AAAugh!<P> 2 year marriage in deep trouble, rocky from the start and getting rockier. Some of the things that hurt me, please just let me know whether I'm off my rocker or not:<P> My husband uses porn. A lot. About 2 hours a day when I'm in town, more when I'm out of town. Our sex life is pretty boring, 2x week, but always exactly the same. I feel rather like one of his sex toys a lot of the time. I have always feared that this would escalate, and it has. Some of it may well be in my head, some may not. <P> The porn, itself, isn't too bad, mostly Playboy-style. The problem is, what turns him on is large-breasted nasty women. My breasts are not large. I don't think I'm particularly nasty either. Two things, here. It doesn't do a whole lot for my self-esteem, and, furthermore, if that's what excites him, why, in God's name, did he marry me?<P> He has tried and failed to stop with the porn. We've been to see counselors about this problem. The last conversation that we had regarding this, he told me that I just have to "get off his back about the porn".<P> The escalation is that, now, he freely ogles other women when I'm around. (There's a difference between looking at a woman and looking at a woman with that "I want some of that" look on your face.) He didn't used to do that. When I said something about it, a huge fight erupted. <P> Some more escalation is that *someone* has been searching the Women Seeking Men Personals on our computer. Wasn't me. <P> Some more escalation is that a woman has called our home asking for him. In fairness, our home phone is on his business card. I didn't get the feeling that this B***** person was calling for business reasons. This was followed by innumerable hang-up calls, that went on for several weeks. As soon as I told him that we were getting caller-id, the calls stopped. I asked who B***** was, he blew his top and told me that he doesn't know any B*****. Thing is, her name & number are in his daytimer.<P> We don't negotiate well. H@ll, we don't negotiate at all. We fight. When we fight, things get very, very, nasty. I can't seem to forget that he thinks that I'm a "Stupid, Crazy,Dirty, Sl#tty B##ch". <P> I've gotten to the point that I don't say anything about anything. It'll just turn into a fight. I feel very disposable.<P> I don't know if I love him anymore. It sure hurts a lot though.<P> I've worked very hard not to "Love-Bust". I've worked very hard to keep the house clean, put good meals on the table, bring home a good income, be a recreational partner, be an attractive spouse. It just seems like it's not enough. And I feel very very lost.<P> So, am I off my rocker, or what???<P> <BR>

You are not "off your rocker" - your life sounds miserable. Obviously your marriage needs some major work. Have you told your H when he "oogles" other women when you are with him it is disrespectful and hurtful? All his attention should be focused on YOU when you are out together. I don't know what to say about the porn thing - you probably have better ideas about this as you said you've both had counseling about it. My big concern is the computer search for "women seeking men" and what seems to be a total breakdown in communication. Keeping the house clean, cooking nice meals etc. will not do the trick. (My H totally hated it when I would do that stuff to smooth things over) Sorry to say but I think you need to calmly tell your H (or write him a nice letter so there is no yelling) that you two have some big communication problems that are fixable but you really need the help of a professional therapist. Acknowlege you both play a role in this. Tell him how much you love him (even if right now you are not sure) and ask if he would be willing to go to weekly therapy for awhile.

No disrespect but he doesn't sound like a very good person. Both partners need "something" It sounds as if you are trying your best to meet his needs and he's trying his best to meet his needs.<P>But wait that's not fair! No it's not, that's why you've got this problem. Counseling may help, therapy, whatever.<P>As far as your self esteem goes, you've said nothing that would lead me to believe you deserve what you are getting. Work on building this up. Do things for you, not for him. Once you start feeling better about yourself he'll either see the light...or you will.

We were getting hang up calls at our house too. I told my husband about it. He played very stupid, and said I wonder who it is... I wish there was a way to catch them....<P>So, I told him, you know - it's funny, the hang up calls even went to where we were this summer. So, it definitely is someone who knows where we are, and the telephone number. He had no reply to that one. Hmmm. <P>Then, I reminded him about caller ID, and how these hang up calls were coming anonymous. Everytime the phone rang and it was anonymous, I'd say - don't answer it. If they can't advertise who they are, we don't want the call.<P>I didn't tell him about *77 - where anonymous calls are not accepted. I just discovered that last week.<P>These hang up calls all stopped about 4 weeks ago.

HeHe Excellent M4B

Stumblin:<P>You've got problems, kid. You said you started your marriage rocky? The obvious question would be why did you marry this guy in the first place? But I know that isn't helping anything. He seems like a piece of work, though. Sometimes we have to understand that some relationships just can't be saved. You may have to consider that alternative at some point.<P>Flip