Hope this helps. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Intermediaries and their role:


Steve Harley, regarding intermediaries:

1. Intermediaries act as "SPAM filters", allowing only communication that fits the boundaries set forth in Plan B to be passed on to protect the BS.

They do not share any other info the WS sends.


2. They remain neutral...just a messenger sending info on, no reactions.

3. If WS sends something inappropriate, they thank him/her for the communication, but let WS know it will not be shared and refer him/her back to the PBL.

4. If WS tries to contact the BS any other way, the intermediaries will indicate BS has not opened/listened to whatever it is, and refer WS back to them for all communication.

The key here is to be very consistent and not allow the WS to push the boundary.

Threats RE: "harassment" from intermediaries


An attorney said that to get a restraining order, there would have to be an inordinate amount of contact from intermediaries (tons of e-mail from them) and/or rude or abrasive language/opinions, etc.

The attorney said the judge would not love this method of communication (through intermediaries), but that attys get paid for it all the time (so, it is not that unusual)

It is recommended that the BS should document the reason for the intermediaries, that there is concern that the situation is too volatile emotionally and that this is in the best interest of the kids to keep their environment civil and create as few hard feelings as possible as the WS/BS will be co-parenting for many years to come, regardless of the outcome of their M. Could even say, on the advice of your personal counselor (if you have SH or an MB counselor) that this is being done.

If a WS continues to refuse contact, the intermediaries could ask for WS's atty's info and communicate through the atty. So the WS would have to pay his/her atty to hear from the BS. And, of course the goal is to maintain civility and not cost each other a lot of unnecessary expenditures on attys communcating for both parties.

Thank you, Neak! Today was a great learning experience, and I came through it fine, and a little wiser.

So do you think GF's reply was on point with the above?

Thanks for the communication. Much of this information does not need to be forwarded to LS.

In the future, please limit your communication to critical items. If you have an emergency, important information regarding the welfare of the boys or their schedule, or if you would like to be in contact with LS regarding the conditions of her letter, then feel free to contact me.

You do not need to apologize to me; I think your apologies are better suited for others.

I would do anything for LS, even this.

Although he didn't say anything "inappropriate," it was the tone that my hyper-sensitive brain found offensive. An implication here, a little micro-managing there...ugh. I didn't want him to get the impression that was going to fly. Is that just being vengeful? It feels a little more like boundary setting, but sometimes I get confused... ???

I'll forward the rest of you "job description" to GF. Thank you again!!

LS

I think what your friend did was fine, throwing down the gauntlet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

After this, though, she needs to be all business. All she is, is a conduit of emotionless information, and only when it is important.

Strictly business.

You will find that you become more and more sensitive to overtones, which is why you have been recommended to avoid them. Anything further spiteful, even if it is quite tiny, that you find out will just deplete your bank even further.

^