i dont know.
today no. because i want to talk to him so bad and see him. but i know that i cant. i have to get back to my zone.
if it was befoe all this happened i was going in that directio then they split up and i was falling into the hope that we would get back to gether.

i know everything has a reason and maybe this set back was to show me what i need to do. let him be. i just dont know how. maybe i should talk to attorney but i dont have the money to get anything started. i know that OW will be pressuring him to divorce me even more than before.
i just dont get it if he wants to be with her why wouldnt he divorce me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
i have read so many posts that dh's done that immediatly on leaving but he hasnt. i know i want answers to something that really dont have answers to. i just dont like feeling like this. not as bad as d-day but close to it..

now i have to work on rebuilding my strength all over again.
i just feel really down.....

b,

maybe "everything" has a reason...........well this might be a fact for many things but I DON'T think this way when it comes to affairs!!!!!

I've been here for plenty of years, b and I've read it over and over again...........affairs sorta have patterns.

If you are wise and if you are able to see the pattern in your situation, you can indeed, have a great influence on the outcome!!!!!!!

Things will NOT simply happen because God wants them to. (sorry but this is my opinion)

You can take controll of your life and your behaviour can very well influence his actions..............

It's NOT about changing HIM..........it's about changing YOU!!!

You are taking what you are getting................with the hope that the whole situation is just going to change and he'll be running into your arms and you'll live happily ever after.............sorry, b............I don't want to sound harsch. It is just that affairs are so confusing and painfull. They are so frustrating........... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

maybe i should talk to attorney but i dont have the money to get anything started
how about asking your WS the next time to give you $$$$ so that you can get the next step started!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Give him a dash of reality and give him a dash of where he is heading to!!!! You can do this, b!!!! You can do this in a loving, friendly and very classy way..........if he gets mad..............well..........what does he expect????

bb

i just might do that. but that involves me talking to him. my birthday is this week maybe i will tell i want a divorce for my birthday present.

i know after our conversion saturday morning he must have been in a down mood because my sil called that night to babysit my nephew and she told me she seen dh and he looked and sounded down. i guess my fil laid into him over ow and stated to him that she has done nothing but ran home to her husband every time things get bad. and she goes down there every day as well to send the kids off to school. so how do you know she hasnt been playing you. dh said he dont. fil said you better get your head and heart in sync before you lose something that you will regret forever.
dh said i know.
that is all that my sil told me about that.
i guess i will wait a couple of days and see how i feel and call and tell him to call dn ( the family attorney) and see if we can get things started so he can go on with his new life...

i cant wait to go home today and take a long hot bath.
i need to soak for awhile that gives me time to think and clear my mind.

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

bumping

can i have one day without drama?

today my daughter told me that she texted ow about her kids( i hated hearing this because i feel like i am being betrayed by my daughter when did it)
she said that ow texted her back saying that her and her kids is not speaking right now because of dh. that her kids are mad that she moved back in. she also said that her son wont move back in with her and dh either.
i guess my daughter asked why was they mad and she said that dh is to mean to them and he dont want them to touch his personal items.(collectibles,cds,etc)
so now my daughter is mad at her dad over what ow told her.
so me and my daughter had words tonight. i told her that ow should have never told you that information. that is something she should have kept to herself. i said she is trying to pull you in to feeling sorry for her and her kids that they are perfect and dont do anything wrong.
i said there is alot of things that i dont tell about your dad because it is between me and him. it has nothing to do with you.
then she was saying that well mom dad shouldnt act like that towards her kids and this and that. i told her that was none of her business what goes on in their house when she is not there.i told her she should text ow anyway all she will do is use it later.
i said you dont have enough experience to know that she is just acting like your friend and buddy to get what she want out of you.
she said mom i am not doing nothing. i said oh really i said what about getting mad at your dad over her kids? i said that is just a mind game and she wants you to get mad at him so she can get you out of the picture.
she said mom i dont think she would do that. i said oh why would a 33 year old tell a 16 year old things that dont concern her? unless there is a reason for it.
fine you ask her about her kids she could have told you that they are okay and just dealing with some issues and hope to have it worked out but no she didnt! instead she went into detail about her problems! (by this time i was boiling mad)
i said she needs to grow up! stop trying to get pity from anybody she can!
i told my daughter i said dont text her no more tell things settle down. i said you want to know about her kids i said talk to them by email or myspace but no more by her.
i said if you cant do that then maybe you dont need your phone!
of course that got her mad. i went up stairs because i was fuming. i let her sit down there and think(hopefully for awhile)about what i said. then about 20 minutes later i asked her if she wanted to walk the dogs with me. and she said yea so we did that. i didnt mention that no more tonight.
i called my sil up and told her what had happen and she was MAD! i said i want to call dh up and tell him but it would seem like that i am being bitter about everything. she said let me handle this one. she said she would call my daughter and let her tell sil what happen that way it didnt come from me.
so i am sure tomorrow is going to be drama as well.
i was so mad today i swear i wanted to go and just beat ow to a pulp. for what she is trying to do. she messed up her kids she sure isnt going to mess up mine!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

i had a talk with dh today about it. we talked normal no fighting no yelling. i told him what was going on. he said he wondered why ow was telling this and that things just out of the blue. that our daughter had said some hurtful because she was mad.
i told him that i told our daughter to not to contact ow no more. she can get the number to ow's husbands house and talk to them herself.
i told him that ow needs to work on her kids relationship and leave our daughter to us. she dont need no more tension then what there is already.
he said he fully understand and that he was going to talk to ow tonight.
he said he dont know what is going on but he knows that some info should not be said. because i had told him some things that ow told our daughter and i would have never known otherwise.
i told him i was very upset over this and i almost came over and knocked on his door. but i decided to let myself calm down and put some more thought into the situation. i said i want us to be able to solve this. we are her parents and that we can come to a decsion together about what is the best way to approach it.
he said he knows that i have every right to be angry because he said he knows how i could have told alot of things to our daughter but i kept alot to myself.
i said that is my job to protect her.
i said whether we are together or apart she still needs a good relationship with her dad and i dont want to see someone else to destroy that because of jealousy.
he said he was going home to talk to ow tonight and that if she dont like what he says she can leave.

he also told me that he told ow that he dont care if her or son comes back.( this was something that was brought up in the conversion) he said ow was the one calling everyone looking for pity.
i am thinking to myself that was not that long of a makeup session between them it sounds like it is rocky again!
oh well! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

dh called me and said that he talked to ow and told her that she dont need to be texting our daughter bout their problems. she has enough on her own and she doesnt need anymore added to it.

it makes me so mad that this woman thinks she can just waltz in and do however she pleases.

maybe i am just letting so much build up inside of me then when i burst it will be a big relief. the past month has been nothing but headaches and heartaches. it has been a time which i have really deeply missed him. there was easter, my daughters birthday, our aniversary, mothers day and now my birthday. i have been so down.
dh said you know what tomorrow is dont you? duh? it my birthday! he said you dont seem happy about it. i said it is just another day. besides i dont have much happiness in me right now.
why would he still care about my birthday? he didnt care about our aniversary. yes he did wish me happy aniversary and kissed me on the cheek but in my mind i kept thinking was he going to have sex with her that night of all nights.

probably if she knew it was i am sure that she would have done it.
sometimes i just want to go and put a mark on him just to prove that her claws isnt that deep and he will still stray from her. i know that isnt part of the healing process. but i do miss kissing and hugging someone and just feeling loved. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
sorry just a down day. birthday are suppose to be happy and i am one hour into mine and i am already crying my eyes out!

bb?

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

sorry i didnt have a chance to read your response till now.
i thought i would tell you about my day today.
dh called me 3 times and sang happy birthday to me on the phone.
i went today and got my tattoo colored in ( my dh name no longer shows) while i was gone he dropped off a card at the house. once i got home my mom said dh dropped this off to you.
i opened it was a birthday card with no signature and inside was a gift card to one of jewelry places in a nearby mall. i about fell over when i flipped it over and read the amount on it. 400$ what the heck? i thought it was a mistake.
so i called dh and thanked him for the card and i ask him how much is on this gift card ? he said what does it say? i said it looks like it says 400$ but i think they wrote it wrong. he said no it is right. he said i wanted you to be able to pick out something really nice and i know what you have been wanting ( white gold chain) and he said you should be able to get a nice one with that.
i didnt know what to say expect thanks. he said you didnt think i wouldnt get you something would you? i said i was not expecting anything.
i said well i better go i have alot of errands to do. but thanks again for the gift.
why would this man spend 400 on a gift card on me?
isnt that crazy? i am certainly not going to give it back for ow to spend that is for sure. i might go and get me and my daughter matching pieces of jewelry with it.

i know what you mean by getting a plan together. now since all of those days passed i can start my mind in direction i want to pursue.
it is such a crazy situation. i just dont know why if he wants to be with her why wouldnt he wont closure with us/
i know i cant get in his mind if so i would like dust it out that is for sure.
thank you for thinking of me today. it was okay day. but to tell you the truth i would have been just as happy to hide from the world today.
i know that is not good on the healing of me but that is just the way i feel right now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
hugs

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

i have had coversations with wh for the past couple of months about if he wants to end this marriage.
he kepts telling me no. we have been separated for almost a year now and he is still leaving with OW. which by the way has not divorced her husband yet either.
ow wants him to divorce me and he even told her that he wasnt. she told him he had to the end of july to divorce me or she is leaving again.
i told him if he is happy then he needs to do that so he can move on and so can i. he said he isnt but i told him that he wouldnt be there if he wasnt. he said is not as you think it is.
i just dont know what to do. he knows i dont have the money to start the procedings and he wont start them.
i really want to save this marriage but how can i? i just stay confused about my feelings toward him everyday.
is that normal?
am i wasting time on something that may never happen?

bump

Sounds to me like the affair is crumbling but as long as he can get his needs met in 2 places, he has no motivation to end his affair. The OW is probably lovebusting him to death. If he can't run to you for solace, it will make his affair crumble much faster. Why not go into Plan B?

It is GREAT that the OW is giving him deadlines. I'm sure she is lovebusting like crazy. I agree with the above poster, start preparing for Plan B. You are meeting too many of his needs. You need to "disappear" from his life and let the OW meet all of his needs.

i know that i need to do something. i was reading the thread that flameout wrote. he was the one who had the affair and even though it might seem that everything is fine that he had a lot of guilt in him.
my wh tells me that he knows what is doing is wrong and he dont know why. i have ask for divorce numerous times and he said that he dont want that. i told him that we cant go on like we have been. i am working 60+ hours a week to pays bills and to have some kind of money to spend. and i am coming home to be alone while she works part time and he pays the bills in their house and what money she makes she said she has to pay bills that she has with her husband. it makes me ill.
i told him that i dont think he loves me if he did he wouldnt be putting me in limbo. if he wants to be with her that he needs to put closure to us. he tells me that it is not easy for him and he lays awake at night thinking about how much he is hurting me and he dont want to divorce me.

i know i will have to be strong and go to plan b. i feel if i do than i am giving in to OW that if he isnt reminded of me every so oftem that all is lost. maybe i should tell him that i have decided to go and file for child support to get things in place. things have been going on too long and you dont seem to want to change them.


i am so confused and isnt getting any better with time. i still hurt and i still love him the same.
does anyone know what i am talking about?

Yeah, your husband says that he doesn't want to hurt you, he knows it is wrong, blah, blah, blah. He is basically eating cake, getting the best of both worlds. I would file for child support for sure. He needs a wake up call.

Then go to Plan B.

my daughter just called me to let me know that she was home. she had stayed the night at my sister in law. she told me about a big fight that broke out between her, grandma, grandpa, and my sister in law.
wh hasnt called or contacted our daughter since the first of july. she said that her and her grandma and her aunt(sil)was talking about it at the table. my daughter said that she dont care if he ever calls her again that she hates him and ow they are fags( u know how teenagers talk). she said her grandpa jumped up and said dont you talk about my son that way. your mother brainwashed you to say that. so D (daughter) said i have a mind of my own i am 16 years old and no one has to brainwash me into anything. i put my own thoughts together.and besides he hasnt tried to call me or talk to me. then her grandpa called D a liar. and started yelling at her. then her grandma jumped in yelling at her grandpa. then her grandpa told D to get out of the house. then my sil jumped in saying it is her house and if he dont like he needs to leave.
so all of them was arguing. i had called D and i heard the yelling but i didnt know what was going on. if i had known i would have picked her up.
D told me that her grandpa got mad and left then called the house and told her grandma to tell D that he is sorry.
of course that didnt go over well.
then my sil was going to go over to WH and ow house and beat up OW. for starting this.
now my D is sitting at home with this on her mind. i try to get Wh to call her. he said that she hung up on him. i told him that he needed to be the adult. he needs to get it straighten out before something bad will happen then he will regret it.
now how can i create peace for D if she feels that her family is turning her back on her(grandpa). she feels like she is being rejected. if it wasnt bad enought with WH and OW now her grandpa.
i just dont know what to do......
any advice