ok she didnt comit adultery yet... not even a kiss she said but calling him on the phone i think is the first step...
She may not be involved in a physical affair yet, but she is involved in an emotional affair. In my book any kind of affair which she is ready to abandon your marriage is the same. Just harder to break up affairs when they have progressed to bieng physical.
just her telling me she has feelings for someone else is enough for me.... I think I am done...
Please read SAA before you decide you are done, or better yet, read SAA and call to make an appointment with the Harleys.
I educated myself quite well over the last 2 weeks over the internet and I try to relay the info to her and she doesnt want anything to do with it.....
This, my friend, is a Disrespectful Judgement, in my opinion the most isidious of the LB, because you actually believe that you are doing her a favor by "straightening her out". I am a DJ master, errrr or was still have to keep an eye on that. Don'y try to manipulate or modify her behavior...focus on modifying your behavior. See below for Mr. Wonderings list of Do's and Don'ts, reviewing these every day or several times a day helped me develop good habits for plan a and remove bad habits
oh ya i would do anything for my kids and what kills me the most is I asked her to make sure this is 100% what she wants and is she ready to let someone else into our 6yr old life.... she said he will have to get use to it!!! I say what a ******!!
Plan A is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. It is not rewarding while you do it and it goes against your pride and ego. But when you gain the perspective of hindsight, you will feel the power of knowing that YOU held back the tide of the inevitable by an act of will.
DOs
1. Act Happy
2. Get a life (new activities, etc.)
3. repeat over and over..."I will make it"
4. Actively LISTEN....keep conversations at "to the point...small talk" ...don't blow it up beyond the waywards current comfort zone
5. Tend to Agree (Thank you for your truthfulness, It seems that way, you have a point)
6. Expand your social relationships (Being especially aware of your own vulnerability and keeping sharing and time with opposite sex relationships to an absolute minimum)
7. Get sexy (gym, new clothes, etc)
8. Focus on your strengths and Positives...don't put yourself down verbally or constantly go over what you did wrong
9. Accept Uncertainty (Do your best today and let God take care of tommorrow)
DON'Ts
1. Repeatedly say "I love you"
2. Ask questions that don't have answers yet
3. Criticize, complain, whine or nag
4. Say, "I've changed"....allow the wayward spouse to simply judge your actions
5. Argue, Reason or Plead
6. Don't get family or friends overly involved in recovery (notice I said "in recovery", EXPOSURE to bust up an active affair IS ESSENTIAL and EXPOSURE to the OP's spouse is an absolute MUST)
7. Act helpless or depressed
8. Discuss morality, invoke God or Dr. Laura type babble
9. Suggest marital counseling (must be the waywards idea)
10. Tell them continually "we need to work on the relationship"
11. GIVE UP