Just a quick update of my story, WH moved out last week and says he just needs some time. In the meantime, my son has been crying and screaming at night almost all night since he has been gone. He also has started trying to hit a lot more too.

Has anyone else had this problem? My son is 2 yrs. old and I am sure some of it is that he is 2, but how much of it is what is going on with my WH and me?

Thanks,

HI, I just wanted to let you know that my 4 yr. old has been hitting more than usual since we had to leave last week...

I'm a little concerned about it but I want to give it some time...i don't think that I should make a big deal out of it just yet...

I time that kids need time to get use to it ad just as we have our ways of dealing with things they have their own...

being so young, they don't have the tools that we have...

When I feel that the time is right I'm going to talk to him about making better choice than hitting...people at least...perhaps give him the option to hit a pillow or something else when he's frustrated...

I'm really not sure yet...just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It'll get better!

I think a lot of this has to do with what is going on with you and your WH.

My youngest son is 15 and having his dad leave and his mom go through cancer treatment right after stressed him out to the point that he would pound the mole hills in our yard with a junk golf club until I discussed it with him and his counselor. I think just one of those things would have been enough to cause him frustration and fear-both really added to it.

We found an outlet for his frustration(taekwondo) and we started talking more.Also, he began journaling and was able to write out his feelings to his dad and have me give those to his dad before they went out for lunch and to "talk". (That way, he didn't have to risk getting emotional in front of his father by having to say the things he felt). His dad was able to address some of DS15's feelings and hopefully get their relationship into a positive place.

Plus, he was able to verbalize to me his fear that he would be abandoned if anything happened to me. It didn't matter that my treatment is to prevent the cancer from returning (they caught it all in the surgery). Being abandoned is every child's greatest fear.

Your DS doesn't have the vocabulary or self-control to express his fear and frustration. And every kid thinks that they caused the other parent to leave somehow.

I don't have much advice-but I'd suggest that you first call your pediatrician and tell him/her what's going on and get some suggestions. Your son's dr may know of a counselor who deals with kids this young. Or they may know a book you can read, a website to get some insights, or even just some techniques to calm his fears.

Hope this helps-

J,

Thank you for posting that is an excellent idea...I like the one about reading a book...I think that I will bring the kids to the library and find one to read to them!

Thanks again!

When my WH had his first A and moved out, my DS was three. In short order, he began having problems in daycare, hitting, pushing, not listening, not participating, throwing fits, and on and on. Also, last year, after my WH left the second time, my DS developed problems with fear of monsters and the dark, to a HIGH degree. It got to the point that he was sleeping with me most nights, even after singing him to sleep every night. I just kept at it, until he finally was able to sleep alone again.

It happens, and it probably does have a lot to do with your separation. CHANGE.

I would talk to your pediatrician and see what advice they may have...

IMO, it is absolutely necessary to get advice from a health care professional, whether it be a pediatrician or a counselor. If not dealt with properly from the start it will have an effect on them throughout their lives. We are their role models, what they see is what they learn. All the dysfunction that goes along with an A and all that surrounds it are life lessons for innocent children.

It is our responsibility as parents to help them when they need it and not wait until it's too late. They need to learn proper coping skills now so they don't carry on dysfunctional behavior later.

My DS6 has started hitting also. We can't even play hit any longer because he cannot differentiate between play hitting and real hitting. Yesterday we went for a nature walk threw the baseball and we had a better evening.

He also tends to have outbursts when I pick him up from WW. Usually by the time we get home he is settled somewhat. We have already been dealing with his behavior for over a year now, initially thinking he might be ADD or ADHD and he is on medication, and he has been seeing a counselor who does play therapy.

I also took an opportunity to explain to him in terms he could understand what was going on. As far as I know, WW only tells them that we (her and I) and having "Mommy and Daddy problems." Well that's fine but I thought he needed more truth than that (I am on a truth kick here lately).

This summer he asked me about my wedding ring, and I explained that it is something that mommy gave to me, it meant that she would love me forever, and I always wore it to remind me of that. I also told him that I gave mommy a ring that meant I would love her forever and she wore it to remind her of that. Then, so innocently, he asked when he could get a ring and I just said maybe one day someone will give you one.

Well Saturday he asked again why Mommy doesn't live with us anymore. I asked him if he remembered what we talked about with the ring - he said yes. So then I just said that Mommy doesn't love Daddy anymore and that is why she left, and she does not wear her ring any more. I told him that we would always both love him and that I would never leave him. He seemed to accept that.

I also have a book - can't remember the title - but we will probably read that together soon.

I appreciate all the advice and I will call his dr. and see what he tells me. It just makes me so mad that my WH is putting our children through this. They do not deserve it, I don't either, but they really don't. But that is life I guess.

Thank you for the advice,

I had a similar situation with my daughter awhile back. She was 3 at the time. She decided to start peeing when she was mad. Here is what my counselor suggested...

(Childs name) do you know that mommy would be very angry if my mommy couldn't take care of me when she was sick(fill in with something simple for your kid to understand). Do you think that you are angry because mommy can't take care of you when you when she is sick?

Repeat a frequently.

Also give lots of hugs kisses and verbal support. Such as mommy loves you no matter what. Mommy loves you when you are angry. Mommy loves you when you are misbehaving. Mommy loves you when you giggle. etc.
I do this a lot. My daughter knows I love her no matter what.

Good luck to you. It is very frustrating. You may want to take your child to a counselor as well. It should only take a few minutes once you explain the problem. They may have a better suggestion than my counselor.

Kar (I was suffering from depression at the time)