Society for Neuro Sciences. Article on Humour.

http://www.sfn.org/index.cfm?pagename=brainBriefings_humorLaughterAndTheBrain


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Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Quotations:

· I will not carve gods.
· I will not spank others.
· I will not aim for the head.
· I will not barf unless I'm sick
· I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
· I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
· I will not conduct my own fire drills.
· Funny noises are not funny.
· I will not snap bras.
· I will not fake seizures.
· This punishment is not boring and pointless.
· My name is not Dr. Death.
· I will not defame New Orleans.
· I will not prescribe medication.
· I will not bury the new kid.
· I will not teach others to fly.
· I will not bring sheep to class.
· A burp is not an answer.
· Teacher is not a leper.
· Coffee is not for kids.
· I will not eat things for money.
· I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
· The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
· I will not call the principal "spud head".
· Goldfish don't bounce.
· Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
· No one is interested in my underpants.
· I will not sell miracle cures.
· I will return the seeing-eye dog.
· I do not have diplomatic immunity.
· I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
· I will never win an emmy.
· The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
· All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
· I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
· I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
· My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
· I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
· I am not deliciously saucy.
· Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
· There are plenty of businesses like show business.
· Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
· I will not waste chalk.
· I will not skateboard in the halls.
· I will not instigate revolution.
· I will not draw naked ladies in class.
· I did not see Elvis.
· I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
· Garlic gum is not funny.
· They are laughing at me, not with me.
· I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
· I will not encourage others to fly.
· I will not fake my way through life.
· Tar is not a plaything.
· I will not Xerox my butt.
· It's potato, not potatoe.
· I will not trade pants with others.
· I am not a 32 year old woman.
· I will not do that thing with my tongue.
· I will not drive the principal's car.
· I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
· I will not sell school property.
· I will not burp in class.
· I will not cut corners.
· I will not get very far with this attitude.
· I will not belch the National Anthem.
· I will not sell land in Florida.
· I will not grease the monkey bars.
· I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
· I will not do anything bad ever again.
· I will not show off.
· I will not sleep through my education.
· I am not a dentist.
· Spitwads are not free speech.
· Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
· High explosives and school don't mix.
· Hamsters cannot fly.
· I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
· I will not squeak chalk.
· I will finish what I sta
· "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
· Underwear should be worn on the inside.
· The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
· I will not torment the emotionally frail.
· I will not send lard through the mail.
· I will not use abbrev.
· Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal.
· Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
· I will not dissect things unless instructed.
· I will not hang donuts on my person.
· No one wants to hear my armpits.
· I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface.
· I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
· I will not strut around like I own the place.
· Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
· The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far.
· I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
· I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
· I will not whittle hall passes out of soap.
· Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things.
· I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
· Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
· I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr..
· I am not certified to remove asbestos.
· "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice.
· I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
· I will remember to take my medication.
· The boys room is not a water park.
· Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
· Nerve gas is not a toy.
· "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism.
· The First Amendment does not cover burping.
· Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough.