OM won't leave me alone. <BR>I hate myself.<BR>I hate him.<BR>I love my husband and children.<BR>I starting to like myself alittle<BR>but still hate what i did.<BR>Regret is killing me.<BR>I just want to run home to my husband and wake up and this all have been a nightmare with no basis in reality.<BR>I want OM to go away forever.<BR>but, I want someone to love me.<BR>Please God help my husband love me.<BR>I had morals<BR>I hated adultary<BR>I swore up and down that my beiefs and values would keep me from being like them.<BR>why then was I the one who did it?<BR>Oh How the mighty have fallen<P>

Okay, in your note you say husband is abusive physically, emotionally etc. And you are praying to God that your husband love you! Am I missing something here?

Unforgiven -<P>First of all, who do you feel that you are "unforgiven" by? Yourself, some other person or God? Sounds like it's yourself!!!<P>Are you in counseling? I have looked at your postings and am so sorry for all the pain, abandonment, sadness, abuse, neglect and confusion you have beared and are still in the midst of....Here is a Big Hug to you!!!<P>I wish that I could just wrap my arms around you and show you that there is compassion in this world....it can be part of your world to, but you have to take some steps toward it. If not for yourself alone, do it for the children!! <BR>Do you want them continuing the patterns that are on both sides of the family? Or do you want to show them that life can be as good as you make it!!!<P>Are your children with you at the apartment? If they are not, why is that? <P>You have a lot to deal with here. The first is you and your children's safety - both physically and mentally!! Get yourselves to a safe and secure place!<P>Next is the counselor to help you - you have a great need for a GOOD Counselor, find one NOW!!! You have a lot of issues within yourself that you need to examine and put in their proper perspective....otherwise they will continue to haunt you and you will be weakened causing you to continue filling your needs and fears in harmful ways.<P>Forget the OM - tell him to get lost...It was a mistake and you are not going to continue it!!! Do not say anything to your H about the affair until you have provided protection for you all, have been in counseling and have allowed the counselor to help you to guide H to counseling of his own.<P>Only then will the atmosphere be right for any revelations of this type. DO NOT attempt this on your own!!!!<P>God is with you....he led you here!!!<P>We will help you all that we can, but YOU must make the decisions to point you and your family in the right direction.<P>Love is not just having a "body" around so that you are not lonely!!! It is much, much more than that.....you can have the real thing and so can H, once these problems within each of you are worked on and understood.<P>You are in my prayers and PLEASE follow the advice you have been given here.....we all care about you and want you to start caring and making life so much happier and more fulfilling for yourself, your kids and your H.<P>God Bless and Strength to you,<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

No your not missing something<BR>Yes my husband has a horrible angry temper, but I still love him and would like for God to do a miracle.<BR>I'm still in the denial stage.<BR>I go to counseling twice a week to overcome everything and get a grip on what is happening to my family.<BR>Even though I love him<BR>I will never live with him again until he had had intense anger management counseling.<BR>I can't explain my rambling.<BR>I just wrote everything that i was feeling during those few minutes while I was writing.<BR>

You don't have to explain how you are feeling. We still listen, and most of us understand.<P>(((hugs)))

Unforgiven -<P>OH, I am so glad that you are in counseling...Do you feel that it is helping? Is the counselor helping you with your current situation as well as your past?<P>Where are the kids? With you?<P>I didn't have too much to go on for my previous post so I tried to cover all I could think of. <P>Keep posting...we're here for you.<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba