This is more of a update and rant than a request for help. I get help each day from reading here and moving forward.

So part of our temporary CS agreement once I got my bonus I need to catch up the CS, which I did on Friday. Gave her 3700.00 and her only response was where is the rest... I split the cS payments up between paydays and I owe her 750 next payday.

She is demanding that I pay her lawyer fees, could be 15-20K.

She is wants me to continue to pay all children expense along with 1500 a month is private school tuition... she doesn't think she needs to pay anything.

She wants me to be completely flexiable in when she can see the kids at night, her quote is, I work retail I can gurantee that I will have wednesday night off. Right now we do dinner's 2 nights a week, for the past 3 weeks she has worked monday till 9pm... I told I understand what she is saying but 1) she asked for 2 nights a weke 2) its not my fault she choose this path and wants to work retail or even be separated and divorced.

She trying to compete with me to win the hearts and minds of the kids, she counters everything I do with the kids with promises of bigger and better, but rarely deliveries and its not a financial problem its lack of committment to the kids.

I am being flexiable with her but I am not going to bend over and be a divorced doormat.

My primary child custody case is still on track and I am gaining momentum.

I am 1 month away from the first day we can file for D, I am not sure if she will file or not.

I have thought of trying a plan A attack again to show her what kind of husband I could be. With full awareness of the carrot and the stick approach.

After reading and talking to my IC I don't think PLAN B would be good for me in the sense that she is P/A and narcissitic and immature, she would like PLAN B way to much my darkness would give her too much cover to conceil and lie... I think being there being out and open to the world as a great person and father, is the most effective thing to do right now.

I think you are making a tactical error excluding the possibility of Plan B ... because you ARE meeting many of her needs ... which is the POINT of A first ~then~ B

a never-ending Plan A makes her entitlement ~increase~

but, you do what you want & I hope it works out

Pep

Haven't you been in Plan A for about a year, viking? If she doesn't know your good side by now, she never will. It is not supposed to be a way of life. And if your W is as narcisstic as you claim, she would just view it as an opportunity to exploit you some more. Rather, I would be taking steps to protect yourself and stop looking for ways to accomodate and ENABLE a selfish, entitled, cruel wayward wife.

I suspect your W would hate Plan B because you wouldn't be her boy anymore. But her reaction to Plan B misses the point entirely. Plan B is FOR YOU and no one else. It removes you from her insanity and cruelty and allows you to live in some semblance of PEACE. Once removed from her craziness, you have much better judgment and decision making abilities in your own life. It also prepares you for divorce if it comes to that.

So, I would stop with flexibility plan and start doing what you need to protect yourself. Appeasement does not work and you have all but proven that to yourself.

Dude I can so relate to this. Sounds a lot like my WW except for the working part as she still has no real job. I am sure we will have an argument over the school situation since DS6 starts 1st grade next year.

I can't understand why they think they are entitled to the world.

This is a pack of bullcrap. You need to tell her hale no and get the meanest, junkyard dog attorney you can find. Good grief, she probably laughs that you are her "ATM." Don't give her a CENT that isn't accompanied by a COURT ORDER and a sheriff with a BIG GUN. To do otherwise is to ENABLE HER at your expense.

This needs to be highlighted in flashing bold colors around this place.

APPEASEMENT DOES NOT WORK! especially for the way entitled.

Lets call them WEWW.

I agree and I am not appeasing her, matter of fact, with me interacting with her as an adult who is concerned for the best interest of our children, I am forcing her to confront what her choices have lead too. I have no problem with this, my heart is secure and my feelings are in check. My LB has been at status quo for a long time, I have mentally prepared myself for anything to come, even her flaunting OM's around.

Here are the items I sent her that I wanted to discusss.. now this copy is copy to my lawyer with detail in each one
================
Just an update. I had asked WW 4 times and text message 3 to call me to discuss kid issues. She agreed to each time. Finally 3/13/2007 she called me back and said what did I want.

I first asked if she had seen our version of the custody order, she has not. I told her it had the items in it that I tried to to discuss with her prior

Change to Sunday for exchange
Change to 1 night (wed) for dinner

She immediately lambasted me and said she didn't want to change the exchange date, then on the Wednesday date she said she worked retail and could guarantee what night she would be free, I pointed out that it wasn't my concern, she called me a ****** and hung up.

Here are the other items I needed to discuss with her, maybe her lawyer can get attention.

1) DD(11) has asked to go on the Christ Community Church Youth retreat Jun 23-25

2) Want to make sure we agree early on that I can take Girls to VBS. at CCUMC in July

3) DD wants to attend a week long summer camp at Millstonre 4H camp in July cost is 400$ I will pay half

4) She has both patio sets, I would like to get 1, she can choose which one to keep

5) DD has a field trip in April I was going to pay and attend, its to the Airborne Museum

6) Aftercare cost is 430.50 for the past 60 days - I would be willing to split cost - report cards are held until paid - since this will effect children's self esteem I will pay

7) Per the both version of the temp custody order I have the girls for Spring Break this year - want to confirm. April 5-15

8) the Kids have said several things that concern me and I want to discuss them with her, but now I think I will just try to get them into counseling and avoid the conversation all together. its around her saying to the kids she hates me and that I am a jerk and ******, its also that she uses that form of manipulation to quite the kids in there request to spend time with me or do thing that they want to do.

9) Competition - WW seems to be competing with me for the hearts and minds of the girls. Last week she kept promising the young ones to go to the movies, when they were all invited to a 4h dinner, she insisted to them in front of me that they were going to the movies so they could not stay, instead they went home and they just played outside. They talked to me about this, they feel that they are still lied to by their mother.

10) Frustration of memories of New York - the girls have made several comments about their fear and issue with either parent traveling or not being there for them. They have referred to WW's previous habit of always being on the phone and always text messaging. They have told me that when I wasn't in town on my non custodial weekend that they felt I betrayed them like mom did in July 06. My youngest has issues with me playing with other children, said its like mom being with OMs kids...... there is a trend that is getting worse of the kids having resentment and behavioral issues around the two styles of parenting.


So this is how I have to communicate with her, send it to the lawyer. Even this interaction irriates her, it causes her to deal with the situation. She would be completely happy to just pretend we were never married and that we never knew each other.

Why are YOU paying child support? Don't you have an equal or better (in your favor) split in time?

Its a temporary CS order, I make 8 times her ability to make income.

We have another hearing on the 20th and I am hoping to drop the CS by half, it will still be 800.00

She is claiming I need to pay Alimony. My lawyer thinks there is no chance but it depends on the judge.

Viking,

Dont talk about legal stuff with her. It never ends good. Let the lawyers do that!

I don't talk legal with her, I don't even get a chance to talk to her. She has been doing an excellent plan b on me. That is why if I go into Plan B I she will win, she is a runner she runs from all decisions.

She even asked me to ask our neighbor to help move a trampoline and swingset to her new house from our old house. I told her no. she got mad

"she got mad"

SO WHAT?

WHO CARES?

She gets mad and ..... what?
her head blows up?
her eyes pop out?
she stutters?
she swears?
she gets a headache?
she faints?
she slams the phone down?

SO WHAT if she gets mad?

Pep

VikingR,

"" I told her no. she got mad""

Bet she doesn't ask this kind of apcray again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

kirk

pep don't worry I smile and watch her head spin 360 degrees

Krust, that is the thing with entitlement they alway keep asking.

Just had a trigger pulled.....

So my ww has left our church, our friends, our neighbors and created a whole new world for herself.

new work, new boss
started going to divorce care, her boss is the leader
started going to a new church, that is tolerant to waywards

Now tonight they called and left a message for WW, oh its so nice your joining our church this weekend, what service are you attending so we know to have you listed as a new church member.....

She can chastive me for all my deeds but owning her own jun k is just not necessary.

How do you know that they accept waywards? Have you gone to the pastor of that church and informed him of what is going on? Or even better, had your pastor contact the new pastor?

Viking, you are going for full custody right?

If your WW is not willing to work with you, communicate with you on a consistant, ongoing basis regarding the children, joint custody will be disastrous. It is hard enough on kids as it is without the parents being able to co-parent fully and effectively.

I had joint custody for four years and it was very, very hard on my daughter. I would rather, knowing what I know now, had given him full custody and me visitation rights if I couldn't get full myself. He wasn't a wayward though. She is a waward and is subjecting the kids to OM, so I hope you are going for full custody for this reason as well.

True joint 50/50 custodial custody requires the parents to be friendly enough to coparent, and to have similar parenting styles.

(((MB 2x4)))

Why have you not gone to plan B yet? She won't win if you go to plan B, you will because you won't have to deal with her crap anymore. She ignores you because she knows you'll call her. Ignore her and she'll get pissed that you won't talk with her. Plan B is the ULTIMATE display of power, and it WILL drive her CRAZY! Dr. Harley says that plan A only works 15% of the time. You need to go into plan B if you want any chance of saving your M. You are as stubborn as your WW. Who cares who "wins." If you care about saving your M, that shouldn't matter. Plan B her wayward *ss!