saying you know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
she said mom dad has finally lost his mind. what was that about? i said i have know idea but i think he does miss us and what we did together as a family. because we always went to the drive in. we loved it. it was our family night. alot of times we all would be zonked out by the end of the 2nd movie but we had fun. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
maybe he knows that he cant have that kind of atomsphere with her and her kids. earlier that day we (my mom, daughter, and i) went to one of our favorite amish resturant to eat. and my daughter told him that and he said he wished that he could have went.


please help me not to read too much into this. i know i shouldnt but my heart wants me to. i have been praying alot over the past couple of days i want this to start for him to really look what he had and what he is missing every day he is with OW. that he will never have that with her..
please you guys keep me in your prayers and hopefully i will have mostly good news to report later.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
hugz to you all
bsj220

This is a good sign. Be happy when the WS is miserable. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> WHAT?!?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Well, we want the Ws to be off balanced and miserable. That helps them end their A and it not be your fault.

L.

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

i know that i have to watch his actions and words dont mean a thing. i also know that i cant give up on my recovery either. i dont want to go back to the way i was feeling when all of this first started. i know it is only 2 days i have to keep myself even more busier than before.
i can really use the extra thoughts in you guys prayers for me. i hope that this isnt just another emotional jolt from him.
prayers and hugs to each of you!!!
thanks for all the advice. i dont know why i always second guess myself..
later.......

b,
what's your plan????

are you guys sitting down for this? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
OW called me today. to tell me she moved out. Why? i have no idea. she said that she is concerned with his health and that she knew i would make sure he would take his medicine.
then she went on to say she was sorry for destroying my family and that she still loves him but she knows he is not happy with her. she said all they do is fight( what a surprise!) and she cant trust him when it comes to me and blah blah blah!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
i told her i hope she was not calling to get pity from me because she wont get it. and reap what you sow so now she has to deal with the situation. then she said well i know you hate and i would hate myself if i was you as well.(i responded with silence yeah can you hear those crickets chirping!!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
she said she told him that he would have to get a divorce from me in order for her to come back and maybe she said that DH and i could work things out because she said i made him happy!(what happen to she was everything that he needed!)she said the only thing that she wanted from me was to let her know if we work it out and she would stay away.(yeah right!!!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
can you believe that !
why do i get these calls!!!!!!

i thought it was strange this morning when i came home from work there is Dh. he was bringing over the powerwasher that i ask to borrow 3 weeks ago.
he said here is the powerwasher he said i know that you said you wanted to borrow it. i said thanks i thought you forgot about it so i didnt bother to ask you anymore.
he said i just have had alot on my mind. i said i guess you probably do.

later on when i picked my daughter up from school she said that her dad had texted and he wanted to know if i could bring down to the store he got some that she might like and he wanted to know if she wanted it.
so we get down there and he got a nice computer chair brand new. so she said she wanted it so he said he would drop it off once he closed so he could pickup the powerwasher too.

then he just looked at both of us and shook his head. i said what? he said nothing. he got real quiet and then he said you know i cried all day yesterday i said about what. he said i had to let her have my dog.(the puppy he got for his birthday remember) i said why. he said there would not be no one home and i didnt want him cooped up the whole time. he said i didnt think it was fair to him. i said well i am sure it is not over between you guys yet. she will be back.
he said i kicked her out i dont want her back( whatever i know that he will be having withdrawals from her) i said that his your decsion to make. so we left the store. so when he came to pick up the powerwasher and drop off the chair i just sorta made sure i was busy in the backyard..
my daughter said after he left "mom why didnt you come in and talk to dad?" i told her that her dad needed some soul searching to do.
i just dont think he can do that with me there.


so it was a weird day i mean yeah i wished that he was calling and begging me to forgive him and take him back but i know he still is contacting her so she said. so i just have to stand back and just let it play out.
right? i mean what should i do? i have mind boggled all day about this. just when i thought i was getting my mind straight about things this happens! why?
gosh i feel so crazy!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

b,
Can you see the BIG smile on my face????? Gosh, I wish you could. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

First, I'd like to say that OW CANNOT expect anything from you...............duh, what's that about??? (she wants a call from your side if your marriage is working out or not and then she'll stay away <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />)

It seems that the affair has died a "Natural Death".......I've read that this is the BEST thing that can happen, when it comes to affairs. Your WS has seen OW "True Colors". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I personally can't say "why" you got that call....but I wouldn't put too much importance into that. OW doesn't want to appear to be the "Bad Guy", I guess. Does anyone really care???? I don't think so.........This is what happens when you're a OW and it hardly ever works out.

b, I think it's VERY important for YOU to sit down NOW and think about your whole situation.

What plan do you have??? Your WS is "coming around" and it seems that he does want YOU...............
How should this happen??
How do YOU want this to work out????
What are YOUR expectations??
What do YOU expect from your WS???

You have shown so much strength and power b, don't forget that!!!!!

If he simply slides back into your life again without putting in effort, this will not make you happy, long-termed.

I think it was great that you didn't go in the house to talk with your WS............but that you kept busy outside.
This even got your daughter thinking. She'll probably question you alot about your reactions, but this is ok. She's never been in your shoes and you KNOW what you are doing.
(well, at least you know that your backed-off behaviour is pulling your WS "towards you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)

It's strange when I think about it but true......the more you back-off from certain people, the more interested they seem to get. Just one example: My MIL pressured me for over 30years........the day came and I had enough, I just couldn't take it anymore, so I have backed off completely.

Now she's going NUTS and I've never before heard so many compliments from her, but it just just doesn't matter to me anymore.......... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I'm always friendly to her when we see each other but I'm always VERY busy and the more I'm busy, the more she wants to see me.

This might be a stupid example........sorry.

No matter what...............don't expect too much, too soon. It hardly ever happens. I'd take this very slowly and I wouldn't trust WS right now. Both OW & WS are probably going to be going through "withdrawel".........be aware of this.
Get youself some books: His Needs Her Needs, Surviving an affair.........there are lots of them and BOY did they help me.

A REAL BIg CYBER HUG FOM ME
bb

i know i have to take it slow and watch his actions and see how long this will last.she even told me herself that she has moved in and out 6 times since they have been together. (least than a year)
but i have a confession on my way to work i drove past his house to see if her car was there. (mind you its 11pm at night) NO Car! i know she can be there bright and early in the morning.
i know he has to work it out on his own so i know i have to stay my distance but then i worry if i stay too distant that he will feel that i lost all feeling for him.
my mil told me that she had to go over to the house while OW got her things.(i guess he already changed the locks!) i guess she has a few items left but not that much just pictures.well that is what my mil told me.
she wants us to get back together. but i told her that it is too soon to think about that. he is not over her yet.

i know that he is still having some kind of contact with her. because i know for a fact she had called the store because his cousin told me. but he did say that Dh told him he didnt want to talk to her today.
maybe i should be happy he spoke to me huh?

yes i hope this is the end of them. she cant say i did it. i didnt bother them at all.
maybe i will try to find that book at the library. i hate to buy it and by the time i get it they will be back together.

do i just keep doing what i have been doing?
i know i do need to check up on him with his meds to make sure he is taking them. i guess his blood sugar monitor was broke for a while because he told me she got mad last week and slammed down and it cracked to screen. so i did called the doctor to have them to get him another one.
i dont want to seem to overbearing but i know he needs it.

oh by the way OW may certain that she told me that Dh said he would not come back to me. now whether that was his words or hers i dont know.
i dont know about anything. when i got to work tonight i sat out in my car for a few minutes and held my face in my hands and prayed.
i told God that everything that has happen in my life has a purpose. i may not know at the time the reason but there is always one. whether this is the one to see if we really belong together or to see we are better off apart i just prayed that he would guide me thru this...

i do have to say i did not feel as tensed.

i cant wait to go home and soak in the bathtub that always helps me clear my mind and relax...
hopefully the days will keep getting better.

oh by the way OW may certain that she told me that Dh said he would not come back to me. now whether that was his words or hers i dont know.

sorry, I don't understand this one????

I'd say, you keep on doing what you have been doing. You live your life!!!!

i know i do need to check up on him with his meds to make sure he is taking them. i guess his blood sugar monitor was broke for a while because he told me she got mad last week and slammed down and it cracked to screen. so i did called the doctor to have them to get him another one.

I don't quit understand you with this one.........WHY do you feel that YOU have to check up on him??? He might have to learn to take over responsibility for his own health and NOT to seek "pampering" from others all the time. He is responsible for HIS health.

I just wanted to explain, why, I think this way.

Years..........many years, my husband always acted like a little boy when it came to his health. (as if I was a doctor) When he was having his affair ( I wasn't aware of this) he had great health problems. xOW did everything possible (as he said) she phoned all over the place and she required where he could get help.
This was a BIG deal between them and it must of been a BIG emotional need of my husband at that time.
He just didn't realize that he was a grown-up man and all he really needed to do was to go to the doctors, instead of talking about it all the time.

Anyways, many years later............my huband has taken over responsibility for his health. We do talk about it but very rarely & short...........I tell him that I care about him and that I'm worried and that I feel for him and yet, he now knows that it is up to HIM to go to the doctors and he'll get Help.

He no longer reacts like a little boy, not capable to look after himself...........He's grown up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'd say that in our situation, my husband got involved with this OW because he was immature and not willing to grow up. He was looking for something that was missing within himself and he wasn't willing to make changes from his side.

Now many years later and many "boundaries & changes" from my side made it possible for him to grow up a take resposnibilty.

He has learned to take care of business stuff, tax isssues, he now buys our cars, does bank stuff, goes to his doctor regularely without me reminding him, makes appointments and and and.................this was NEVER the case before. I did everything. I was so overloaded with responsibilities that he wasn't even aware of them.

It was up to me to say NO and to hand over the deeds to him. I did this very friendly and loving. I didn't pressure.........I just made him aware that I really needed him to help me.

Every step he made to take over responsibilty, I showed him admiration and this must of been the key...........he loves being admired! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So enough of my babble. Stay on track, b!!! You're doing GREAT and I truely admire you and your strength. You're a real classy woman!!

bb

BUMP ( I don't wanna loose you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />)

Sounds very promising!!! Now watch his ACTIONS. Make it safe for him to tell you how he is feeling. Start thinking about what you need from him before the two of you get back together.