My fiance and I have been apart most of our engagment. He was going to the same school as me but dropped out to to go into a trade...the two years we have been enaged have been very hard. The only reason we have waited for so long is because we both had schooling that needed to be finished.

I just found out yesterday that he may have slept with someone else...I am heartbroken and I don't know what to do. He got very drunk and passed out and doesn't know if he did anything or not. He just woke up next to some girl and didn't tell me until almost a week later. The big problem is that we are getting married in 2 months and I don't know what to do. I love him and I want to move forward but I have a very hard time getting pass things and forgetting them. I am horrible but bringing up his past mistakes when we fight and I know that I can't do that if we get married...if I do it we'll never be happy and our marriage won't survive. Am I crazy for wanting to solve things? How can I just "forget"? I want to so badly...anything I think of him with her, I mentally push the thought down to my feet and imagine that I am stomping on those thoughts. Crazy I know. Please any help from others who have gone through this sorta thing would be helpful. I am a very christian person and I want to be able to forgive and move on.
-T.

P.s. I should mention that he is very hurt and angry with himself. This is not who he normally is. Drinking mixed with drugs to help his depression really messed him up...that is not any excuse, as he has told me over and over that he has no excuse. He has fully owned up to his mistake and is just as broken about as I am.

Hello novagillis,

Welcome to MB.

I'm not sure how old you both are but I would slam on the brakes now and hold off on the wedding.

Now I know that may not be what you want to hear.When things like this happen,you start thinking about all the invitations having gone out,your cake and dress may have already been ordered,you might feel embarrassed.But this is YOUR LIFE. None of that other stuff matters right now because you have some major problems to deal with that marriage will only amplify,NOT solve.You are right to have reservations.

This is what you are contending with:
-possible cheating
-alcohol
-drugs
-poor decision making
-depression
-too much time spent apart and not growing together

And you aren't even married yet.What's everything going to look like 10 years from now?

Listen,I can appreciate that you want to sweep all this away and forget and that you love your fiance.But that's not enough.You have some serious issues here.Not to mention I am a big proponent of education.Waiting to get married until you have your degrees was one smart thing you did.Actually,are you talking about high shcool or college?

Owning up to mistakes made is positive but all the more reason right now to wait and see if his actions speak louder than words.Also,anyone that would cheat on you even before marriage is not someone I would encourage you to be with.That kind of behavior alone is worth a long time in counseling.

Think it over.

novagillis, AmericanBeauty is right that you have some serious concerns that need to be dealt with, especially the drinking and depression that requires medication.

That your beau told you of his own accord and has sincere remorse for his actions is a very encouraging sign. It means that he may be more inclined to get the help he needs to not drink - if he drinks to the point that he can't recall whether he did or did not do a thing, he has a problem and should cut alcohol out of his life forever. In his case, "forsaking all others" should mean forsaking alcohol as well.

Marrying someone who has problems with depression won't cure depression; he needs to get to the root of that and get is treated such that he doesn't require medication to regulate it. That won't be easy and it won't happen in two months.

It's perfectly fine to tell him how much you love him and believe him when he says he loves you. If you truly love one another, help him do what his love for you demands - no more alcohol and get real treatment for the depression that results in not needing medication. Be with him through those difficult changes.

As for the possible cheating, if it happened, it can't unhappen no matter how much the two of you would love to find a way to make it. Neither of you will ever forget, but with love and grace, perhaps you can both learn to forgive.