I posted this on D&D because that's kind of where I'm at now. I decided to repost in my old familiar haunt of GQ as an update.

My divorce was final as of the end of January. The day passed uneventfully as the paperwork sat on the County Clerk's desk for a week. I marked the occasion with a mental health day from work. I spent a few nights sipping through the excellent bottle of champagne I bought 2 1/2 years ago. At the time, I decided to keep it in the cooler until either our marriage recovered or we divorced. Unfortunately, it was the later.

I did well in the divorce. It really helps to have a really good lawyer. I feel comfortable and I certainly sleep a lot better at night. I can be civil but I can't be his friend and I certainly don't want him on my turf.

Slimeball OW is still in the picture. Who knows how much. I think she wants more than he does. XH has introduced her to one of our sons. XH took OW to one of DS's band gigs. He introduced slimeball to him just moments before DS was suppose to start playing. Talk about breaking a musician's focus.

Now, my XH is trying to buy back the life he threw away. First, he's trying to put an offer down on a house in our...MY...small town. It's not like there aren't other areas nearby with nicer, cheaper houses. Now, he has purchased a new puppy of the same breed as our original dogs. We're talking a breed that is general not found in pet shops and takes some searching to find.

He says he just wants to be close to us (DD and me (yew))and wants that kind of dog. Of course, it doesn't matter what anybody else wants. It only matter what HE wants. XH doesn't quite understand why his boys just aren't happy about this new house. I sure don't want slimeball driving through my neighborhood.

It makes me angry that I fall for his set ups. He told DD not to tell me anything because "your mom might get angry." Then, he makes sure that I know about it right it front of her. Just a clue is all I ask. That and a few moments to adjust and accept. Is he Passive-agressive or just a jerk?

I think the man is sick and needs serious psychiatric help.

I still mourn my marriage. At this point, I'm glad we're divorced. However, I don't regret any of the time I spent trying to save our marriage.

He drives me mad! Little does he know that the house he thinks he wants is just around the corner from my lawyer...

Struggling for perspective.

Grapegirl,

Thank you for the update on your story.

I dont spend much time here anymore, but do a drive-by now and again, and occasionally, I look up those who's situations unfolded at the same time as my own.

Congratulations on the close of this saga and on your courageous character throughout. I agree you should be proud of the way you handled yourself!

In a divorce with children--there is a life long link. Now it seems your challenge may be handling that link without letting it become an anchor to life-long anger and resentment.

They say time heals all wounds. Hopefully with time, you will learn of his house-and-puppy-buying-activities, and simply, and sincerely, shrug and move on about the new, and no doubt rewarding, chapter in your changed life.

Good luck to you in your new adventures! I hope they bring you peace and personal happiness.

Ahuman

Well, GG, he'll never be able to buy back what he lost. You were the designer goods, the real thing! OW is the cheap fake replacement. Looks quite good on the outside but the workmanship is pretty grotty and they fall apart very easily.(I live in Asia - it's full of fake goods here!)

Take care. The kids will always connect you but I'm sure as time goes by you won't really care so much what he's up to. Glad you got a good settlement. TT